Back in the Spotlight!
From the Alabama Gazette 12/13/2017:
Decisive Vote!
Mr. Clemens resurfaced in Alabama after going underground following allegations of civics harassment after the 2016 election. Clemens would randomly go up to strangers and scream, "This is not how this is supposed to work!" and "We need people in Government that understand government!" Having not been seen in public for almost two years Clemens was seen at a rally in Alabama thanking voters for making him their write in choice and earning almost 1.8% of the vote, just enough to tip the election towards someone who does not date people old enough to be Clemens's students. When asked what he was doing in the South Clemens said; "I came for the barbecue, I stayed for the election." When asked what his plans for the future are the rogue civics teacher just shrugged and walked away.
Decisive Vote!
Mr. Clemens resurfaced in Alabama after going underground following allegations of civics harassment after the 2016 election. Clemens would randomly go up to strangers and scream, "This is not how this is supposed to work!" and "We need people in Government that understand government!" Having not been seen in public for almost two years Clemens was seen at a rally in Alabama thanking voters for making him their write in choice and earning almost 1.8% of the vote, just enough to tip the election towards someone who does not date people old enough to be Clemens's students. When asked what he was doing in the South Clemens said; "I came for the barbecue, I stayed for the election." When asked what his plans for the future are the rogue civics teacher just shrugged and walked away.
My Little Teacher
From Cartoon Network website 3/22/2015:
Tantalizing Teacher!
Civics teacher Mr. Clemens will be bringing his lesson plans to cartoon Network in an upcoming episode of My Little Pony. Clemens will be a substitute teacher and help Twilight Sparkle solve a dilemma she has using his knowledge of Civics. “Getting Mr. Clemens is a huge coup for us.” States Lauren Faust, the creator of My Little Pony. “We knew he was a Bronie but had a hard time getting onto the show because of his demanding schedule. He wouldn’t do any work that interfered with his teaching.” Clemens admits he was reluctant to take on the role at first. “I am a huge Bronie and I enjoy just being a fan of the show but when they offered to make me my own pony, Civics Special, I just couldn’t say no any longer.” Clemens can be seen as Civics Special later this summer on Cartoon Network.
Tantalizing Teacher!
Civics teacher Mr. Clemens will be bringing his lesson plans to cartoon Network in an upcoming episode of My Little Pony. Clemens will be a substitute teacher and help Twilight Sparkle solve a dilemma she has using his knowledge of Civics. “Getting Mr. Clemens is a huge coup for us.” States Lauren Faust, the creator of My Little Pony. “We knew he was a Bronie but had a hard time getting onto the show because of his demanding schedule. He wouldn’t do any work that interfered with his teaching.” Clemens admits he was reluctant to take on the role at first. “I am a huge Bronie and I enjoy just being a fan of the show but when they offered to make me my own pony, Civics Special, I just couldn’t say no any longer.” Clemens can be seen as Civics Special later this summer on Cartoon Network.
Makes Like a Tree and Leaves
From TMZ.com 3/5/2015:
Clemens Barks Up the Wrong Tree
As James Gunn begins work on his sequel to his blockbuster hit Guardians of the Galaxy, TMZ was able to view some early test footage from the first movie and was surprised to find that it was Mr. Clemens, not Vin Diesel, who was originally supposed to play the loveable Groot. “I always had Clemens in mind for the project;” Explained Gunn, “I thought he would make the perfect Groot. I mean he’s tall and wooden.” Clemens was able to come in and test for the role but ultimately did not get the part. “He couldn’t get the lines right.” Explained a crew member who wishes to remain anonymous; “All he had to say was I and am and Groot and even in that order but could he do it? No. he kept stumbling over the line.” TMZ has learned that all Clemens could say was “I teach Civics.” And in that order. Clemens was let go from the project but Gunn says he might be around for the sequel. “I am sure Thanos might need a civics lesson at some point.”
Clemens Barks Up the Wrong Tree
As James Gunn begins work on his sequel to his blockbuster hit Guardians of the Galaxy, TMZ was able to view some early test footage from the first movie and was surprised to find that it was Mr. Clemens, not Vin Diesel, who was originally supposed to play the loveable Groot. “I always had Clemens in mind for the project;” Explained Gunn, “I thought he would make the perfect Groot. I mean he’s tall and wooden.” Clemens was able to come in and test for the role but ultimately did not get the part. “He couldn’t get the lines right.” Explained a crew member who wishes to remain anonymous; “All he had to say was I and am and Groot and even in that order but could he do it? No. he kept stumbling over the line.” TMZ has learned that all Clemens could say was “I teach Civics.” And in that order. Clemens was let go from the project but Gunn says he might be around for the sequel. “I am sure Thanos might need a civics lesson at some point.”
Mr. Clemens Will Teach You Now.
From Publisher’s Weekly 3/4/2015:
Clemens Bares All!
Do you want to enter the intriguing world of Mr. Clemens? Do you dare uncover his singular tastes and dark secrets? Who is this Lord of Sealand? Learn all there is to know about the man in his recent best seller, Fifty Shades of Clemens. Learn about his hidden desires such as “I always wanted to teach Civics to dolphins so they could form their own society and take over the world (pg. 42).” Thrill to his unique tastes and desires such as “Always wear a wetsuit when engaging in water sports(pg.236).” Explore the dark underworld and forbidden realms that Clemens inhabits like “….I didn’t know what to do. There I was Sasquatch hunting with my friends. I felt my beer getting warm (pg. 642).” Fifty Shades of Clemens is available now at all train stations and bus stops everywhere, in large print without any hard to read words. Fifty Shades of Clemens read it now and explore all his lesson plans.
Clemens Bares All!
Do you want to enter the intriguing world of Mr. Clemens? Do you dare uncover his singular tastes and dark secrets? Who is this Lord of Sealand? Learn all there is to know about the man in his recent best seller, Fifty Shades of Clemens. Learn about his hidden desires such as “I always wanted to teach Civics to dolphins so they could form their own society and take over the world (pg. 42).” Thrill to his unique tastes and desires such as “Always wear a wetsuit when engaging in water sports(pg.236).” Explore the dark underworld and forbidden realms that Clemens inhabits like “….I didn’t know what to do. There I was Sasquatch hunting with my friends. I felt my beer getting warm (pg. 642).” Fifty Shades of Clemens is available now at all train stations and bus stops everywhere, in large print without any hard to read words. Fifty Shades of Clemens read it now and explore all his lesson plans.
Deflated!
From Sports
Illustrated 2/27/2015:
Let Down
In a continued effort to find a scapegoat for the New England Patriots the NFL has promoted the theory that renown Civics teacher Mr. Clemens was in fact the person who deflated the official game balls during the game with the Colts. Clemens was on the sidelines advising Coach Bill Belichick about plays for the game. Clemens was trying to instruct Belichick on battle plans the real Patriots used during the Revolutionary War. He told Belichick how the men back then used less lead in their cannonballs so they would shoot further and spread out easier upon impact. When Belichick refused to listen the NFL stated that Clemens convinced a lone locker room attendant to remove air from the footballs so they would perform better like the cannonballs. Clemens assured the attendant that the greatest quarterback in NFL history could not tell if he was playing with deflated balls just like the Patriots back then couldn’t tell that their cannonballs weighed less. Mr. Clemens calls these claims ridiculous and states there is no way they used underweight cannonballs during Revolutionary times.
Let Down
In a continued effort to find a scapegoat for the New England Patriots the NFL has promoted the theory that renown Civics teacher Mr. Clemens was in fact the person who deflated the official game balls during the game with the Colts. Clemens was on the sidelines advising Coach Bill Belichick about plays for the game. Clemens was trying to instruct Belichick on battle plans the real Patriots used during the Revolutionary War. He told Belichick how the men back then used less lead in their cannonballs so they would shoot further and spread out easier upon impact. When Belichick refused to listen the NFL stated that Clemens convinced a lone locker room attendant to remove air from the footballs so they would perform better like the cannonballs. Clemens assured the attendant that the greatest quarterback in NFL history could not tell if he was playing with deflated balls just like the Patriots back then couldn’t tell that their cannonballs weighed less. Mr. Clemens calls these claims ridiculous and states there is no way they used underweight cannonballs during Revolutionary times.
Clemens' Lets It Go!
From Entertainment Weekly 2/26/2015
Thawed!
Mr. Clemens settled his lawsuit with the Disney Corporation today over royalties for the song Let It Go from their hit movie Frozen. Not only did he help write the iconic song, Mr. Clemens was also originally scheduled to do voice work for the movie when the character of Elsa was named Eric and was a Civics Teacher in Arendelle. An early animatic of this now famous scene can be found here That includes Mr. Clemens vocal track. When the script was rewritten Eric was changed to Elsa and Mr. Clemens was out. He did recommend one of his vocal students, Idina Menzel, for the role. Clemens did not begrudge her getting the vocal credit but was disappointed when he was not mentioned when the song won an Oscar. The terms of his settlement remain confidential but rumor has it that it includes a two picture musical deal and a cameo in the new Star Wars movie.
Thawed!
Mr. Clemens settled his lawsuit with the Disney Corporation today over royalties for the song Let It Go from their hit movie Frozen. Not only did he help write the iconic song, Mr. Clemens was also originally scheduled to do voice work for the movie when the character of Elsa was named Eric and was a Civics Teacher in Arendelle. An early animatic of this now famous scene can be found here That includes Mr. Clemens vocal track. When the script was rewritten Eric was changed to Elsa and Mr. Clemens was out. He did recommend one of his vocal students, Idina Menzel, for the role. Clemens did not begrudge her getting the vocal credit but was disappointed when he was not mentioned when the song won an Oscar. The terms of his settlement remain confidential but rumor has it that it includes a two picture musical deal and a cameo in the new Star Wars movie.
No Small Stature
Form the Hartford Courant 12/23/2013:
Injury at Movie at Movie Showing
Two people were injured last night at a screening of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. "I am not sure what happened;" explained civics teacher Mr. Clemens, "I was walking back with a bag of popcorn and the next thing I knew I was waking p in the hospital." What Clemens failed to mention is that he was dressed up as his favorite dwarf, Dwalin, and was walking on his knees to maintain character. The war hammer tucked into his belt probably didn't help either. Clemens tripped over a seven year old boy in his eagerness to see the movie. He fell t such an angle that he tumbled down five rows of seats and had his hammer hit him on the head. "This is why we discourage costumes," said one theater employee, "it is murder on our insurance which, by the way does not cover injury from war hammers, lightsabers, phasers or anything else Mr. Clemens has been known to bring to the movies with him." The name of the boy Clemens tripped over is not being released but he did have a statement; "ouch, my toes". Both are expected to make a full recovery and the theater has asked Mr. Clemens to see the third Hobbit movie elsewhere.
Injury at Movie at Movie Showing
Two people were injured last night at a screening of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. "I am not sure what happened;" explained civics teacher Mr. Clemens, "I was walking back with a bag of popcorn and the next thing I knew I was waking p in the hospital." What Clemens failed to mention is that he was dressed up as his favorite dwarf, Dwalin, and was walking on his knees to maintain character. The war hammer tucked into his belt probably didn't help either. Clemens tripped over a seven year old boy in his eagerness to see the movie. He fell t such an angle that he tumbled down five rows of seats and had his hammer hit him on the head. "This is why we discourage costumes," said one theater employee, "it is murder on our insurance which, by the way does not cover injury from war hammers, lightsabers, phasers or anything else Mr. Clemens has been known to bring to the movies with him." The name of the boy Clemens tripped over is not being released but he did have a statement; "ouch, my toes". Both are expected to make a full recovery and the theater has asked Mr. Clemens to see the third Hobbit movie elsewhere.
Back in the Saddle
From Racers' Monthly 10/30/2013
Mr. Clemens has felt the need for speed since he was a little boy. He would get his pedal car out and go faster than every other kid in his neighborhood. Clemens has raced professionally on land and sea since his "death" two years ago. For nostalgic reasons Clemens has dusted off his old pedal power car and will be using it as the pace car in tomorrow's All Hallows Eve Clemens Memorial Race. Clemens is not eligible to race himself since winning your own memorial race is considered bad form. After the race Clemens plans to go trick or treating with his daughters as the one costume no one would expect; "Someone who teaches," Clemens explains, "Thanks to standardized testing and media driven instruction no one recognizes a teacher anymore." He says he is actually going to wear a tie. "hopefully my daughters will still remember it is Halloween and not Daddy dress up and play Monday night."
From Racers' Monthly 10/30/2013
Mr. Clemens has felt the need for speed since he was a little boy. He would get his pedal car out and go faster than every other kid in his neighborhood. Clemens has raced professionally on land and sea since his "death" two years ago. For nostalgic reasons Clemens has dusted off his old pedal power car and will be using it as the pace car in tomorrow's All Hallows Eve Clemens Memorial Race. Clemens is not eligible to race himself since winning your own memorial race is considered bad form. After the race Clemens plans to go trick or treating with his daughters as the one costume no one would expect; "Someone who teaches," Clemens explains, "Thanks to standardized testing and media driven instruction no one recognizes a teacher anymore." He says he is actually going to wear a tie. "hopefully my daughters will still remember it is Halloween and not Daddy dress up and play Monday night."
The Truth is Out There
From Skeptic Monthly 5/7/2013:
Seeks Professional Help
Mr. Clemens and friends are continuing their hunt for the mythical creature known as Bigfoot. Clemens knows that many people are searching for the creature so he turned to a professional monster hunter, Dana Scully. “I am not a professional monster hunter,” Scully stated, “Nor am I really Dana Scully. I have portrayed that character so well and for so long that people like Mr. Clemens get confused. My name is Gillian Anderson.” Clemens plans on using Scully to help him lure the creature out. “She’s had a lot of experience with the paranormal over the years with her work on the X-files and all.” Clemens is under the impression that the X-Files was a reality TV show. So why did Gillian decided to join Clemens and his friends? “Because he is filming the quest,” she explains, “And it has to be better than the History Channel’s Finding Bigfoot.” She also has not had much to do since the last X-Files movie failed to live up to expectations. “Who knows,” she adds, “Stranger things have happened around Mr. Clemens.”
Seeks Professional Help
Mr. Clemens and friends are continuing their hunt for the mythical creature known as Bigfoot. Clemens knows that many people are searching for the creature so he turned to a professional monster hunter, Dana Scully. “I am not a professional monster hunter,” Scully stated, “Nor am I really Dana Scully. I have portrayed that character so well and for so long that people like Mr. Clemens get confused. My name is Gillian Anderson.” Clemens plans on using Scully to help him lure the creature out. “She’s had a lot of experience with the paranormal over the years with her work on the X-files and all.” Clemens is under the impression that the X-Files was a reality TV show. So why did Gillian decided to join Clemens and his friends? “Because he is filming the quest,” she explains, “And it has to be better than the History Channel’s Finding Bigfoot.” She also has not had much to do since the last X-Files movie failed to live up to expectations. “Who knows,” she adds, “Stranger things have happened around Mr. Clemens.”
Bazinga!
From TV Guide 5/6/2013:
Fun with Flags
Mr. Clemens will be guest starring in the 7th season opener of The Big Bang Theory next fall. Continuing with his celebrity guests on the video blog Fun with Flags, Sheldon has invited his old civics teacher onto the show to explain the meaning behind some flags from the Civil War. As always, Sheldon manages to offend his guest, this time by reminding Clemens that civics is not a real content area and is not as important as science. Leonard convinces Sheldon to make it up to Mr. Clemens and they end up having a Justice League cosplay session. Raj is happy to give his Aquaman costume to Clemens in deference to his role as Director for the Department of Water Safety.
Fun with Flags
Mr. Clemens will be guest starring in the 7th season opener of The Big Bang Theory next fall. Continuing with his celebrity guests on the video blog Fun with Flags, Sheldon has invited his old civics teacher onto the show to explain the meaning behind some flags from the Civil War. As always, Sheldon manages to offend his guest, this time by reminding Clemens that civics is not a real content area and is not as important as science. Leonard convinces Sheldon to make it up to Mr. Clemens and they end up having a Justice League cosplay session. Raj is happy to give his Aquaman costume to Clemens in deference to his role as Director for the Department of Water Safety.
May the Fourth Be With You...Always
From Star Wars Insider 5/4/2013:
Who’s Scruffy Looking?
International Star Wars day is celebrated today with all sorts conventions and events happening around the world. The most popular events are the ones held for charity. Civics Teacher and B-list celebrity Mr. Clemens has been participating for many years but he tried a new event this year. “I have never done the Leia Run before,” admits Clemens,” but with the proceeds this year going to help the victims of the Boston Bombing I thought this would be a good time to try it.” The essence of the race is that all participants, male or female, dress up as Princess Leia and run from a few people dressed as Stormtroopers. The most popular runners are the ones in the metal bikinis. “For some reason I couldn’t find mine,” laments Clemens, “So I decided on the traditional princess robes.” Clemens gave no explanation as to why he might own a metal bikini as his wife is not a big Star Wars fan but he was wished luck all the same.
Who’s Scruffy Looking?
International Star Wars day is celebrated today with all sorts conventions and events happening around the world. The most popular events are the ones held for charity. Civics Teacher and B-list celebrity Mr. Clemens has been participating for many years but he tried a new event this year. “I have never done the Leia Run before,” admits Clemens,” but with the proceeds this year going to help the victims of the Boston Bombing I thought this would be a good time to try it.” The essence of the race is that all participants, male or female, dress up as Princess Leia and run from a few people dressed as Stormtroopers. The most popular runners are the ones in the metal bikinis. “For some reason I couldn’t find mine,” laments Clemens, “So I decided on the traditional princess robes.” Clemens gave no explanation as to why he might own a metal bikini as his wife is not a big Star Wars fan but he was wished luck all the same.
Dream Job!
From TV Guide 4/20/2013:
Clemens Live!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens is returning to his musical roots on an upcoming episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mr. Clemens will be filling in for the lead singer of the group, Electric Dream Machine as they return to Paddy’s Pub. Clemens promises to sing not only some of his songs but Electric Dream Machine’s hit, Dayman. Clemens is very excited for this opportunity, in fact he stated;” Class is in session and I am cracking the egg of wisdom.” The show is filming this summer and the Clemens episode will air next season but he can hardly wait, he is already recruiting an audience. In fact he is exploiting, like everyone else at Paddy’s Pub, his Irish heritage “If you like the Virgin Mary and you like beer, come on down to Paddy’s pub, we got ‘em both!”
Clemens Live!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens is returning to his musical roots on an upcoming episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mr. Clemens will be filling in for the lead singer of the group, Electric Dream Machine as they return to Paddy’s Pub. Clemens promises to sing not only some of his songs but Electric Dream Machine’s hit, Dayman. Clemens is very excited for this opportunity, in fact he stated;” Class is in session and I am cracking the egg of wisdom.” The show is filming this summer and the Clemens episode will air next season but he can hardly wait, he is already recruiting an audience. In fact he is exploiting, like everyone else at Paddy’s Pub, his Irish heritage “If you like the Virgin Mary and you like beer, come on down to Paddy’s pub, we got ‘em both!”
Oot and Aboot........
From the Hartford Courant 4/29/2013:
Take Off!
Mr. Clemens was made a Canadian Mountie over this past weekend. In a former ceremony conducted Sunday evening. Mr. Clemens officially became a Dudley Do Right for rescuing a drowning moose. “I went to Canada to look for Bigfoot like I promised my daughters,” explains Clemens, “And I saw this weird creature I had never seen before. It was very hairy and very fast. It also smelled real bad.” Clemens followed the creature. At one point he spooked it and it ran right into one of Canada’s many bodies of water. Clemens, being the head of Water Safety in America, knew what he had to do. He sprung into action and rescued the struggling creature from the water. When he brought the creature to a hospital for medical treatment, they informed him it was a moose. They were so impressed by his disregard for personal safety that they contact the authorities and made him a mountie. Clemens his proud of this accomplishment but thought he was being given a different title; “I always wanted to be a Canadian Kilted Yaksman, but a mountie is ok.” Clemens flew home after the ceremony and vows to continue to his search for the elusive bigfoot.
Take Off!
Mr. Clemens was made a Canadian Mountie over this past weekend. In a former ceremony conducted Sunday evening. Mr. Clemens officially became a Dudley Do Right for rescuing a drowning moose. “I went to Canada to look for Bigfoot like I promised my daughters,” explains Clemens, “And I saw this weird creature I had never seen before. It was very hairy and very fast. It also smelled real bad.” Clemens followed the creature. At one point he spooked it and it ran right into one of Canada’s many bodies of water. Clemens, being the head of Water Safety in America, knew what he had to do. He sprung into action and rescued the struggling creature from the water. When he brought the creature to a hospital for medical treatment, they informed him it was a moose. They were so impressed by his disregard for personal safety that they contact the authorities and made him a mountie. Clemens his proud of this accomplishment but thought he was being given a different title; “I always wanted to be a Canadian Kilted Yaksman, but a mountie is ok.” Clemens flew home after the ceremony and vows to continue to his search for the elusive bigfoot.
The 80's Strike Back!
From VH1.com 4/26/2013:
The Clemens “Cure”
VH1’s hit show, We are the Eighties, returns with all new episodes this spring. One episode will be featuring Mr. Clemens and his influence on music at the time. “I was a total eighties rocker,” explains Clemens, “I used to emulate bands like Flock of Seagulls and The Cure. I helped Boy George with some of his lyrics. Karma Chameleon was originally Karma Crocodile but I told him that wouldn’t work.” Clemens had his own band in the eighties, Government, of which they are only remembered for the song Vetoed by my Heart. They had many other civics flavored songs but none of them caught on like Vetoed did. “People did not realize that the song was actually teaching them something,” elaborates Clemens, “which is why I think it did so well.” Clemens may not have had many hits of his own but he would go on to set fashion trends and dance crazes. “I wish that style would come back in style, everything was so much brighter in the eighties. I could wear my green neon socks back then and not stand out.” The episode is set to air in June.
The Clemens “Cure”
VH1’s hit show, We are the Eighties, returns with all new episodes this spring. One episode will be featuring Mr. Clemens and his influence on music at the time. “I was a total eighties rocker,” explains Clemens, “I used to emulate bands like Flock of Seagulls and The Cure. I helped Boy George with some of his lyrics. Karma Chameleon was originally Karma Crocodile but I told him that wouldn’t work.” Clemens had his own band in the eighties, Government, of which they are only remembered for the song Vetoed by my Heart. They had many other civics flavored songs but none of them caught on like Vetoed did. “People did not realize that the song was actually teaching them something,” elaborates Clemens, “which is why I think it did so well.” Clemens may not have had many hits of his own but he would go on to set fashion trends and dance crazes. “I wish that style would come back in style, everything was so much brighter in the eighties. I could wear my green neon socks back then and not stand out.” The episode is set to air in June.
Stretchy!From Variety Magazine 4/25/2013:
Fantastic Clemens There has been great excitement among Marvel superhero fans about a re-booting of the Fantastic Four franchise. Several actors have been rumored to play the parts of the Fantastic Four but these early leaked stills shows a familiar face auditioning for some of the roles. “I got bitten by the hero bug when I worked on the Avengers. I am happy to carry on this tradition;” Explains Clemens. Clemens is a method actor who has been spending a lot of time in the gym preparing for the opportunity to play a role in the new movie. “The hardest part was the neck stretches. I want to be able to do that without resulting to poor looking CGI. I think the work has paid off; almost as much as gluing orange pop rocks to myself to look like the Thing. Having taking those off I have a new respect for women who wax themselves.” There is no word yet if Clemens has been cast but the movie is scheduled to start shooting this fall. |
Can YouTell Me How to Get.....
From the Hartford Courant 4/24/2013:
Grouchy!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens will be visiting a very familiar street in the near future. He has a guest spot on Sesame Street where he will play a cousin to Oscar the grouch and even share his trash can. Clemens role will be to bring civics to Grouchland. “Notice that I’ll be bringing civics not civility,” Clemens elaborates, “There is a lot of dirty pool in civics and I think the grouches will love it. The premise is that Grouchland politics are as nasty and as gridlock as the current Congress. They appeal to Mr. Clemens to help them learn civics to see their way through. Sesame Street producers have been after Clemens for a long time to appear on the show. “It took me a long time but after Big Bird endorsed me for President I felt it was something I could no longer put off.” Look for the episode to air this summer.
Grouchy!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens will be visiting a very familiar street in the near future. He has a guest spot on Sesame Street where he will play a cousin to Oscar the grouch and even share his trash can. Clemens role will be to bring civics to Grouchland. “Notice that I’ll be bringing civics not civility,” Clemens elaborates, “There is a lot of dirty pool in civics and I think the grouches will love it. The premise is that Grouchland politics are as nasty and as gridlock as the current Congress. They appeal to Mr. Clemens to help them learn civics to see their way through. Sesame Street producers have been after Clemens for a long time to appear on the show. “It took me a long time but after Big Bird endorsed me for President I felt it was something I could no longer put off.” Look for the episode to air this summer.
Something Fishy!
From the Hartford Courant 4/23/2013:
Nessie Lives!
Local Civics teacher Mr. Clemens shocked the world of biology and cryptozoology by being the first person to ever find and capture the Loch Ness Monster. “She not such a monster after all,” adds Clemens, “In fact she’s rather sweet once you get past the fish smell.” Clemens went in search of the creature after leaving work the previous evening. “I knew something had capsized my boat over the weekend. It turned out to be the big girl. She’s very misunderstood. She wasn’t trying to hurt me, she was just playing.” In fact Clemens and the creature have bonded so well that it followed him home and has moved into the marina where he docks his boat. “My daughters wanted to bring it in the house but I had to explain to them that my bathtub was just not big enough.” Clemens has now been bitten by the cryptozoology bug; “If I found her imagine what else I can find!” He plans on going on an excursion to find Bigfoot with the gym teacher and the sixth grade teacher. “That one I may allow my daughters to bring in the house.”
Nessie Lives!
Local Civics teacher Mr. Clemens shocked the world of biology and cryptozoology by being the first person to ever find and capture the Loch Ness Monster. “She not such a monster after all,” adds Clemens, “In fact she’s rather sweet once you get past the fish smell.” Clemens went in search of the creature after leaving work the previous evening. “I knew something had capsized my boat over the weekend. It turned out to be the big girl. She’s very misunderstood. She wasn’t trying to hurt me, she was just playing.” In fact Clemens and the creature have bonded so well that it followed him home and has moved into the marina where he docks his boat. “My daughters wanted to bring it in the house but I had to explain to them that my bathtub was just not big enough.” Clemens has now been bitten by the cryptozoology bug; “If I found her imagine what else I can find!” He plans on going on an excursion to find Bigfoot with the gym teacher and the sixth grade teacher. “That one I may allow my daughters to bring in the house.”
Capsized Again!From the Hartford Courant 4/22/2013
Dramatic Rescue at Sea! On what seemed like the first nice weekend of spring a national tragedy was narrowly averted. Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens took his boat out and was struck by a mysterious object which capsized the boat and left him in the water. “I swear it was a sea Serpent!” exclaimed Clemens; “Maybe Nessie has migrated or the Nessie of Canada has come seeking warmer waters!” Regardless of how the boat was capsized, Mr. Clemens once again found himself lost at sea. “Just when I had given up hope of seeing my middle school students again,” states an emotional Clemens, “These two dolphins found me and gave me a ride back to the shore. They enabled me not only to survive but to continue my mission of educating adolescent children.” Some of the tabloids have taken to calling Clemens “Aquaman” for this and are claiming he really is from Atlantis and can summon fish at will. In what is a coincidence however, Mr. Clemens did recently audition for the part of Aquaman in the upcoming Justice League movie. This has not scared Clemens off sailing as he plans on returning to the water as soon as his boat is found. |
Addicted to Spuds....
From Farmer’s Almanac 4/19/2012
Startchy
Over the spring vacation from school civics teacher Mr. Clemens went to Idaho where he entered and one a potato growing contest. “I’ve always loved potatoes being Irish,” explains Mr. Clemens, “and there is no place more famous than Idaho in the US for potatoes.” Clemens loves the history of the state but because of the nature of that history he is unable to teach it in school. “There was this pioneer woman named Ida,” elaborates Clemens, “and she ran a ranch in a similar way that Dolly Parton did in that movie. People didn’t have a lot of money back then so they brought potatoes. It was a very popular ranch so that is why Idaho has so many potatoes and how the state got its name from Ida and her profession.” When told that this might not be historically accurate Clemens replied, “That’s the story my dad always told me.” Clemens took his award winning potato home and now his daughters have a record setting Mr. Potato head to play with.
Startchy
Over the spring vacation from school civics teacher Mr. Clemens went to Idaho where he entered and one a potato growing contest. “I’ve always loved potatoes being Irish,” explains Mr. Clemens, “and there is no place more famous than Idaho in the US for potatoes.” Clemens loves the history of the state but because of the nature of that history he is unable to teach it in school. “There was this pioneer woman named Ida,” elaborates Clemens, “and she ran a ranch in a similar way that Dolly Parton did in that movie. People didn’t have a lot of money back then so they brought potatoes. It was a very popular ranch so that is why Idaho has so many potatoes and how the state got its name from Ida and her profession.” When told that this might not be historically accurate Clemens replied, “That’s the story my dad always told me.” Clemens took his award winning potato home and now his daughters have a record setting Mr. Potato head to play with.
For Your Safety.......
From the Hartford Courant 4/18/2013:
Stay Away From the Doors….
Civics teacher and Director for the Department of Water Safety Mr. Clemens is finding new ways to keep us safe in his spare time. “Whenever I ride the MTA I hear stay away from the doors but nobody every listens; they always crowd the doors.” Mr. Clemens has decided to put a stop to that. Using the skills that made him Twister state champion and a member of Cirque Du Soliel, Clemens now blocks the doors himself whenever riding public transportation. “It is a civic duty to keep others safe. It is a virtue I hope I am teaching my students and now the public by doing this. Clemens knows he cannot be on every MTA car nor every mode of public transportation so he is offering to train others in his door blocking skills. “All it takes is a determined, flexible individual and you will successfully block the doors from everybody but limbo champions.”
Stay Away From the Doors….
Civics teacher and Director for the Department of Water Safety Mr. Clemens is finding new ways to keep us safe in his spare time. “Whenever I ride the MTA I hear stay away from the doors but nobody every listens; they always crowd the doors.” Mr. Clemens has decided to put a stop to that. Using the skills that made him Twister state champion and a member of Cirque Du Soliel, Clemens now blocks the doors himself whenever riding public transportation. “It is a civic duty to keep others safe. It is a virtue I hope I am teaching my students and now the public by doing this. Clemens knows he cannot be on every MTA car nor every mode of public transportation so he is offering to train others in his door blocking skills. “All it takes is a determined, flexible individual and you will successfully block the doors from everybody but limbo champions.”
Bdgt Cts
No Longer Teaching Civics
It is a sad day in the middle school, it was announced that Mr. Clemens will no longer be teaching Civics; “Instead I’ll be teaching Cvcs.” He explains. After cutting support staff and teachers to make ends meet and pay administration the “big bucks”, the powers that be decided they since people can figure out words with letters missing they would cut vowels to save on text and printing costs. “No vowels will make a huge impact on our bottom line and will effect student progress very little,” states one administrator. Other classes being offered are Mth, Scnc,Lng rts, and scl stds. Teachers and other staff will also have to have vowels removed from their names if they want to have printed pay stubs and fill out any forms. “It is only fair that our teachers be given their share of the burden to carry,” states another administrator. It is interesting that administrators get to keep their vowels in their names, “We had to reserve that right as an administrator privilege because we need to present a good show.”.
It is a sad day in the middle school, it was announced that Mr. Clemens will no longer be teaching Civics; “Instead I’ll be teaching Cvcs.” He explains. After cutting support staff and teachers to make ends meet and pay administration the “big bucks”, the powers that be decided they since people can figure out words with letters missing they would cut vowels to save on text and printing costs. “No vowels will make a huge impact on our bottom line and will effect student progress very little,” states one administrator. Other classes being offered are Mth, Scnc,Lng rts, and scl stds. Teachers and other staff will also have to have vowels removed from their names if they want to have printed pay stubs and fill out any forms. “It is only fair that our teachers be given their share of the burden to carry,” states another administrator. It is interesting that administrators get to keep their vowels in their names, “We had to reserve that right as an administrator privilege because we need to present a good show.”.
It's not ego, It's fact!
In the Center
Recently unearthed texts have made a startling discovery. Mr. Clemens is actually the center of the universe. “He has been telling us that for years,” claimed former running mate Ms. Horan, “We just never believed it was true.” Ancient Roman texts state that in the center of it all is the 13th and most powerful zodiac, the Clemens, “Astrologists around the world are having a heart attack!” Exclaims Clemens proudly. To be an Clemens you must be born in January (the beginning of things) must love the pursuit of knowledge, must love to hear yourself talk, have little patience for nonsense and the ability to laugh at yourself and others. Your element is water, your planet is Pluto (being the center of the universe he can make it a planet again) your stone is skipping and your life pursuit is the teaching of Civics. Now that it is confirmed that he is the center of the universe maybe he can get a little respect around here from the people who only think they are.
Recently unearthed texts have made a startling discovery. Mr. Clemens is actually the center of the universe. “He has been telling us that for years,” claimed former running mate Ms. Horan, “We just never believed it was true.” Ancient Roman texts state that in the center of it all is the 13th and most powerful zodiac, the Clemens, “Astrologists around the world are having a heart attack!” Exclaims Clemens proudly. To be an Clemens you must be born in January (the beginning of things) must love the pursuit of knowledge, must love to hear yourself talk, have little patience for nonsense and the ability to laugh at yourself and others. Your element is water, your planet is Pluto (being the center of the universe he can make it a planet again) your stone is skipping and your life pursuit is the teaching of Civics. Now that it is confirmed that he is the center of the universe maybe he can get a little respect around here from the people who only think they are.
Hair Raising!
Bristly!
Local Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens took second place at the fifth annual St. Patrick’s Day Irish Mustache Comb-Off. Clemens placed behind a man who had re-created the Potato famine completely out of facial hair. “I had been growing my goatee for weeks in preparation, “ explains Clemens, “The day of the contest was crazy. The judging was based on not only style but speed as well. I think I have done my Irish heritage proud.” Clemens plans on competing again next year where he will use his facial hair to re-create the taking of gold from a leprechaun.
Local Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens took second place at the fifth annual St. Patrick’s Day Irish Mustache Comb-Off. Clemens placed behind a man who had re-created the Potato famine completely out of facial hair. “I had been growing my goatee for weeks in preparation, “ explains Clemens, “The day of the contest was crazy. The judging was based on not only style but speed as well. I think I have done my Irish heritage proud.” Clemens plans on competing again next year where he will use his facial hair to re-create the taking of gold from a leprechaun.
Book 'Em Ponch!
Clemens on Patrol!
Mr. Clemens has teamed up with long time friend Erik Estrada to bring CHiPS to a new tv viewing generation. In This case CHiPS stands for Connecticut Highway Patrol. The premise is that Ponch and new Partner Clemens solve crimes and chase down bad guys as their night job, during the day they both teach. Clemens teaches Civics and Ponch is the next in a revolving door of middle school teachers at the school. Clemens is happy that he can use many of his motorcycles on the show including the one wheeler and the Star Trike. “I am also planning on using the cases I solve as examples of how the law works in class.” The New CHiPs will air as soon as they find a network that wants it.
Mr. Clemens has teamed up with long time friend Erik Estrada to bring CHiPS to a new tv viewing generation. In This case CHiPS stands for Connecticut Highway Patrol. The premise is that Ponch and new Partner Clemens solve crimes and chase down bad guys as their night job, during the day they both teach. Clemens teaches Civics and Ponch is the next in a revolving door of middle school teachers at the school. Clemens is happy that he can use many of his motorcycles on the show including the one wheeler and the Star Trike. “I am also planning on using the cases I solve as examples of how the law works in class.” The New CHiPs will air as soon as they find a network that wants it.
Are You Pondering What I am Pondering?
From Warner Brothers Kids.com 2/27/2013:
“What are we going to do tonight?”
Watch the re-launch of Pinky and the Brain on the Hub. The show has been re-tooled a little bit. In a post 9/11 world the censors at Warner Brothers were a little concerned about children’s characters wanting to take over the world and using what could be considered terrorist methods to do so. “We want our cartoons to be family friendly,” stated one Warners exec, “Not to be the blue print of a Jihad by radicals or over sensitive parents. Look at how we have had to edit the original Looney Tunes for either suicide, racial comments or violence.” So Warner Brothers turned to the one man known for turning childrens’ television around, Mr. Clemens. The good news is that Pinky and the Brain will feature the same characters, the bad news is those characters will be somewhat changed. When Brain (now voiced by Clemens) asks “Are you pondering what I am pondering?” Pinky would not answer; “I think so Brain but where are we going to find three shaved squirrels and a jar of mayonnaise at this time of night?’ instead he would answer, “I think so Brain but isn’t the budget controlled by Congress and not the President?” Clemens is also hoping to cast fellow teacher Mr. Tashjian in the role of Pinky because; “Let’s face it, when he teaches all his students hear is ‘narf’ anyways.” States Clemens. So, what are we going to do tonight, brain? “Try and teach the world Social Studies!”
“What are we going to do tonight?”
Watch the re-launch of Pinky and the Brain on the Hub. The show has been re-tooled a little bit. In a post 9/11 world the censors at Warner Brothers were a little concerned about children’s characters wanting to take over the world and using what could be considered terrorist methods to do so. “We want our cartoons to be family friendly,” stated one Warners exec, “Not to be the blue print of a Jihad by radicals or over sensitive parents. Look at how we have had to edit the original Looney Tunes for either suicide, racial comments or violence.” So Warner Brothers turned to the one man known for turning childrens’ television around, Mr. Clemens. The good news is that Pinky and the Brain will feature the same characters, the bad news is those characters will be somewhat changed. When Brain (now voiced by Clemens) asks “Are you pondering what I am pondering?” Pinky would not answer; “I think so Brain but where are we going to find three shaved squirrels and a jar of mayonnaise at this time of night?’ instead he would answer, “I think so Brain but isn’t the budget controlled by Congress and not the President?” Clemens is also hoping to cast fellow teacher Mr. Tashjian in the role of Pinky because; “Let’s face it, when he teaches all his students hear is ‘narf’ anyways.” States Clemens. So, what are we going to do tonight, brain? “Try and teach the world Social Studies!”
A.C.T.-Alien Civics Teacher
From Variety Magazine 2/26/2013
Illegal Alien?
Civics teacher and actor Mr. Clemens finds himself embroiled in a TV scandal that spans decades. Old test photos recently discovered show that Mr. Clemens played the title role of Gordon Shumway in the TV series ALF. The alien creature from the planet Melmac turns out not a puppet after all. The show was praised repeatedly for the clever use of its puppetry and the interaction with the live actors. Several lawsuits have already been filed against NBC and Clemens himself stating that they were mislead. Clemens was signed to secrecy at the time. Clemens is not apologetic for his part in the scam; “I was a starving actor at the time,” explains Clemens, “I needed the work.” The hardest part for Clemens was the cats, since Clemens is a method actor he had to do what the character did. “I have traveled a lot so I have eaten cat before but never so regularly or so ate them so rare.” Clemens’ voice was overdubbed and he had little to do with the animated series or the TV movies that followed; “although I did write an issue of the comic book!” He adds proudly. With all the retooling of classic TV series Clemens is hoping for a revival of ALF as well. No one had the heart to tell him that a new ALF would probably computer generated.
Illegal Alien?
Civics teacher and actor Mr. Clemens finds himself embroiled in a TV scandal that spans decades. Old test photos recently discovered show that Mr. Clemens played the title role of Gordon Shumway in the TV series ALF. The alien creature from the planet Melmac turns out not a puppet after all. The show was praised repeatedly for the clever use of its puppetry and the interaction with the live actors. Several lawsuits have already been filed against NBC and Clemens himself stating that they were mislead. Clemens was signed to secrecy at the time. Clemens is not apologetic for his part in the scam; “I was a starving actor at the time,” explains Clemens, “I needed the work.” The hardest part for Clemens was the cats, since Clemens is a method actor he had to do what the character did. “I have traveled a lot so I have eaten cat before but never so regularly or so ate them so rare.” Clemens’ voice was overdubbed and he had little to do with the animated series or the TV movies that followed; “although I did write an issue of the comic book!” He adds proudly. With all the retooling of classic TV series Clemens is hoping for a revival of ALF as well. No one had the heart to tell him that a new ALF would probably computer generated.
The Power is Yours!
From Cartoon Network 2/25/2013:
Captain Planet Returns!
One of the longest running cartoons of the 1990s is returning to the airwaves, Captain Planet and the Planeteers. The bad guy Hoggishly Greedy has been drilling again in areas he should not be and has awakened Gaia, the Earth spirit from her sleep, Gaia once again needs the help of Captain Planet but has found out that he has been bogged down in Senate hearings concerning his actions against big business so Gaia needs to find a new Captain Planet. Gaia turns her gaze towards the last respected honest man on the planet, civics teacher Mr. Clemens! Clemens agrees to take the job as long as it does not interfere with his teaching middle school. Clemens then creates the new Planeteers out of his middle school students and they are ready to face old villains such as Looten Plunder, Sly Sludge and Dr. Blight. Clemens, as the new Captain Planet, also faces new villains such as the Looney Lobbyist and the sinister Red Tape and his boss Captain Bureaucracy! Captain Planet returns this summer to the airwaves!
Captain Planet Returns!
One of the longest running cartoons of the 1990s is returning to the airwaves, Captain Planet and the Planeteers. The bad guy Hoggishly Greedy has been drilling again in areas he should not be and has awakened Gaia, the Earth spirit from her sleep, Gaia once again needs the help of Captain Planet but has found out that he has been bogged down in Senate hearings concerning his actions against big business so Gaia needs to find a new Captain Planet. Gaia turns her gaze towards the last respected honest man on the planet, civics teacher Mr. Clemens! Clemens agrees to take the job as long as it does not interfere with his teaching middle school. Clemens then creates the new Planeteers out of his middle school students and they are ready to face old villains such as Looten Plunder, Sly Sludge and Dr. Blight. Clemens, as the new Captain Planet, also faces new villains such as the Looney Lobbyist and the sinister Red Tape and his boss Captain Bureaucracy! Captain Planet returns this summer to the airwaves!
Burning in the Window.......
From an ad in Yankee Peddler 2/22/2013:
Yankee Candles is proud to present its latest scent, Clemens.
Based on the best selling Civics Cologne, Clemens offers a relaxing aroma of books on a rainy day with just a hint of Irish cream.
So if you are planning a relaxing evening at home or have that term paper that is due, Clemens is the right scent and the right light to help you along.
Yankee Candles is proud to present its latest scent, Clemens.
Based on the best selling Civics Cologne, Clemens offers a relaxing aroma of books on a rainy day with just a hint of Irish cream.
So if you are planning a relaxing evening at home or have that term paper that is due, Clemens is the right scent and the right light to help you along.
Blast From the Past?
From Gamers Monthly 2/21/2013:
JOUST!
Many people have gone to great lengths to re-connect with their childhood pastimes, civics teacher Mr. Clemens is one of them. “When I was growing up one of my favorite video games was Joust;” explains Clemens, “So when I was participating in my soccer league I found an opportunity to work with another animal.” For those unfamiliar with the iconic eighties video game, Joust featured characters riding around on flying ostriches and jousting with each other or with computer generated villains. “I thought it would be gnarly if we could get a Joust League going as well. The only thing I haven’t figured out yet is how to get these birds to fly.” When someone explained to Clemens that ostriches do not fly, he responded, “That’s why I am a civics teacher and not a science teacher. What sense does it make to have wings but not be able to fly? Sounds like a design flaw to me.” Clemens is rethinking the rules of his Joust League to accommodate flightless birds. “We can still charge at each other with sharp pointy things but it will not be as fun.”
JOUST!
Many people have gone to great lengths to re-connect with their childhood pastimes, civics teacher Mr. Clemens is one of them. “When I was growing up one of my favorite video games was Joust;” explains Clemens, “So when I was participating in my soccer league I found an opportunity to work with another animal.” For those unfamiliar with the iconic eighties video game, Joust featured characters riding around on flying ostriches and jousting with each other or with computer generated villains. “I thought it would be gnarly if we could get a Joust League going as well. The only thing I haven’t figured out yet is how to get these birds to fly.” When someone explained to Clemens that ostriches do not fly, he responded, “That’s why I am a civics teacher and not a science teacher. What sense does it make to have wings but not be able to fly? Sounds like a design flaw to me.” Clemens is rethinking the rules of his Joust League to accommodate flightless birds. “We can still charge at each other with sharp pointy things but it will not be as fun.”
....Able to Leap Tall Buildings.......
From Sports Illustrated 2/20/2013:
Goin’ For Gold!
Mr. Clemens has set a new record once again. Not only will he be joining the few athletes that perform in both the Summer and Winter Olympics, he will now be the oldest competitor in the Winter Games as well. “I was happy with my performance in London,” said Clemens, “and was ready to retire from competition but I have always wanted to go to Russia and that kind of traveling is hard to do on a teacher’s salary.” So when Clemens heard that Shaun White was retiring, he got out his snowboard and started practicing and earned himself the trip to Russia. “Most people complained about getting three feet of snow last week but it helped me practice.” Clemens has also been practicing his ‘boarding vocabulary and has been sprinkling the words “gnarly”, “dude” ,”boned out” and “buttslide” into almost all of his conversations. Hopefully Clemens will get a gold for the USA next winter.
Goin’ For Gold!
Mr. Clemens has set a new record once again. Not only will he be joining the few athletes that perform in both the Summer and Winter Olympics, he will now be the oldest competitor in the Winter Games as well. “I was happy with my performance in London,” said Clemens, “and was ready to retire from competition but I have always wanted to go to Russia and that kind of traveling is hard to do on a teacher’s salary.” So when Clemens heard that Shaun White was retiring, he got out his snowboard and started practicing and earned himself the trip to Russia. “Most people complained about getting three feet of snow last week but it helped me practice.” Clemens has also been practicing his ‘boarding vocabulary and has been sprinkling the words “gnarly”, “dude” ,”boned out” and “buttslide” into almost all of his conversations. Hopefully Clemens will get a gold for the USA next winter.
Pontificating!
From the Hartford Courant 2/19/2013:
Clemens to Seek Another High Office
Local Civics teacher Mr. Clemens announced today that he was going to submit his name to “Whoever you have to to become Pope.” After failing to secure the Presidency, Clemens decided he wanted another shot at a high office, he just was not sure which one until the current Pope announced his resignation. “I think Pope Civics the First has a nice ring to it,” explains Clemens, “The job itself should be fun. I get to tell people what to do, room and board is included and I can still wear green!” Clemens thinks the highest office that the church has would be a great platform for teaching civics to a wider audience since he can instruct others to spread the message in their own churches. Clemens is not worried by all the religious demands of the job, “My daughter goes to religious school so she can help me with that part.” Clemens plans on going to Rome over spring break and hopes the elections are not over by then.
Clemens to Seek Another High Office
Local Civics teacher Mr. Clemens announced today that he was going to submit his name to “Whoever you have to to become Pope.” After failing to secure the Presidency, Clemens decided he wanted another shot at a high office, he just was not sure which one until the current Pope announced his resignation. “I think Pope Civics the First has a nice ring to it,” explains Clemens, “The job itself should be fun. I get to tell people what to do, room and board is included and I can still wear green!” Clemens thinks the highest office that the church has would be a great platform for teaching civics to a wider audience since he can instruct others to spread the message in their own churches. Clemens is not worried by all the religious demands of the job, “My daughter goes to religious school so she can help me with that part.” Clemens plans on going to Rome over spring break and hopes the elections are not over by then.
New Ad Campaign
From the Hartford Courant 2/15/2013:
Clemens Spends Time Off Making New Ad
Mr. Clemens did not waste his snow days, he used them to make an ad promoting his Civics Ale line. Sales have been down and Clemens has been looking for a new angle to increase sales and promote civics. Here is the final result:
Civics texts books are approved by him
When playing with his daughters, Waldo looks for him
When he walks into a meeting administration listens to him
He was the only staff to have seen Travaglini in person
The CMTs bubble him in
He is the most interesting civics teacher alive
“I don’t always drink, but when I do it’s Clemens Ale.
Study Civics my friends.”
Clemens Spends Time Off Making New Ad
Mr. Clemens did not waste his snow days, he used them to make an ad promoting his Civics Ale line. Sales have been down and Clemens has been looking for a new angle to increase sales and promote civics. Here is the final result:
Civics texts books are approved by him
When playing with his daughters, Waldo looks for him
When he walks into a meeting administration listens to him
He was the only staff to have seen Travaglini in person
The CMTs bubble him in
He is the most interesting civics teacher alive
“I don’t always drink, but when I do it’s Clemens Ale.
Study Civics my friends.”
Another Brick in the Wall.....From Gamers’ World Magazine 2/7/2013:
Lego-Man! It is very common for many video games to have hidden items or levels in them, these types of Easter Eggs are common. Some games even have hidden characters you can unlock. Lego Rockband is no exception. If a player enters the code Civics after beating the sixties and seventies levels, they can unlock the hidden character of Mr. Clemens and have him perform with the myriad of groups that he performed with in real life. That’s right, from Queen to the Beatles to the Village People, players can take a musical Lego filled journey through the life of Clemens. “I am really honored to be a key brick in this. I have been immortalized in plastic before but never in virtual plastic,” states Clemens, “Civics fan should not there is a hidden level within the hidden level where I duet with Lego Billy Joel to We Didn’t Start the Fire.” Lego Rockband is available now. |
In the Not Too Distant Future........
From TV Guide 2/6/2013:
It’s No Mystery….
Never one to shy away from recycling a good idea, Mr. Clemens has plans to revamp the cult TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000 or MST3k. MST3k ran for 11 years, had a feature film and has become an internet sensation since then so he could pick worse material to choose from. The premise of MST3K was that Joel was, for reasons that are not going to be made clear here, shot into space and forced to watch bad movies with his robot friends. Joel and the robots spent most of the time belittling the movies they were forced to watch. MST3K aired on The Comedy Channel, Comedy Central and Sci-Fi but Mr. Clemens version will air on the History Channel. “My show is going to be Mystery Civics Theater 300 or MCT3K;” explains Clemens, “Students get enough science already.” Clemens proposes that he be sent to the International Space Station and watch films similar to the ones Joel had to. The only difference being that Clemens and his robot friends would not make fun of the movie but talk about the social and political ramifications of the events in the film. For example, if Clemens were watching Earth VS the Flying Saucers, he might talk about the cost of fighting the war and how it would affect the military industrial complex. The History Channel has not committed to this idea because it would cost too much to put Clemens back in space and the test marketing does not show the audience that MST3K had. Clemens is hopeful and if not; “I have loads of other ideas to bring civics to the masses!”
It’s No Mystery….
Never one to shy away from recycling a good idea, Mr. Clemens has plans to revamp the cult TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000 or MST3k. MST3k ran for 11 years, had a feature film and has become an internet sensation since then so he could pick worse material to choose from. The premise of MST3K was that Joel was, for reasons that are not going to be made clear here, shot into space and forced to watch bad movies with his robot friends. Joel and the robots spent most of the time belittling the movies they were forced to watch. MST3K aired on The Comedy Channel, Comedy Central and Sci-Fi but Mr. Clemens version will air on the History Channel. “My show is going to be Mystery Civics Theater 300 or MCT3K;” explains Clemens, “Students get enough science already.” Clemens proposes that he be sent to the International Space Station and watch films similar to the ones Joel had to. The only difference being that Clemens and his robot friends would not make fun of the movie but talk about the social and political ramifications of the events in the film. For example, if Clemens were watching Earth VS the Flying Saucers, he might talk about the cost of fighting the war and how it would affect the military industrial complex. The History Channel has not committed to this idea because it would cost too much to put Clemens back in space and the test marketing does not show the audience that MST3K had. Clemens is hopeful and if not; “I have loads of other ideas to bring civics to the masses!”
Didn't Make the Cut
From TV Guide 1/5/2013:
The Force is not with Him.
For the first time in recent memory a Superbowl went by with no ad featuring Mr. Clemens. “I was crushed that my commercial didn’t air,” sighs Clemens, “I only got to make one with my run for President and all.” Clemens ad was for Volkswagon, it was a follow up to the little Darth Vader ad that captured the hearts of America last year. “Unfortunately the kid from the original ad was unavailable, I think he has his own reality show now,” explains Clemens,” so they turned to me and I use my force powers against the Love Bug. It really was a cute commercial.” Volkswagon decided to air a commercial with Will Wheaton as a film director instead. “And I’m okay with that,” explains Clemens, “I met Will when I was auditioning for both Stand By me and Star Trek: The Next Generation and he is a good guy, he could use the break.” Clemens fans need not worry, he has many projects planned for the upcoming summer break.
The Force is not with Him.
For the first time in recent memory a Superbowl went by with no ad featuring Mr. Clemens. “I was crushed that my commercial didn’t air,” sighs Clemens, “I only got to make one with my run for President and all.” Clemens ad was for Volkswagon, it was a follow up to the little Darth Vader ad that captured the hearts of America last year. “Unfortunately the kid from the original ad was unavailable, I think he has his own reality show now,” explains Clemens,” so they turned to me and I use my force powers against the Love Bug. It really was a cute commercial.” Volkswagon decided to air a commercial with Will Wheaton as a film director instead. “And I’m okay with that,” explains Clemens, “I met Will when I was auditioning for both Stand By me and Star Trek: The Next Generation and he is a good guy, he could use the break.” Clemens fans need not worry, he has many projects planned for the upcoming summer break.
The Karate Civics Teacher!
From Variety Magazine 2/4/2013:
Waxing On!
Mr. Clemens is at it again. He is currently in talks with Paramount Pictures to make a sequel to the original Karate Kid. In the movie Clemens plays a Civics Teacher whose family is kidnapped by a group of ninjas. The leader of the ninjas wants his daughter to score well on the standardized tests so she can get into a good high school. He is planning on having Mr. Clemens fake the test results to get his family back. Of course Mr. Clemens cannot do that so he needs karate lessons to take on the ninjas but cannot afford them on a teacher’s salary so he hits the street looking for donations. One person stops to help him, Daniel, the original Karate Kid, not a karate instructor himself. He takes it upon himself to train Clemens in time to rescue his family before it is time to take the CMTs. There is no word as of yet if Ralph Macchio will be returning as Daniel but Clemens is hopeful since, “He aint been in anything else since.”
Waxing On!
Mr. Clemens is at it again. He is currently in talks with Paramount Pictures to make a sequel to the original Karate Kid. In the movie Clemens plays a Civics Teacher whose family is kidnapped by a group of ninjas. The leader of the ninjas wants his daughter to score well on the standardized tests so she can get into a good high school. He is planning on having Mr. Clemens fake the test results to get his family back. Of course Mr. Clemens cannot do that so he needs karate lessons to take on the ninjas but cannot afford them on a teacher’s salary so he hits the street looking for donations. One person stops to help him, Daniel, the original Karate Kid, not a karate instructor himself. He takes it upon himself to train Clemens in time to rescue his family before it is time to take the CMTs. There is no word as of yet if Ralph Macchio will be returning as Daniel but Clemens is hopeful since, “He aint been in anything else since.”
All Terrian Fun!
From the Hartford Courant 2/01/2013:
Pimp My Ride!
One of the inevitable outcomes of men getting older is that they buy a sports car. If that man is married it leads to the argument about the practicality of the car and what are you going to do with it in the wintertime? Local civics teacher Mr. Clemens seems to have solved that dilemma. He made his recently purchased Camero into a vehicle that is not only optimal for all seasons but all terrains as well. “I got the idea from watching a marathon of Top Gear,” explains Mr. Clemens, “The real British version, not the cheap American knock-off.” He has named his car the Camero CT or Clemens Tank. “I think I could use it to roll over and crush other cars so anybody that cuts me off better watch out.” Warned Clemens. The Camero CT is not commercially available at this time but Clemens is in talks to open up his own custom garage.
Pimp My Ride!
One of the inevitable outcomes of men getting older is that they buy a sports car. If that man is married it leads to the argument about the practicality of the car and what are you going to do with it in the wintertime? Local civics teacher Mr. Clemens seems to have solved that dilemma. He made his recently purchased Camero into a vehicle that is not only optimal for all seasons but all terrains as well. “I got the idea from watching a marathon of Top Gear,” explains Mr. Clemens, “The real British version, not the cheap American knock-off.” He has named his car the Camero CT or Clemens Tank. “I think I could use it to roll over and crush other cars so anybody that cuts me off better watch out.” Warned Clemens. The Camero CT is not commercially available at this time but Clemens is in talks to open up his own custom garage.
Clemens: The MovieFrom Oprah! Magazine 1/31/2013:
Oprah to make Clemens Biopic! It was announced today that the Oprah Winfrey Network will be making a docudrama based on the early years of the life of Mr. Clemens. “I was particularly fascinated by the time when he was a struggling actor,” explains Oprah, “especially when he was so poor that he had a one bedroom studio and had to do his dishes in the bath.” The movie will trace Clemens humble beginnings from the time he left home to the time he became the first Caucasian cast member of the Whiz. “It was because of the size of my hair,” elaborates Clemens, “first I was part of the Yellow Brick Road and then later became the scarecrow. A role later made famous by one of my mentors, Michael Jackson.” The movie will climax with Clemens being one of the founding members of the village people. If successful, a second feature will be produced that will cover his later acting roles, teaching career and his work for the Obama Administration. Clemens: the Beginnings will air summer of 2013. |
Wooly Bully!
From the Hartford Courant 1/30/2013:
Fun Farming!
Everyone knows how bad the economy is these days and people do what they have to do to get by. Mr. Clemens is planning on resurrecting an old business of his, alpaca farming. Clemens, right after college, took some time off to travel the world. One of the many adventures he had was shepherding on an alpaca farm. He even had his clothes made from the alpaca wool at the time. “They are really docile creatures,” explains Clemens, “Very easy to work with but smell funny when they get wet.” Clemens has contacted some of the people he met while in South Africa and has arranged to have some alpacas brought over to the states. “I am going to keep them at the school and run the first farm from there,” Clemens elaborates, “No one uses the fenced in area past the playground plus we can shear them to make sweaters for our students. I just need to figure it out if you dye the wool blue while it is on the alpaca or after it is sheared. I can have a student look it up on Wikipedia for me.” The alpacas are set to arrive sometime in February.
Fun Farming!
Everyone knows how bad the economy is these days and people do what they have to do to get by. Mr. Clemens is planning on resurrecting an old business of his, alpaca farming. Clemens, right after college, took some time off to travel the world. One of the many adventures he had was shepherding on an alpaca farm. He even had his clothes made from the alpaca wool at the time. “They are really docile creatures,” explains Clemens, “Very easy to work with but smell funny when they get wet.” Clemens has contacted some of the people he met while in South Africa and has arranged to have some alpacas brought over to the states. “I am going to keep them at the school and run the first farm from there,” Clemens elaborates, “No one uses the fenced in area past the playground plus we can shear them to make sweaters for our students. I just need to figure it out if you dye the wool blue while it is on the alpaca or after it is sheared. I can have a student look it up on Wikipedia for me.” The alpacas are set to arrive sometime in February.
A Differnt Set of Jaws
From Variety Magazine 1/29/2013:
He’s Got Bite
After taking a brief hiatus from acting Mr. Clemens is ready to go and his new project is the remake of the 1975 classic, Jaws. Clemens will be taking over the role of Quint, the rogue captain who thought he could take the shark on without any help. “I think Quint is a misunderstood character,” explains Clemens, “he wanted to hunt the shark alone so he would not endanger anybody else.” Clemens also sees the role as a teaching opportunity. “I am not going to play the role as Robert Shaw did, only Robert Shaw can play Robert Shaw. Instead my Quint is going to be friendlier and more helpful to Brody. I want this Quint to show good water safety habits. After all, as the National Director for Water Safety I cannot play a character that is unsafe on a boat.” There is no word on the rest of the cast but if Mr. Clemens has his way the rest of the Social Studies department may have a cameo or two.
He’s Got Bite
After taking a brief hiatus from acting Mr. Clemens is ready to go and his new project is the remake of the 1975 classic, Jaws. Clemens will be taking over the role of Quint, the rogue captain who thought he could take the shark on without any help. “I think Quint is a misunderstood character,” explains Clemens, “he wanted to hunt the shark alone so he would not endanger anybody else.” Clemens also sees the role as a teaching opportunity. “I am not going to play the role as Robert Shaw did, only Robert Shaw can play Robert Shaw. Instead my Quint is going to be friendlier and more helpful to Brody. I want this Quint to show good water safety habits. After all, as the National Director for Water Safety I cannot play a character that is unsafe on a boat.” There is no word on the rest of the cast but if Mr. Clemens has his way the rest of the Social Studies department may have a cameo or two.
12 Months of Fun!
From Publishers Monthly 1/25/2013:
A Year Full of Clemens
What does everyone need come January 1st? A new calendar. That is just what Mr. Clemens has provided for the staff at his building, the Clemens 2013 Calendar which marks all important dates in the life of their favorite civics teacher. Why wait until the end of January to hand out a calendar? “I have never been very good with deadlines,” explains Clemens, “although I do like the whooshing noise they make as they fly past.” People everywhere will be able to re-live their favorite Clemens moments of the past year including his time with the Village People to his run for President. The Calendar can be downloaded here.
A Year Full of Clemens
What does everyone need come January 1st? A new calendar. That is just what Mr. Clemens has provided for the staff at his building, the Clemens 2013 Calendar which marks all important dates in the life of their favorite civics teacher. Why wait until the end of January to hand out a calendar? “I have never been very good with deadlines,” explains Clemens, “although I do like the whooshing noise they make as they fly past.” People everywhere will be able to re-live their favorite Clemens moments of the past year including his time with the Village People to his run for President. The Calendar can be downloaded here.
Mid-Life Crisis!
From Sports Illustrated 1/24/2013:
The Civics Teacher Who Roared!
Men of certain ages decide for some reason that they are young again and want to do the brash things that they did in their youth. It usually happens in the late thirties or early forties. This is called a mid-life crisis. It usually happens around a person’s birthday so it came as no big surprise that Mr. Clemens recently announced that he would be taking up a new sport, an extreme sport even. The choice, however, was a little bizarre. “Soccer with Lions is a very underappreciated sport,” explains Mr. Clemens, “The rules are pretty much the same but the intensity is so much more.” The rules are in fact very similar to soccer, or football, but with a few exceptions. The human players can foul the lions by stepping on their tails or pulling their manes. The lions can foul the humans by disemboweling them. “Then again,” adds Clemens, “What sport is without a little risk?” The season starts in the spring and lasts as long as substitute human players can be found. “We are very safety conscious,” elaborates Clemens, “We feed the lions before each game and cover the ball with a meat sauce so the lions go after it instead of you. The only worry is if you kick the ball the wrong way and some of that sauce splatters on you. If that happens a time out is charged to your team and you are forced to change. If you are out of time outs, let’s just hope you are a fast runner.” Soccer with Lions can be seen late nights on ESPN-2.
The Civics Teacher Who Roared!
Men of certain ages decide for some reason that they are young again and want to do the brash things that they did in their youth. It usually happens in the late thirties or early forties. This is called a mid-life crisis. It usually happens around a person’s birthday so it came as no big surprise that Mr. Clemens recently announced that he would be taking up a new sport, an extreme sport even. The choice, however, was a little bizarre. “Soccer with Lions is a very underappreciated sport,” explains Mr. Clemens, “The rules are pretty much the same but the intensity is so much more.” The rules are in fact very similar to soccer, or football, but with a few exceptions. The human players can foul the lions by stepping on their tails or pulling their manes. The lions can foul the humans by disemboweling them. “Then again,” adds Clemens, “What sport is without a little risk?” The season starts in the spring and lasts as long as substitute human players can be found. “We are very safety conscious,” elaborates Clemens, “We feed the lions before each game and cover the ball with a meat sauce so the lions go after it instead of you. The only worry is if you kick the ball the wrong way and some of that sauce splatters on you. If that happens a time out is charged to your team and you are forced to change. If you are out of time outs, let’s just hope you are a fast runner.” Soccer with Lions can be seen late nights on ESPN-2.
We Knew He was Cheesey!
From the Weekly World News 1/23/2013:
Clemens Found in Food
A middle school student at Naylor School found an interesting vision in his snack found. “I found an image of Mr. Clemens in my Cheetos!” The student exclaimed. Finding the images of famous historical figures in food is not new, the faces of Jesus and the Virgin Mary have been spotted on all sorts of food items over the years. In fact a man in texas sold a grilled cheese sandwich with the image of Jesus on it to a casino for $28,000. This is probably what prompted Clemens to make the remark that has gotten him into a lot of trouble. He told the student to put the Cheeto on Ebay and that he should get a lot of money for it because he was bigger than Cheesus. “I am not saying I am bigger than religion like John Lennon did, I am saying with my experience as a famous fast food mascot I am better known than a grilled cheese sandwich.” This explanation has not satisfied many of his critics who are insisting he step down from any mascotting jobs he has at the moment. Clemens refuses to do so and is waiting for the controversy to blow over when “someone sees Abraham Lincoln in their Sphagetti-os.”
Clemens Found in Food
A middle school student at Naylor School found an interesting vision in his snack found. “I found an image of Mr. Clemens in my Cheetos!” The student exclaimed. Finding the images of famous historical figures in food is not new, the faces of Jesus and the Virgin Mary have been spotted on all sorts of food items over the years. In fact a man in texas sold a grilled cheese sandwich with the image of Jesus on it to a casino for $28,000. This is probably what prompted Clemens to make the remark that has gotten him into a lot of trouble. He told the student to put the Cheeto on Ebay and that he should get a lot of money for it because he was bigger than Cheesus. “I am not saying I am bigger than religion like John Lennon did, I am saying with my experience as a famous fast food mascot I am better known than a grilled cheese sandwich.” This explanation has not satisfied many of his critics who are insisting he step down from any mascotting jobs he has at the moment. Clemens refuses to do so and is waiting for the controversy to blow over when “someone sees Abraham Lincoln in their Sphagetti-os.”
Cool Enough for School!
From TV Guide 1/22/2013:
School House Raps!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens is brining School House Rocks back into the schools! “I have updated it for a modern audience. I now rap the familiar tunes.” It is a sight to see Mr. Clemens rapping the Preamble to the Constitution and My Hero Zero. “I have also added a few new raps,” elaborates Clemens, “I know have ones called Please Don’t Text the Test, Put the Phone away and Everyone Needs a Little Civics.” Although Clemens shot School House Raps in his garage Disney is planning to air them because Disney likes to exploit anything they can. “They are also under contract to produce three of my projects.” Adds Clemens; “I’m thinking a Broadway play called The Civics King might be next.”
School House Raps!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens is brining School House Rocks back into the schools! “I have updated it for a modern audience. I now rap the familiar tunes.” It is a sight to see Mr. Clemens rapping the Preamble to the Constitution and My Hero Zero. “I have also added a few new raps,” elaborates Clemens, “I know have ones called Please Don’t Text the Test, Put the Phone away and Everyone Needs a Little Civics.” Although Clemens shot School House Raps in his garage Disney is planning to air them because Disney likes to exploit anything they can. “They are also under contract to produce three of my projects.” Adds Clemens; “I’m thinking a Broadway play called The Civics King might be next.”
Just Chillin'
From Sports Illustrated 1/18/2013:
Gettin’ Piggy With It!
It’s that time of year again, Polar Bear Clubs, Penguin Plunges and, of course, the Inflatable Raft Race. Mr. Clemens has won the race the past three years in a row in his inflatable raft, the Swine Trek. “I am a huge Pigs in Space fan,” claims Mr. Clemens, “I even liked the spin off Deep Space Swine. That’s why I put on my Dr. Strangepork costume and paddle away for charity.” Clemens started racing years ago but only recently became a champion. “I stopped using my own hot air to pump up the raft and the costume,” he explains, “I now use recorded speeches of politicians.” All kidding aside, Clemens uses a hot air pump which circulates the air between the raft and costume. Clemens was surprised he won last year in his pig costume, “It’s hard to row with hooves,” he lamented, “but determination saw me through. This year I am using black gloves instead and I think it will make a world of difference.” Make sure to root for Mr. Clemens as he paddles his pig this weekend.
Gettin’ Piggy With It!
It’s that time of year again, Polar Bear Clubs, Penguin Plunges and, of course, the Inflatable Raft Race. Mr. Clemens has won the race the past three years in a row in his inflatable raft, the Swine Trek. “I am a huge Pigs in Space fan,” claims Mr. Clemens, “I even liked the spin off Deep Space Swine. That’s why I put on my Dr. Strangepork costume and paddle away for charity.” Clemens started racing years ago but only recently became a champion. “I stopped using my own hot air to pump up the raft and the costume,” he explains, “I now use recorded speeches of politicians.” All kidding aside, Clemens uses a hot air pump which circulates the air between the raft and costume. Clemens was surprised he won last year in his pig costume, “It’s hard to row with hooves,” he lamented, “but determination saw me through. This year I am using black gloves instead and I think it will make a world of difference.” Make sure to root for Mr. Clemens as he paddles his pig this weekend.
No Business like Snow Business!From the Hartford Courant 1/17/2013:
Clemens in Trouble! Local Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens was cautioned by police yesterday for child endangerment and slavery. After the snowfall Mr. Clemens put a sign on his driveway which read “Free Snowman kit, some assembly required” and placed a shovel by it. He then encouraged all the neighborhood children to remove the snow to their own houses to build their snowmen. “I thought it was a win-win situation, they got snowmen and I got a clean driveway.” Explains Clemens; “but some of the neighborhood parents did not see it that way. It was better than my first idea which was to sell the snowman kits to the children.” As a punishment for trying to take advantages of their friends, Mr. Clemens’ daughters made him shovel all of the neighbor’s driveways for them. “It was not how I planned to enjoy my snowday.” Clemens sighed. |
Anger Issues!
From Gamer’s Monthly 1/15/2013:
Really Mad!!
Mr. Clemens is angry! Or at least that is the premise of the new chapter in the Angry Birds saga by Rovio. Launching this spring comes Angry Civics! Civics is finally made a content area and will be counted on standardized tests everywhere but those evil content area pigs have stolen the curriculum so Clemens and the social studies department cannot teach! They even took the flash players off the computers so there is no media driven instruction! It is up to Mr. Clemens to save the day and recover the stolen lesson plans so civics will be safe for middle school students everywhere!
Really Mad!!
Mr. Clemens is angry! Or at least that is the premise of the new chapter in the Angry Birds saga by Rovio. Launching this spring comes Angry Civics! Civics is finally made a content area and will be counted on standardized tests everywhere but those evil content area pigs have stolen the curriculum so Clemens and the social studies department cannot teach! They even took the flash players off the computers so there is no media driven instruction! It is up to Mr. Clemens to save the day and recover the stolen lesson plans so civics will be safe for middle school students everywhere!
He's Going Green!
From the Hartford Courant 1/10/2013:
Green is Great!
As the date quickly approaches for Connecticut’s ComicCon many fans are already prepping their costumes, local civics teacher Mr. Clemens is amongst them. “I love the Green Lantern, “explains Clemens, “I think he has the best power! Imagine being able to summon up anything you want just by thinking about it. I could make a huge civics text book that my whole class could read at the same time!” Green is also Clemens' favorite color as most students know because of the sweater he wears everyday. Like most fans, Clemens made his costume himself. “It was a labor of love, no matter how many band-aids I needed by the end.” Clemens plans on entering the costume contest and has high hopes of winning, or at least placing this year;” I even made a lantern and a ring that light up green when pressed!” We wish him luck in his endevors.
Green is Great!
As the date quickly approaches for Connecticut’s ComicCon many fans are already prepping their costumes, local civics teacher Mr. Clemens is amongst them. “I love the Green Lantern, “explains Clemens, “I think he has the best power! Imagine being able to summon up anything you want just by thinking about it. I could make a huge civics text book that my whole class could read at the same time!” Green is also Clemens' favorite color as most students know because of the sweater he wears everyday. Like most fans, Clemens made his costume himself. “It was a labor of love, no matter how many band-aids I needed by the end.” Clemens plans on entering the costume contest and has high hopes of winning, or at least placing this year;” I even made a lantern and a ring that light up green when pressed!” We wish him luck in his endevors.
The Dark Knight Rises!
From the Hartford Courant 1/9/2013:
He is a Naylor Knight!
After a brief absence from the profession, Mr. Clemens has accepted a new mascot position, this time for his own school! Naylor recently created a basketball program and all that the program lacked was a mascot, Clemens knew immediately who should fill that void. He became the Naylor Knight. “I have had a great deal of experience and success mascotting, not counting the time I was Twinkie the Kid but, hey, looked what happened to them after they let me go.” Mr. Clemens went on to say he knows how to whip crowds into a frenzy and help his team win. “When the students approached me about creating a mascot I told them they did not need to, they already had one.” The students are happy to have their favorite, and only, civics teacher as their mascot and look forward to seeing him at the game. Clemens is looking forward to it as well; “I love middle school and anything I can do to help them is more better.”
He is a Naylor Knight!
After a brief absence from the profession, Mr. Clemens has accepted a new mascot position, this time for his own school! Naylor recently created a basketball program and all that the program lacked was a mascot, Clemens knew immediately who should fill that void. He became the Naylor Knight. “I have had a great deal of experience and success mascotting, not counting the time I was Twinkie the Kid but, hey, looked what happened to them after they let me go.” Mr. Clemens went on to say he knows how to whip crowds into a frenzy and help his team win. “When the students approached me about creating a mascot I told them they did not need to, they already had one.” The students are happy to have their favorite, and only, civics teacher as their mascot and look forward to seeing him at the game. Clemens is looking forward to it as well; “I love middle school and anything I can do to help them is more better.”
He's Down on the Corner!
From Billboard Magazine 1/7/2013:
Heard it Through the Grape Vine
Mr. Clemens is returning to his musical roots as he plans to record a new album with previous members of CCR. This time around it will be the Clemens Civics Revival instead of Creedence Clearwater Revival. The new CCR will perform many of the old CCR’s hits but with a civics twist. “Fortunate Son we can leave the same,” states Mr. Clemens, “but we’ll change Born on the Bayou around to talk about Katrina and Before You Accuse Me will now be a lesson on our civil laws. I Heard it Through the Grape Vine has been updated to I heard it Through the Twitter Feed and Bootleg will now talk about internet piracy.” Clemens and the band plan to tour middle and high schools to get their message across although no dates have been booked yet. “Someday soon.” Says Mr. Clemens but as CCR knows Someday Never Comes.
Heard it Through the Grape Vine
Mr. Clemens is returning to his musical roots as he plans to record a new album with previous members of CCR. This time around it will be the Clemens Civics Revival instead of Creedence Clearwater Revival. The new CCR will perform many of the old CCR’s hits but with a civics twist. “Fortunate Son we can leave the same,” states Mr. Clemens, “but we’ll change Born on the Bayou around to talk about Katrina and Before You Accuse Me will now be a lesson on our civil laws. I Heard it Through the Grape Vine has been updated to I heard it Through the Twitter Feed and Bootleg will now talk about internet piracy.” Clemens and the band plan to tour middle and high schools to get their message across although no dates have been booked yet. “Someday soon.” Says Mr. Clemens but as CCR knows Someday Never Comes.
"He's cute and Geeky at the Same Time...He's Cukey!"
From Nickelodeon Magazine 1/3/2013:
Time For Random Teaching
Nickelodeon Magazine is pleased to announce the return of iCarly to the airwaves. The premise is the same but a few of the characters have changed. Although they have agreed to return for the first episode, Miranda Cosgrove and Jennette McCurdy will not be part of the recurring cast. Instead they will be handing over the reins to their favorite teacher, Mr. Clemens and, of course, Gibby. Carly has come back from Japan for a visit with her friends. She and Sam decide to put on a special iCarly show. The show lands Carly and Sam in trouble and they have to turn to Mr. Clemens to bail them out using his vast knowledge of civics. After learning a valuable lesson the girls decide the best way to thank Mr. Clemens is to let him take over his favorite web show, iCarly. Clemens renames the show iClemens but promises to keep random dancing. Clemens plans to use the show to entertain and inform; “it’s not called infotainment for nothing.” He states.
Time For Random Teaching
Nickelodeon Magazine is pleased to announce the return of iCarly to the airwaves. The premise is the same but a few of the characters have changed. Although they have agreed to return for the first episode, Miranda Cosgrove and Jennette McCurdy will not be part of the recurring cast. Instead they will be handing over the reins to their favorite teacher, Mr. Clemens and, of course, Gibby. Carly has come back from Japan for a visit with her friends. She and Sam decide to put on a special iCarly show. The show lands Carly and Sam in trouble and they have to turn to Mr. Clemens to bail them out using his vast knowledge of civics. After learning a valuable lesson the girls decide the best way to thank Mr. Clemens is to let him take over his favorite web show, iCarly. Clemens renames the show iClemens but promises to keep random dancing. Clemens plans to use the show to entertain and inform; “it’s not called infotainment for nothing.” He states.
"Funny Words I SIng When I am Teaching......"
From Variety Magazine 1/2/2013:
Clemens to Offer Civics Candy!
Fans of Lazytown can rejoice as the series is returning to television under a new name and premise. Mr. Clemens’ Civicstown will premiere to young audiences this fall. The premise Clemens came up with is that Robbie Rotten, instead of spending all his money on costumes and inventions to make the children of Lazytown be quiet, has invested in soundproofing and his living happily ever after. With no villain, the town’s superhero, Sportacus, has moved on to another town. Enter Civicsus. Civicsus is a new hero, played by Mr. Clemens, who brings school to the children of Lazytown. As much as Sportacus taught the children to settle their problems with good hygiene, nutrition and sports, Civicsus teaches them to solve all their problems using civics.”The nice thing is there is a lot of music in the show, just like before, and I love to sing.” States Clemens. The villain of the new show will be Marky Math, who argues with Clemens that civics is not a core subject and tries to get the town to abandon civics and rely only on spreadsheets to solve problems. Civicsus and the kids have their work cut out for them foiling Marky Math’s evil schemes for a civics free Lazytown.
Clemens to Offer Civics Candy!
Fans of Lazytown can rejoice as the series is returning to television under a new name and premise. Mr. Clemens’ Civicstown will premiere to young audiences this fall. The premise Clemens came up with is that Robbie Rotten, instead of spending all his money on costumes and inventions to make the children of Lazytown be quiet, has invested in soundproofing and his living happily ever after. With no villain, the town’s superhero, Sportacus, has moved on to another town. Enter Civicsus. Civicsus is a new hero, played by Mr. Clemens, who brings school to the children of Lazytown. As much as Sportacus taught the children to settle their problems with good hygiene, nutrition and sports, Civicsus teaches them to solve all their problems using civics.”The nice thing is there is a lot of music in the show, just like before, and I love to sing.” States Clemens. The villain of the new show will be Marky Math, who argues with Clemens that civics is not a core subject and tries to get the town to abandon civics and rely only on spreadsheets to solve problems. Civicsus and the kids have their work cut out for them foiling Marky Math’s evil schemes for a civics free Lazytown.
Merry Civicsmas!!!
From TV Guide 12/21/2012:
He’s a Real Miser!
Santa has had to face off against the Heatmiser and the Snowmiser but he faces the greatest threat to Christmas yet when the Civicsmiser comes to town in The Year Without a Santa Claus Part 2. It starts off when Santa, being the benevolent being he is, decides to get his elves some further education about the world around them. He hires Mr. Clemens, the Civicsmiser, to teach them about how the world functions. Santa gets a rude awakening when Clemens teaches the elves about slave labor and the rise of the American Unions. Will Santa be forced to pay his workers? Will the elves get sick days and time off? Will Christmas be cancelled because of a labor dispute brought on by Mr. Clemens? Will Clemens turn Christmas into Civicsmas? Be sure to turn in and find out!
He’s a Real Miser!
Santa has had to face off against the Heatmiser and the Snowmiser but he faces the greatest threat to Christmas yet when the Civicsmiser comes to town in The Year Without a Santa Claus Part 2. It starts off when Santa, being the benevolent being he is, decides to get his elves some further education about the world around them. He hires Mr. Clemens, the Civicsmiser, to teach them about how the world functions. Santa gets a rude awakening when Clemens teaches the elves about slave labor and the rise of the American Unions. Will Santa be forced to pay his workers? Will the elves get sick days and time off? Will Christmas be cancelled because of a labor dispute brought on by Mr. Clemens? Will Clemens turn Christmas into Civicsmas? Be sure to turn in and find out!
Khan!!!!!
From Genealogy Today Magazine 11/27/2012:
His wife was right, he is a Mongrel!
Recently Genealogy Today took it upon itself to look into the family trees of the Presidential Candidates and found some interesting facts about them. Perhaps one of the most interesting is that Mr. Clemens ancestry can be traced back to the Mongrel Hordes of Genghis Khan! It seems odd that someone with the surname of Clemens would be part of this particular bloodthirsty group but the records are clear on the subject and Clemens Khan had a reputation as a take no prisoners kind of guy. This perhaps explains Mr. Clemens strange liking for fur hats and fuzzy sweaters. “Having discovered this explains a lot,” stated Clemens, “It explains why I love history and why I was a good union rep.” Several other interesting tidbits turned up in Clemens’ background and will be discussed in future articles.
His wife was right, he is a Mongrel!
Recently Genealogy Today took it upon itself to look into the family trees of the Presidential Candidates and found some interesting facts about them. Perhaps one of the most interesting is that Mr. Clemens ancestry can be traced back to the Mongrel Hordes of Genghis Khan! It seems odd that someone with the surname of Clemens would be part of this particular bloodthirsty group but the records are clear on the subject and Clemens Khan had a reputation as a take no prisoners kind of guy. This perhaps explains Mr. Clemens strange liking for fur hats and fuzzy sweaters. “Having discovered this explains a lot,” stated Clemens, “It explains why I love history and why I was a good union rep.” Several other interesting tidbits turned up in Clemens’ background and will be discussed in future articles.
An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving!
From the Hartford Courant 11/26/2012:
Clemens Recovering
Mr. Clemens was briefly hospitalized Thanksgiving when he decided that he would have an old fashioned Thanksgiving. “I thought that we as a Nation were getting to soft so I wanted to do Thanksgiving like our forefathers did.” This included trapping his own turkey. Clemens spent Wednesday afternoon on his roof but not a single turkey came by. “They’re birds,” explained Clemens, “I was waiting for one to fly over.” After realizing his error, Clemens had no trouble finding wild turkeys near his house, the only problem was that they fight back. “It’s much harder than going to Stop and Shop,” confessed Clemens from his hospital bed, “and not as satisfying as I thought it would be.” Even though the wild turkey fought Mr. Clemens off, his wife was able to brave an even worse danger and managed to find a Butterball at the grocery store Thanksgiving morning.
Clemens Recovering
Mr. Clemens was briefly hospitalized Thanksgiving when he decided that he would have an old fashioned Thanksgiving. “I thought that we as a Nation were getting to soft so I wanted to do Thanksgiving like our forefathers did.” This included trapping his own turkey. Clemens spent Wednesday afternoon on his roof but not a single turkey came by. “They’re birds,” explained Clemens, “I was waiting for one to fly over.” After realizing his error, Clemens had no trouble finding wild turkeys near his house, the only problem was that they fight back. “It’s much harder than going to Stop and Shop,” confessed Clemens from his hospital bed, “and not as satisfying as I thought it would be.” Even though the wild turkey fought Mr. Clemens off, his wife was able to brave an even worse danger and managed to find a Butterball at the grocery store Thanksgiving morning.
Clemens' Show Gobbled up by Network!
From the Hartford Courant 11/21/2012:
Clemens' Show Pulled!
The Thanksgiving episode of Cooking with Civics will not be airing on Food Network Tomorrow as the network execs have decided not to air it. “We appreciate what Mr. Clemens is trying to do with his show and we support the education process, we just felt that the show is a little dark for Thanksgiving. We will air it at a later time when younger viewers are not present.” Mr. Clemens did not understand the network’s position;” All I try to do on this show is educate and cook,” he explained, “And all I did was tell the real story of Thanksgiving.” What follows is an excerpt from Clemens' narration:
The story began in 1614 when a band of English explorers sailed home to England with a ship full of Patuxet Indians bound for slavery. They left behind smallpox which virtually wiped out those who had escaped. By the time the Pilgrims arrived in Massachusetts Bay they found only one living Patuxet Indian, a man named Squanto who had survived slavery in England and knew their language. He taught them to grow corn and to fish, and negotiated a peace treaty between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Nation. At the end of their first year, the Pilgrims held a great feast honoring Squanto and the Wampanoags.
But as word spread in England about the paradise to be found in the new world, religious zealots called Puritans began arriving by the boat load. Finding no fences around the land, they considered it to be in the public domain. Joined by other British settlers, they seized land, capturing strong young Natives for slaves and killing the rest. But the Pequot Nation had not agreed to the peace treaty Squanto had negotiated and they fought back. The Pequot War was one of the bloodiest Indian wars ever fought. Now let’s talk about how to baste this bad boy!
Clemens feels that the age does not matter, only that the true story is known; “Facts are facts. We can still enjoy Thanksgiving even if we know the history behind it.” Food Network has said the episode will air at 1AM the following Sunday.
Clemens' Show Pulled!
The Thanksgiving episode of Cooking with Civics will not be airing on Food Network Tomorrow as the network execs have decided not to air it. “We appreciate what Mr. Clemens is trying to do with his show and we support the education process, we just felt that the show is a little dark for Thanksgiving. We will air it at a later time when younger viewers are not present.” Mr. Clemens did not understand the network’s position;” All I try to do on this show is educate and cook,” he explained, “And all I did was tell the real story of Thanksgiving.” What follows is an excerpt from Clemens' narration:
The story began in 1614 when a band of English explorers sailed home to England with a ship full of Patuxet Indians bound for slavery. They left behind smallpox which virtually wiped out those who had escaped. By the time the Pilgrims arrived in Massachusetts Bay they found only one living Patuxet Indian, a man named Squanto who had survived slavery in England and knew their language. He taught them to grow corn and to fish, and negotiated a peace treaty between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Nation. At the end of their first year, the Pilgrims held a great feast honoring Squanto and the Wampanoags.
But as word spread in England about the paradise to be found in the new world, religious zealots called Puritans began arriving by the boat load. Finding no fences around the land, they considered it to be in the public domain. Joined by other British settlers, they seized land, capturing strong young Natives for slaves and killing the rest. But the Pequot Nation had not agreed to the peace treaty Squanto had negotiated and they fought back. The Pequot War was one of the bloodiest Indian wars ever fought. Now let’s talk about how to baste this bad boy!
Clemens feels that the age does not matter, only that the true story is known; “Facts are facts. We can still enjoy Thanksgiving even if we know the history behind it.” Food Network has said the episode will air at 1AM the following Sunday.
Gimme Shelter!From the Hartford Courant 11/20/2012:
Shelter from the Storm The Clemens’ family has been known to take in the occasional stray animal. That changed with hurricane Sandy. Many animals were left homeless and Mr. Clemens and his family have stepped up to the challenge. “We now have a virtual zoo in our house,” explains Mr. Clemens, “And I don’t mean virtual zoo like the game I play on my phone, I mean an actual zoo.” Finding the stray animals and taking them in is the easy part, it is adopting them out that is hard. To solve that problem, Clemens came up with a unique solution, designer pets. Mr. Clemens will make any animal look however a client wants it. For example, a little boy wanted a Picachu. Since they don’t exist the parents turned to Mr. Clemens and they got the next best thing. “There is a whole market out there!” Exclaims Clemens; “I could unload half of them as Ewoks or Wookies at any sci-fi convention!” The designer pet business is a booming one, Clemens even has his own President Garfield. |
Athlete of the Year........
From Sports Illustrated 11/16/2012:
His Cup of Tea
As the nominees for athlete of the year start coming in, one athlete is getting a surprising number of votes, Mr. Clemens, Captain of the Hartford Civics Rugby Team. “I think Rugby is a great way to have my students blow off steam, most of them return with their limbs still attached and you don’t really need to earlobes anyway,” explains Clemens, “I think Oscar Wilde had it right when he said ‘Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city’”. Clemens is referring to the famous Rugby play, Johan le Roux, who bit a player’s earlobe off in a match in South Africa. “Rugby is also a good way of teaching the Crusades or D-Day, so it is academically relevant as well.” Clemens is honored to be a nominee for athlete of the year but believes it should go to his friend Joe, the Hockey Player because “there is a real violent sport, when it is not on strike and you need to be a Mr. Incredible to play it.”
His Cup of Tea
As the nominees for athlete of the year start coming in, one athlete is getting a surprising number of votes, Mr. Clemens, Captain of the Hartford Civics Rugby Team. “I think Rugby is a great way to have my students blow off steam, most of them return with their limbs still attached and you don’t really need to earlobes anyway,” explains Clemens, “I think Oscar Wilde had it right when he said ‘Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city’”. Clemens is referring to the famous Rugby play, Johan le Roux, who bit a player’s earlobe off in a match in South Africa. “Rugby is also a good way of teaching the Crusades or D-Day, so it is academically relevant as well.” Clemens is honored to be a nominee for athlete of the year but believes it should go to his friend Joe, the Hockey Player because “there is a real violent sport, when it is not on strike and you need to be a Mr. Incredible to play it.”
Oh My Darlin'......
From the Cartoon Network Website 11/15/2012:
New Annoying Character
Cartoon Network is pleased to announce a new character is being rolled onto the Annoying Orange family, The Curious Clementine. The Curious Clementine will be played by long time character actor and civics teacher, Mr. Clemens. Clementine will debut as a substitute teacher that orange and the others accidentally whisk off into one of their many adventures. Clementine will be the straight man to Annoying Orange and the others but will eventually learn to lighten up and have fun. Clemens was happy to be able to join the show as a regular; “After all, how many ex-presidential candidates get their own kids show?”
New Annoying Character
Cartoon Network is pleased to announce a new character is being rolled onto the Annoying Orange family, The Curious Clementine. The Curious Clementine will be played by long time character actor and civics teacher, Mr. Clemens. Clementine will debut as a substitute teacher that orange and the others accidentally whisk off into one of their many adventures. Clementine will be the straight man to Annoying Orange and the others but will eventually learn to lighten up and have fun. Clemens was happy to be able to join the show as a regular; “After all, how many ex-presidential candidates get their own kids show?”
Ride 'Em Clemens!
From TV Guide 11/13/2012:
Bust A Move!
Mr. Clemens did not slow down for very long after dropping out of the Presidential Race. Clemens is scheduled to appear on the TV show, So You Think You Can Dance. Clemens plans on dancing Gangnam Style. “I fell into this dance by accident,” explains Clemens, “I thought they said Gungan Style and I like Gungans. I thought it would be neat to learn to dance like Jar Jar Binks!” Clemens was disappointed when he found out there were no dancing Star Wars characters but soon embraced the dance. “It is a lot like riding a horse. I like horses.” Clemens has been practicing at a local stable; “So I can see horses prance in their natural habitat. Just like the guy who invented Gangnam Style!” Can Clemens pull it off for a win? Tune in and find out!
Bust A Move!
Mr. Clemens did not slow down for very long after dropping out of the Presidential Race. Clemens is scheduled to appear on the TV show, So You Think You Can Dance. Clemens plans on dancing Gangnam Style. “I fell into this dance by accident,” explains Clemens, “I thought they said Gungan Style and I like Gungans. I thought it would be neat to learn to dance like Jar Jar Binks!” Clemens was disappointed when he found out there were no dancing Star Wars characters but soon embraced the dance. “It is a lot like riding a horse. I like horses.” Clemens has been practicing at a local stable; “So I can see horses prance in their natural habitat. Just like the guy who invented Gangnam Style!” Can Clemens pull it off for a win? Tune in and find out!
Ladies and Gentlemen...The Civics!
From the Hartford Courant 11/5/2012:
Civics Rocks!
After being forced to withdraw from the Presidential Race, Mr. Clemens has decided upon another path to the White House. “I returned to my musical roots and formed a glam rock band!” He explained. Clemens new band is simply called The Civics. “I am offering to have the Civics play free of charge at the inaugural ball for which ever candidate is elected.” He elaborates, “As long as they agree to make Civics a core content area. That was the platform I was running on and now that is the platform I will be rocking to!” Clemens is hoping that this band will do better than his last few, “I think the key is in the name, one word bands tend to be remembered longer, look at The Beatles, The Doors, The Byrds and The Animals, they have all been remembered and hailed long after they broke up.” It is uncertain whether The Civics will ever be in the company of the bands Clemens mentioned but it is certain that the music industry has not seen the last of Clemens if The Civics do not deliver.
Civics Rocks!
After being forced to withdraw from the Presidential Race, Mr. Clemens has decided upon another path to the White House. “I returned to my musical roots and formed a glam rock band!” He explained. Clemens new band is simply called The Civics. “I am offering to have the Civics play free of charge at the inaugural ball for which ever candidate is elected.” He elaborates, “As long as they agree to make Civics a core content area. That was the platform I was running on and now that is the platform I will be rocking to!” Clemens is hoping that this band will do better than his last few, “I think the key is in the name, one word bands tend to be remembered longer, look at The Beatles, The Doors, The Byrds and The Animals, they have all been remembered and hailed long after they broke up.” It is uncertain whether The Civics will ever be in the company of the bands Clemens mentioned but it is certain that the music industry has not seen the last of Clemens if The Civics do not deliver.
The Sequel is Strong With This One!
From Geek Magazine 11/2/2012:
7,8,9! Need we Say More?!
After announcing his landmark deal to sell his company to Disney, George Lucas announced that Disney will be making a new Star Wars Trilogy starting in 2015. Really excited about it is former presidential candidate Mr. Clemens. He has already petitioned Disney for a role and sent in a treatment of what the new trilogy should be about. “It centers around a young civics teacher who turns to the darkside to save the woman he loves, let’s call him Darth Klemen for now. Darth Klemen does some bad things but is redeemed in the end by the love of his daughter. I could play Klemen. Since it is Disney, we could animate it like a cartoon!” There is no word yet if Clemens would get a role in the new trilogy but the fact that is story is basically a retelling of Episodes 1-6, The Darth Klemen character would seem unlikely.
7,8,9! Need we Say More?!
After announcing his landmark deal to sell his company to Disney, George Lucas announced that Disney will be making a new Star Wars Trilogy starting in 2015. Really excited about it is former presidential candidate Mr. Clemens. He has already petitioned Disney for a role and sent in a treatment of what the new trilogy should be about. “It centers around a young civics teacher who turns to the darkside to save the woman he loves, let’s call him Darth Klemen for now. Darth Klemen does some bad things but is redeemed in the end by the love of his daughter. I could play Klemen. Since it is Disney, we could animate it like a cartoon!” There is no word yet if Clemens would get a role in the new trilogy but the fact that is story is basically a retelling of Episodes 1-6, The Darth Klemen character would seem unlikely.
Clemens in Royal Scandal!
From the Hartford Courant 11/2/2012:
Clemens Serves Foreign Power!
With only a few days to go until the election, Civics Party Candidate Mr. Clemens has been forced to withdraw from the race. Just as there were questions in some people’s minds about Obama’s citizenship, a citizenship issue has come back to haunt Mr. Clemens. Clemens is actually a titled royal in a foreign principality, he is in fact Lord Clemens of Sealand! (For more information about Sealand click here). “It’s true, “confirms Clemens, “I am a Lord of Sealand but I never saw that as being in conflict with the duties of President of the United States.” Clemens was given a chance to renounce this title but refused, “It was a birthday present,” he explained, “and it would be rude to return a present. Plus it was so long ago and I don’t have the receipt.” Clemens is proud to be a Lord of Sealand but, “Now they are offering knighthoods and I still believe my superpac has some money left, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.”
Clemens Serves Foreign Power!
With only a few days to go until the election, Civics Party Candidate Mr. Clemens has been forced to withdraw from the race. Just as there were questions in some people’s minds about Obama’s citizenship, a citizenship issue has come back to haunt Mr. Clemens. Clemens is actually a titled royal in a foreign principality, he is in fact Lord Clemens of Sealand! (For more information about Sealand click here). “It’s true, “confirms Clemens, “I am a Lord of Sealand but I never saw that as being in conflict with the duties of President of the United States.” Clemens was given a chance to renounce this title but refused, “It was a birthday present,” he explained, “and it would be rude to return a present. Plus it was so long ago and I don’t have the receipt.” Clemens is proud to be a Lord of Sealand but, “Now they are offering knighthoods and I still believe my superpac has some money left, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.”
Tanked!
(Click to Enlarge)
From the Hartford Courant 10/25/2012:
Treading Carefully
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens launched a new ad today portraying him as “Commander-in-Chiefish”. The Clemens Campaign searched through past political ads on National Security and found one that got a lot of national buzz and that is remembered today. “I remember seeing the ad of Michael Dukakis riding on a tank and that had a profound impact on me,” explains Mr. Clemens, “I called Governor Dukakis and to my surprise not only did he still have the tank but he offered to drive it for me!” Clemens hopes that the ad will sway veteran voters his way as he has a long way to go to get the military vote. “So far I think the only military vote I got is from my running mate but I am not sure as she refuses to talk about who she is voting for.”
Treading Carefully
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens launched a new ad today portraying him as “Commander-in-Chiefish”. The Clemens Campaign searched through past political ads on National Security and found one that got a lot of national buzz and that is remembered today. “I remember seeing the ad of Michael Dukakis riding on a tank and that had a profound impact on me,” explains Mr. Clemens, “I called Governor Dukakis and to my surprise not only did he still have the tank but he offered to drive it for me!” Clemens hopes that the ad will sway veteran voters his way as he has a long way to go to get the military vote. “So far I think the only military vote I got is from my running mate but I am not sure as she refuses to talk about who she is voting for.”
Clemens' Self Tanning Machine
From the Hartford Courant 10/24/2012:
Clemens’ Bust Business
An attack ad against Presidential Candidate Clemens reminds voters of past failures of the Candidate. One such failure was when Mr. Clemens tried to market a line of at home self tanning machines. Clemens tried to market his machine during the self tanning craze of the nineties, the only problem, however, was that his machines caused serious injuries. “I thought it was a good concept,” explains Clemens, “The machine was designed so you could put one appendage in at a time and leave it there until it got to the desired level of darkness.” When it was pointed out that his machine was just a microwave with a hole in it he answered,” So a tanning machine is just a big microwave you put your body into, I thought the idea was sound.” Clemens apologized for the injuries sustained at the time and refunded money to all the people who requested one. “I did not realize the settings were different. I am a civics teacher, not a science teacher.”
Clemens’ Bust Business
An attack ad against Presidential Candidate Clemens reminds voters of past failures of the Candidate. One such failure was when Mr. Clemens tried to market a line of at home self tanning machines. Clemens tried to market his machine during the self tanning craze of the nineties, the only problem, however, was that his machines caused serious injuries. “I thought it was a good concept,” explains Clemens, “The machine was designed so you could put one appendage in at a time and leave it there until it got to the desired level of darkness.” When it was pointed out that his machine was just a microwave with a hole in it he answered,” So a tanning machine is just a big microwave you put your body into, I thought the idea was sound.” Clemens apologized for the injuries sustained at the time and refunded money to all the people who requested one. “I did not realize the settings were different. I am a civics teacher, not a science teacher.”
It's a No Binder AdministrationFrom the Hartford Courant 10/22/2012:
Surrounded by Women Last night the muck started flying in Mr. Clemens’ direction. An ad on local TV accused Mr. Clemens of being soft on women’s issues. They stated that in the eighties he played He-man in a short lived, live action version of Masters of the Universe. Clemens was the producer of that show and the ad accused him of having no women on it when She-Ra was quite clearly He-Man’s equal and deserved a spot. Clemens defense was that the show only aired six episodes and that She-Ra was going to be in an upcoming episode. The ad went on to accuse Clemens of stealing jobs from women such as playing the role of Edna Turnblad in the Broadway Musical Hairspray. Again, in his early morning press conference Clemens defended this as saying the role has always been played by men, even in the original non-musical film by John Waters. Clemens went on to states he is all for equal rights and equal pay; “I have a wife, two daughters and a female running mate. I surround myself with women. I would be lynched if I wasn’t for these issues.” Clemens then fielded a question about if there will be women in his administration. “Of course there will be,” he answered, “My VP is a woman and there are many qualified women out there.” When asked if he had a binder full of women to choose from Clemens responded in the negative; “ I do not have a binder full of women, in fact the only people I know that have binders full of women are Mitt Romney and serial killers. I’m not stating there’s a link,” he quickly added, “But in every movie or cop show when they catch the serial killer they find a binder full of women.” |
By the Master for the Student
From Booklist Magazine 10/19/2012:
Lessons for the Rest of Us
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens has a new book coming out, Civics For Dummies. “I wrote this book for my students,” explains Clemens, “Not that I am calling them dummies but because I know that when I become President I won’t be around to teach them very often. I can’t hold class during a national security crisis.” Clemens book will include the basics but has a chapter on how to start a Superpac. The example he gives is a step by step process of how to set us a Superpac for the Civics Party complete with instructions on how to coordinate with the campaign without actually coordinating with the campaign.” I don’t make the laws, yet,” states Clemens, “I just teach them.”
Lessons for the Rest of Us
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens has a new book coming out, Civics For Dummies. “I wrote this book for my students,” explains Clemens, “Not that I am calling them dummies but because I know that when I become President I won’t be around to teach them very often. I can’t hold class during a national security crisis.” Clemens book will include the basics but has a chapter on how to start a Superpac. The example he gives is a step by step process of how to set us a Superpac for the Civics Party complete with instructions on how to coordinate with the campaign without actually coordinating with the campaign.” I don’t make the laws, yet,” states Clemens, “I just teach them.”
Nobody Puts Clemens in a Corner!
From the Hartford Courant 10/18/2012
Unfulfilled Dreams
In an interview with the candidates last night, the question was asked; “Of all the things in your life, what do you regret the most?” The local Candidate from Connecticut, Mr. Clemens answered very honestly. “I regret I was never able to open up the Clemens School of Civics and Dance;” he answered, “I always thought that dance would be a good way to teach civics and get the students involved. I figured the battles would be easy but it is hard to come up with an interpretive dance to describe the 14th amendment.” Clemens went on to elaborate that after he wins and leaves office the prestige of having been President may allow him to fulfill that dream. “After all, I don’t think any past President has left office and opened a dance studio.”
Unfulfilled Dreams
In an interview with the candidates last night, the question was asked; “Of all the things in your life, what do you regret the most?” The local Candidate from Connecticut, Mr. Clemens answered very honestly. “I regret I was never able to open up the Clemens School of Civics and Dance;” he answered, “I always thought that dance would be a good way to teach civics and get the students involved. I figured the battles would be easy but it is hard to come up with an interpretive dance to describe the 14th amendment.” Clemens went on to elaborate that after he wins and leaves office the prestige of having been President may allow him to fulfill that dream. “After all, I don’t think any past President has left office and opened a dance studio.”
Campaign Tricks?
(Click to enlarge)
From the Hartford Courant 10/17/2012:
Campaign Trick is No Treat
Just days after finding itself in trouble for undocumented workers, the Clemens/Horan Campaign finds itself in hot water again over a new flyer being sent out for the Halloween season. Critics are accusing Mr. Clemens of encouraging voter fraud by asking people to vote more than once. Clemens dismissed those allegations at once. “I meant it as a sincere trick or treat,” he explained; ”The vote early part is a trick since Connecticut has yet to passing early voting. The treat part is voting. Every citizen should find it a treat to vote. I did not mean vote often for me, I meant exercise your right to vote as often as you can. I guess this does prove I am a real politician now, I can claim I misspoke and that my message was not as clear as I intended it to be.”
Campaign Trick is No Treat
Just days after finding itself in trouble for undocumented workers, the Clemens/Horan Campaign finds itself in hot water again over a new flyer being sent out for the Halloween season. Critics are accusing Mr. Clemens of encouraging voter fraud by asking people to vote more than once. Clemens dismissed those allegations at once. “I meant it as a sincere trick or treat,” he explained; ”The vote early part is a trick since Connecticut has yet to passing early voting. The treat part is voting. Every citizen should find it a treat to vote. I did not mean vote often for me, I meant exercise your right to vote as often as you can. I guess this does prove I am a real politician now, I can claim I misspoke and that my message was not as clear as I intended it to be.”
99 Problems but a Snitch Aint One!
From the Hartford Courant 10/17/2012:
No Muggles Allowed
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens has decided how he is going to celebrate his win; “I’m going to the Quidditch World Cup!” He explains gleefully, “Hopefully I will be going as President Elect and not Former Candidate but I am going!” Quidditch is, of course, the sport made famous by J.K. Rowling in the Harry Potter books. Obviously none of the athletes who play the sport can fly, it has become more of a cross between dodge ball, basketball and rugby. The sport has taken on a life of its own and has more than 200 teams in various countries around the world. This will be the fifth World Cup held in America. Details on the World Cup and the schedule can be found here.
No Muggles Allowed
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens has decided how he is going to celebrate his win; “I’m going to the Quidditch World Cup!” He explains gleefully, “Hopefully I will be going as President Elect and not Former Candidate but I am going!” Quidditch is, of course, the sport made famous by J.K. Rowling in the Harry Potter books. Obviously none of the athletes who play the sport can fly, it has become more of a cross between dodge ball, basketball and rugby. The sport has taken on a life of its own and has more than 200 teams in various countries around the world. This will be the fifth World Cup held in America. Details on the World Cup and the schedule can be found here.
Trouble Pops UpFrom the Hartford Courant 10/16/2012:
More Campaign Troubles On the eve of the second Presidential Debate, Mr. Clemens’ campaign seems to be in trouble again. Clemens rented out a big auditorium for tonight’s debate. He figured after being endorsed by Jimmy Buffet, Big Bird and Alfred E. Newman he was bound to have a bigger turnout than his last debate. Clemens also promised free popcorn to all attendees. The problem is that, as the Courant revealed, the popcorn is being popped and bagged by undocumented workers. “I don’t see what the problem is,” Clemens stated defiantly, “I used the same employment agency that Ralph Lauren used when making the Olympic Uniforms. If it good enough for America’s Team then it is good enough for me now.” Clemens also stated that it was good economic policy to let the person who picked the corn pop it, cutting out the middleman and keeping expenses low; “After all, all corporations do this, why can’t private citizens?” |
National Coverage at Last
From MAD Magazine 10/12/2012:
MAD about Clemens
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens finally has a national publication that will cover his candidacy. The staff of MAD magazine were delighted to learn that a civics teacher was running for president on a platform of needing more civics. Clemens was glad that a national magazine was covering his campaign. “It is an honor that my campaign is beginning to be taken seriously,” Clemens stated in a press release, “I am not a mad person but I get that some people are angrier about politics than others. In fact they are so angry their magazine is called MAD!” Clemens posed for his portrait and was thrilled to learn he will be the cover story. “I’ve heard good things about their spokesperson Alfred as well;” adds Clemens. “They also told me that Obama, Romney, Bush, Clinton, other Bush and a whole host of presidents and nominees have graced their magazine cover so I am in good company.”
MAD about Clemens
Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens finally has a national publication that will cover his candidacy. The staff of MAD magazine were delighted to learn that a civics teacher was running for president on a platform of needing more civics. Clemens was glad that a national magazine was covering his campaign. “It is an honor that my campaign is beginning to be taken seriously,” Clemens stated in a press release, “I am not a mad person but I get that some people are angrier about politics than others. In fact they are so angry their magazine is called MAD!” Clemens posed for his portrait and was thrilled to learn he will be the cover story. “I’ve heard good things about their spokesperson Alfred as well;” adds Clemens. “They also told me that Obama, Romney, Bush, Clinton, other Bush and a whole host of presidents and nominees have graced their magazine cover so I am in good company.”
Popular FrontFrom the Hartford Courant 10/12/2012
Campaign Pop Art The face of Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens has been popping up all over the place recently. This is because, like the Hope poster for Obama in 2008, it has gone from a simple campaign ad to pop art. Clemens face has been seen adorning hats, t-shirts, posters and even bedspreads. Here we can see a young man in the act of spray painting Clemens’ face onto an overpass. The other picture shows one of Mr. Clemens’ students surprising his dad by painting Clemens’ face and slogan onto their garage. Clemens maybe trailing by far in the polls but his approval rating seems to be higher than the other candidates. If the Clemens/Horan team can get on every ballot in the next two weeks an upset might just be in the works. |
Rubber Monsters Return!From Variety Magazine 10/11/2012:
Clemens Scores the Big Guy! Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens has secured his first directing job, he will directing the 30th installment of the Godzilla franchise. “I’ve always wanted to direct,” explains Clemens, “And I will need something to do when I am no longer President.” The movie is set for a 2016 release date, just two years after the unnamed Godzilla 29 is set to premiere. “I chose 2016 because I don’t think I’ll need a second term as President. I cannot imagine why I would not get done everything I want to in the first term. I’m not greedy, let someone else have the fun as well.” Clemens, a lifelong Godzilla fan, stated that this was a dream job; “I actually made a Godzilla film in my bedroom when I was 10, Godzilla VS the Homework Monster!” He exclaims. Clemens is being very secretive about the plot but promises the return of several of Godzilla’s adversaries plus two new monsters, “The Administrativsaurus and the Algrbratron!” Godzilla fan should expect a pretty exciting film. |
2nd Celebrity Endorsement!
From the Hartford Courant 10/11/2012:
Clemens gets Big Endorsement
Mitt Romney wants to fire him, Obama uses him to attack but no one has asked the yellow guy who he would support. “I want to say this is my view and does not represent all of Sesame Street,” Big Bird clarifies, “I know the Count wants the math guy to win but I am supporting Clemens all the way!” Big Bird went on to explain that his role on Sesame Street is to impart knowledge and make children’s lives more better, something he sees Clemens doing. It is unclear how this endorsement will affect the race as Big Bird’s key demographics are children under five, “And they can’t vote,” clarifies Clemens, “even though it seems many of the voters act like five year olds.” Clemens plans on courting the endorsements of other Sesame Street alumni such as Kermit and Aloysius Snuffleupagus, he figures the other candidates have Oscar the Grouch and Bert and Ernie. “The only real swing votes left are Cookie Monster and Elmo and no one can predict how they will vote;” Explains Clemens, “One can only hope their desire to impart key knowledge aligns with my own.”
Clemens gets Big Endorsement
Mitt Romney wants to fire him, Obama uses him to attack but no one has asked the yellow guy who he would support. “I want to say this is my view and does not represent all of Sesame Street,” Big Bird clarifies, “I know the Count wants the math guy to win but I am supporting Clemens all the way!” Big Bird went on to explain that his role on Sesame Street is to impart knowledge and make children’s lives more better, something he sees Clemens doing. It is unclear how this endorsement will affect the race as Big Bird’s key demographics are children under five, “And they can’t vote,” clarifies Clemens, “even though it seems many of the voters act like five year olds.” Clemens plans on courting the endorsements of other Sesame Street alumni such as Kermit and Aloysius Snuffleupagus, he figures the other candidates have Oscar the Grouch and Bert and Ernie. “The only real swing votes left are Cookie Monster and Elmo and no one can predict how they will vote;” Explains Clemens, “One can only hope their desire to impart key knowledge aligns with my own.”
Happy Leif Ericsson Day!
From Toy Fair Magazine 10/9/2012:
New Clemens Merch in Time for Holiday!!
Just in time for Leif Ericsson Day, Mr. Clemens has authorized a bobblehead figure of himself dressed as the famous Viking. “I must be related to him,” states Clemens, “Anyone who would sail the world and mistake Cape Cod for Newfoundland must be a Clemens!” Leif Ericsson Day was first made a National Holiday in 1964 by LBJ to honor Iceland and the contributions they made to the world. “I know that the Italian Upstart gets all the credit but it was actually the Viking that discovered America first;” Clemens elaborates. The bobblehead comes with a replica of the Viking helmet that Clemens wore on that fateful trip that almost cost him his life and caused him, to his regret, to miss teaching middle school.
New Clemens Merch in Time for Holiday!!
Just in time for Leif Ericsson Day, Mr. Clemens has authorized a bobblehead figure of himself dressed as the famous Viking. “I must be related to him,” states Clemens, “Anyone who would sail the world and mistake Cape Cod for Newfoundland must be a Clemens!” Leif Ericsson Day was first made a National Holiday in 1964 by LBJ to honor Iceland and the contributions they made to the world. “I know that the Italian Upstart gets all the credit but it was actually the Viking that discovered America first;” Clemens elaborates. The bobblehead comes with a replica of the Viking helmet that Clemens wore on that fateful trip that almost cost him his life and caused him, to his regret, to miss teaching middle school.
Clemens a Sweet Bigamist
From the Hartford Courant 10/9/2012:
A Sweet Husband
The Clemens campaign took a blow today when the opponent from the math party accused Mr. Clemens of being a bigamist. “I know for a fact that Mr. Clemens is a husband to someone called Bea.” The Candidate for the math party stated. Clemens took to the air to clear the matter up; “Yes I am a husband to bee,” he explained, “bee husbandry is another name for bee keeping which I do as a hobby. Honey is very expensive these days.” Clemens campaign has been fraught with allegations of misdoings and not following the law, so far all of which have turned out to be distortions by the math party, “You would think that a party that claims everyone should know the facts would check theirs’ more often;” lamented Clemens. With a little over a month to go the Clemens/Horan Campaign has a lot of ground to cover if they want to get elected.
A Sweet Husband
The Clemens campaign took a blow today when the opponent from the math party accused Mr. Clemens of being a bigamist. “I know for a fact that Mr. Clemens is a husband to someone called Bea.” The Candidate for the math party stated. Clemens took to the air to clear the matter up; “Yes I am a husband to bee,” he explained, “bee husbandry is another name for bee keeping which I do as a hobby. Honey is very expensive these days.” Clemens campaign has been fraught with allegations of misdoings and not following the law, so far all of which have turned out to be distortions by the math party, “You would think that a party that claims everyone should know the facts would check theirs’ more often;” lamented Clemens. With a little over a month to go the Clemens/Horan Campaign has a lot of ground to cover if they want to get elected.
Clemens Promises "Geek Free" Administration
From the Hartford Courant 10/6/2012
Clemens Uses the Force to Boost Reading
Today is National Star Wars Reads Day. Presidential candidate Mr. Clemens plans to spend the day like he has for the last several years, reading science fiction stories to children. As Clemens was getting suited up for the event he told reporters that even though he is a fan of “geeky things” his administration will not be. “There will be no ‘Evil Empire’ or ‘Star Wars’ missile shield in my administration,” he explains, “I think the American People can be told what things are without reducing them to pop imageries.” This may just be an attempt to convince voters that he is a normal person as he has already stated in an interview that if elected he would name Air Force One the Falcon.
Clemens Uses the Force to Boost Reading
Today is National Star Wars Reads Day. Presidential candidate Mr. Clemens plans to spend the day like he has for the last several years, reading science fiction stories to children. As Clemens was getting suited up for the event he told reporters that even though he is a fan of “geeky things” his administration will not be. “There will be no ‘Evil Empire’ or ‘Star Wars’ missile shield in my administration,” he explains, “I think the American People can be told what things are without reducing them to pop imageries.” This may just be an attempt to convince voters that he is a normal person as he has already stated in an interview that if elected he would name Air Force One the Falcon.
It's 10:00, Do You Know Where Your Candidate is?
From the Hartford Courant 10/5/2012:
Late Nite for Clemens
Mr. Clemens was on Letterman last night promoting his campaign. After a semi-serious discussion on where Clemens stood on the issues, Dave issued on of his Top Ten Lists. This time it was the top ten slogan rejected by the Clemens campaign:
10. Vote Clemens and together we will rule the country as father and son.
9. Vote Clemens because we’re gonna need a bigger boat
8. Vote Clemens he’s more better than the other guys
7. If you feel like voting for none of the above, vote Clemens
6. Vote Clemens he promises he’ll try to keep his promises
5. Vote Clemens he’d vote for you if you were running
4. Victoria’s real secret, she votes for Clemens
3. When underwater, vote for a water specialist, vote Clemens.
2. Voting for Clemens is a vote against your mother-in-law.
1. Vote Clemens he’s good at looking busy
Late Nite for Clemens
Mr. Clemens was on Letterman last night promoting his campaign. After a semi-serious discussion on where Clemens stood on the issues, Dave issued on of his Top Ten Lists. This time it was the top ten slogan rejected by the Clemens campaign:
10. Vote Clemens and together we will rule the country as father and son.
9. Vote Clemens because we’re gonna need a bigger boat
8. Vote Clemens he’s more better than the other guys
7. If you feel like voting for none of the above, vote Clemens
6. Vote Clemens he promises he’ll try to keep his promises
5. Vote Clemens he’d vote for you if you were running
4. Victoria’s real secret, she votes for Clemens
3. When underwater, vote for a water specialist, vote Clemens.
2. Voting for Clemens is a vote against your mother-in-law.
1. Vote Clemens he’s good at looking busy
Secret Past Shocker!
(click to enlarge)
From the National Enquirer 10/4/2012:
Presidential Candidate Descended from Aliens!
Mr. Clemens, the Civics Party nominee for President, is actually descended from a race of ancient astronauts. This ancient painting, found on the wall of a recently discovered Mayan Temple is proof that the Clemens line has descended from the same race of aliens, known as the Clemenians, that help the Mayans reach the height of their civilization. Many have speculated that it was these same aliens that were responsible for the destruction of the Mayan Empire as well. If that is true what sinister agenda could a Clemens’ Administration hold? When Mr. Clemens found the Travaglinis in the wormhole did he really find them or was it all part of an alien agenda to take control of the United States and then the world? Is Mr. Clemens using his alien powers to influence his civics class to force them to recruit new voters so they might vote for him? The Enquirer promises to keep looking for the answers to these questions.
Presidential Candidate Descended from Aliens!
Mr. Clemens, the Civics Party nominee for President, is actually descended from a race of ancient astronauts. This ancient painting, found on the wall of a recently discovered Mayan Temple is proof that the Clemens line has descended from the same race of aliens, known as the Clemenians, that help the Mayans reach the height of their civilization. Many have speculated that it was these same aliens that were responsible for the destruction of the Mayan Empire as well. If that is true what sinister agenda could a Clemens’ Administration hold? When Mr. Clemens found the Travaglinis in the wormhole did he really find them or was it all part of an alien agenda to take control of the United States and then the world? Is Mr. Clemens using his alien powers to influence his civics class to force them to recruit new voters so they might vote for him? The Enquirer promises to keep looking for the answers to these questions.
Too Far?
From the Hartford Courant Website 10/3/2012:
Clemens Releases New Campaign Flyer!
Self confessed parrot head Mr. Clemens may have taken his endorsement by Jimmy Buffett a little to seriously. The campaign has just issued a new flyer with a new campaign slogan which can be viewed here.
Clemens Releases New Campaign Flyer!
Self confessed parrot head Mr. Clemens may have taken his endorsement by Jimmy Buffett a little to seriously. The campaign has just issued a new flyer with a new campaign slogan which can be viewed here.
Couch Debater
From the Hartford Courant 10/3/2012:
Debate in Comfort
After the endorsement by Jimmy Buffet, Mr. Clemens secured enough signatures to get on the ballot in Connecticut; “it’s amazing what a few margaritas will do;” he explained. Clemens is now ready for his first national debate. Since it was already too late to secure a spot on the podium, Clemens came up with a unique solution. “I’m inviting all my supporters over to my house to watch the debate!” He states gleefully; “I am going to let Governor Romney and the President respond first then I will pause the broadcast and give my response.” Clemens only regret is that the candidates will not be able to rebut his positions; “but that is Okay because I know mine are the right ones.”
Debate in Comfort
After the endorsement by Jimmy Buffet, Mr. Clemens secured enough signatures to get on the ballot in Connecticut; “it’s amazing what a few margaritas will do;” he explained. Clemens is now ready for his first national debate. Since it was already too late to secure a spot on the podium, Clemens came up with a unique solution. “I’m inviting all my supporters over to my house to watch the debate!” He states gleefully; “I am going to let Governor Romney and the President respond first then I will pause the broadcast and give my response.” Clemens only regret is that the candidates will not be able to rebut his positions; “but that is Okay because I know mine are the right ones.”
Celebrity Endorsement!
From Variety 9/21/2012:
Parroting the Party
Mr. Clemens and the Civics Party picked up their first celebrity endorsement today. Legendary singer Jimmy Buffett fully endorses Clemens/Horan and their platform. Buffet put on a rally for the candidates and Clemens joined him on stage for such songs as I don’t Know, Cheeseburger in Paradise, Fins and, owning to his recent surprise birthday party, A Pirate Looks at Forty. Buffet went on to speak about the need for more civics and offered a compromise of less math. He then performed his song, Math Sucks. Clemens agreed that math does indeed suck and that civics is more important because you can’t do civics on a calculator.
Parroting the Party
Mr. Clemens and the Civics Party picked up their first celebrity endorsement today. Legendary singer Jimmy Buffett fully endorses Clemens/Horan and their platform. Buffet put on a rally for the candidates and Clemens joined him on stage for such songs as I don’t Know, Cheeseburger in Paradise, Fins and, owning to his recent surprise birthday party, A Pirate Looks at Forty. Buffet went on to speak about the need for more civics and offered a compromise of less math. He then performed his song, Math Sucks. Clemens agreed that math does indeed suck and that civics is more important because you can’t do civics on a calculator.
He Belongs to the Tea Party!
From the Hartford Courant 9/21/2012:
Previous Party Affiliation Confirmed
Civics Party candidate Mr. Clemens has been cagey about his previous party affiliations. “I have strong opinions,” He explains, “but I keep them to myself so I do not influence my students.” That is not good enough for many voters today who insist on knowing every aspect of a candidate’s life. Having examined every nook and cranny of his life the Courant has come to the conclusion that Mr. Clemens used to belong to the tea Party. He has a Don’t Tread on Me flag in his classroom, teaches about the Boston Tea Party in class, and this exclusive photo shows him enjoying a Tea Party event. When asked about Tea Party affiliations Clemens replied “As long as there are biscuits or crumpets I like a good tea party.”
Previous Party Affiliation Confirmed
Civics Party candidate Mr. Clemens has been cagey about his previous party affiliations. “I have strong opinions,” He explains, “but I keep them to myself so I do not influence my students.” That is not good enough for many voters today who insist on knowing every aspect of a candidate’s life. Having examined every nook and cranny of his life the Courant has come to the conclusion that Mr. Clemens used to belong to the tea Party. He has a Don’t Tread on Me flag in his classroom, teaches about the Boston Tea Party in class, and this exclusive photo shows him enjoying a Tea Party event. When asked about Tea Party affiliations Clemens replied “As long as there are biscuits or crumpets I like a good tea party.”
Security Spotlight
From the Hartford Courant 9/19/2012:
His Spider-Sense is Tingling
After his less than stellar performance in the debate last night, Mr. Clemens knew he had to get his campaign back on track. Clemens decided to focus on the issue of National Security. Clemens admits that he is not an expert on security but he does have some experience. “I am going to put together a super hero team to protect the country!” Clemens explained eagerly, “I played the Hulk in The Avengers so I know it is not that difficult.” The Clemens/Horan Campaign released this pamphlet to show what a national security crisis might look like under a Clemens Administration and how the issue would be resolved. The full pamphlet can be viewed here.
His Spider-Sense is Tingling
After his less than stellar performance in the debate last night, Mr. Clemens knew he had to get his campaign back on track. Clemens decided to focus on the issue of National Security. Clemens admits that he is not an expert on security but he does have some experience. “I am going to put together a super hero team to protect the country!” Clemens explained eagerly, “I played the Hulk in The Avengers so I know it is not that difficult.” The Clemens/Horan Campaign released this pamphlet to show what a national security crisis might look like under a Clemens Administration and how the issue would be resolved. The full pamphlet can be viewed here.
Debate Turns Ugly Quickly
From the Hartford Courant 9/19/2012:
The Great Debate
Mr. Clemens first debate quickly turned nasty and personal last night. Clemens was debating Mr. Benjamin Dover, another write in candidate and professional lobbyist. In what is supreme irony, Mr. Dover accused Mr. Clemens of being in the pocket of special interests since he is a spokesperson for so many companies and corporations. Clemens countered calling Mr. Dover a career politician who has spent his life in politics. When Dover asked why that was a bad thing, Clemens’ running mate, Ms. Horan stated that the answer to that lies in the root of the word; “poly meaning many and tics meaning blood sucking parasites.” Dover then went on to accuse Clemens of not being a real American. He stated that Clemens was actually a citizen of a foreign principality and demanded to see his birth certificate. Clemens countered that we all started out as members of a foreign principality and that Dover should brush up on his history. The two then got into a heated argument over which was better, American Idol or America’s Got Talent. The debate ended when, in a scene reminiscent of the movie Jaws, the two candidates stared comparing injures and trying to outdo each other. A second debate has yet to be scheduled.
The Great Debate
Mr. Clemens first debate quickly turned nasty and personal last night. Clemens was debating Mr. Benjamin Dover, another write in candidate and professional lobbyist. In what is supreme irony, Mr. Dover accused Mr. Clemens of being in the pocket of special interests since he is a spokesperson for so many companies and corporations. Clemens countered calling Mr. Dover a career politician who has spent his life in politics. When Dover asked why that was a bad thing, Clemens’ running mate, Ms. Horan stated that the answer to that lies in the root of the word; “poly meaning many and tics meaning blood sucking parasites.” Dover then went on to accuse Clemens of not being a real American. He stated that Clemens was actually a citizen of a foreign principality and demanded to see his birth certificate. Clemens countered that we all started out as members of a foreign principality and that Dover should brush up on his history. The two then got into a heated argument over which was better, American Idol or America’s Got Talent. The debate ended when, in a scene reminiscent of the movie Jaws, the two candidates stared comparing injures and trying to outdo each other. A second debate has yet to be scheduled.
Dark Secrets Revealed!...From the Hartford Courant 9/18/2012
Daughter Spills All Mr. Clemens has been sneaking out of the house on Monday nights for several years now. Sneaking is not an accurate term as his daughters know where he goes;” Daddy gets all dressed up and leaves,” stated his eldest daughter, “He tells us he has to go to meetings but we know better.” His youngest daughter is the one who spills the beans;” Daddy changes his clothes and goes and plays on bounce houses for hours,” she claims, “He comes home all dressed up again so we thinks we won’t know what he was doing.” There is no telling what kind of effect this revelation will have on his campaign. His daughters hope it isn’t too much, ”We want Daddy to win so our Mommy can be on ICarly too.” |
Meet the CandidatesFrom Time Magazine (Quick Question Section) 9/14/2012
Time Magazine caught up with independent Presidential hopeful Mr. Clemens and his running mate, Ms. Horan. We asked them why they thought they were qualified to be the next administration. “I’m a very logical thinker,” answered Clemens, “I can solve Rubik’s Cube faster than the previous president. I am not so sure about the current one because of his many Spock like qualities.” Clemens went on to add how he has made many students lives "more better" and wants to do that for the rest of the country. Horan, like any good literacy teacher, quoted Mark Twain; “Diapers and politicians should be changed often and for the same reasons.” |
President Shazam?
From the Hartford Courant 9/14/2012:
Shazam Re-Boot on Hold
Growing up, Mr. Clemens’ favorite superhero was Captain Marvel, also known as Shazam. Clemens had been planning to bring the character back to life in a new TV series. “I still even have my old costume from the 70s series!” Exclaims Clemens. Plans for the revival had to be put on hold since Clemens decided to run for President. “I thought I could do both at the same time, kind of like a reality series,” Clemens adds,” The show could focus around Shazam running for office and saving constitutes at rallies. And then, I f I got elected, just imagine the possibilities of President Shazam! Can you imagine a negotiation between Iran and Shazam? How awesome would that be?” The people at DC entertainment were not quite as enthused about the idea. “Although we respect Mr. Clemens and his creativity,” said a DC Spokesperson, “We do not feel as if that is in the spirit of Shazam.” Clemens was disappointed but plans to continue to pursue the series once his career in politics is over.
Shazam Re-Boot on Hold
Growing up, Mr. Clemens’ favorite superhero was Captain Marvel, also known as Shazam. Clemens had been planning to bring the character back to life in a new TV series. “I still even have my old costume from the 70s series!” Exclaims Clemens. Plans for the revival had to be put on hold since Clemens decided to run for President. “I thought I could do both at the same time, kind of like a reality series,” Clemens adds,” The show could focus around Shazam running for office and saving constitutes at rallies. And then, I f I got elected, just imagine the possibilities of President Shazam! Can you imagine a negotiation between Iran and Shazam? How awesome would that be?” The people at DC entertainment were not quite as enthused about the idea. “Although we respect Mr. Clemens and his creativity,” said a DC Spokesperson, “We do not feel as if that is in the spirit of Shazam.” Clemens was disappointed but plans to continue to pursue the series once his career in politics is over.
Coming Out of His Shell!
From USA Today 9/13/2012:
It’s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Clemens
If Today were a holiday it would be Mr. Clemens Day. September 13th is International Chocolate Day, and Mr. Clemens represents M&Ms. It is also National Uncle Sam Day, and last year Mr. Clemens took over that iconic role. Clemens also recently signed a deal with Planters to portray Mr. Peanut in several live action commercials and today is also National Peanut Day. All in all, Mr. Clemens is going to be a busy man today with many demands on his time. “Today is also National Bald is Beautiful Day,” adds Clemens, “But I am not ready to be a spokesman for that, yet.”
It’s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Clemens
If Today were a holiday it would be Mr. Clemens Day. September 13th is International Chocolate Day, and Mr. Clemens represents M&Ms. It is also National Uncle Sam Day, and last year Mr. Clemens took over that iconic role. Clemens also recently signed a deal with Planters to portray Mr. Peanut in several live action commercials and today is also National Peanut Day. All in all, Mr. Clemens is going to be a busy man today with many demands on his time. “Today is also National Bald is Beautiful Day,” adds Clemens, “But I am not ready to be a spokesman for that, yet.”
Clemens/Horan first Mailings Arrive!
(Click to Enlarge)
The first of the campaign materials for Clemens/Horan 2012 have begun to arrive in mailboxes. Please click to enlarge and read.
Stumped!
From the Hartford Courant 9/10/2012:
Clemens Gives “Stump” Speech
Mr. Clemens gave the first stump speech of his campaign today. Due to a misunderstanding Clemens gave the speech on an actual stump in the woods near his house. “You always hear about candidates giving stump speeches,” Clemens explained,” but they never really define what they are. The only stump speech I knew of was from watching The Lorax with my daughter. I figured if it worked for him, it would work for me. Everybody loves that fat little woodchuck.” Like that woodchuck, Clemens speech dealt with the trees as well. “I think we need to plant more of them,” stated Clemens, “More trees equals more paper; more paper equals more civics texts; more civics texts equals civics for everyone!” Clemens was disappointed that the only people in attendance of his speech were his wife and daughters. “I think I’ll get a bigger crowd once the funding from the school district comes through and I can get a bigger place to speak in than my backyard.” So far Clemens is short almost 7,400 signatures to be added to the ballot in Connecticut.
Clemens Gives “Stump” Speech
Mr. Clemens gave the first stump speech of his campaign today. Due to a misunderstanding Clemens gave the speech on an actual stump in the woods near his house. “You always hear about candidates giving stump speeches,” Clemens explained,” but they never really define what they are. The only stump speech I knew of was from watching The Lorax with my daughter. I figured if it worked for him, it would work for me. Everybody loves that fat little woodchuck.” Like that woodchuck, Clemens speech dealt with the trees as well. “I think we need to plant more of them,” stated Clemens, “More trees equals more paper; more paper equals more civics texts; more civics texts equals civics for everyone!” Clemens was disappointed that the only people in attendance of his speech were his wife and daughters. “I think I’ll get a bigger crowd once the funding from the school district comes through and I can get a bigger place to speak in than my backyard.” So far Clemens is short almost 7,400 signatures to be added to the ballot in Connecticut.
Beam Me Out?
From the Hartford Courant 9/7/2012:
Clemens Suspends Campaign Presidential Candidate Mr. Clemens is suspending his campaign for one night he announced today. “I want to make it clear to all my students that just because I am suspending the campaign for tonight does not mean that Vice-Presidential Candidate Horan is, she will continue to campaign for me.” The reason Clemens gave; “I’m celebrating the 46th anniversary of Star Trek tonight and I do not wish to be disturbed.” It was this night, 46 years ago, that Captain Kirk and the crew of the USS Enterprise first graced the television screen. As many people know Clemens was one of the original actors to try out for the role of Captain Kirk. “I didn’t get the role but I still dress like him at conventions and gatherings.” Clemens plans to resume campaigning as soon as the original series marathon is over, after all;”Politics is one thing, Start Trek is another.” |
Write-in, right on!
From the Hartford Courant 9/7/2012:
Hail to the Clemens
Mr. Clemens announced his candidacy for President of the United States last night. “I know it is late in the game but since my students are studying the election, I thought they might like a firsthand look at the process.” Clemens explained to reporters. Clemens will be running on the newly formed, Civics Party. Their main platform is that Civics and Social Studies are core subjects and should be a part of standardized testing. Clemens needs 7,500 signatures to get on the ballot in Connecticut, so far he has 7, and that includes the middle school staff where he works. “If only I worked in a high school,” Clemens lamented, “I could get some of the students to sign it as well.” Clemens filled out his write in nomination application (which can be seen here along with his 1st campaign poster) and put Ms. Horan as his Vice-Presidential Candidate. “I know I probably should have asked her first but as my mentee she should be flattered.” Clemens estimates it will take $2.5 million to get on the ballots of all fifty states. “I put in a funding request to Mr. Travaglini, now I just have to wait for him to come through. If that does not work, I am having Mr. Tashjian start a Super PAC for me.” Clemens needs to hurry because the write-in deadline varies from state to state.
Hail to the Clemens
Mr. Clemens announced his candidacy for President of the United States last night. “I know it is late in the game but since my students are studying the election, I thought they might like a firsthand look at the process.” Clemens explained to reporters. Clemens will be running on the newly formed, Civics Party. Their main platform is that Civics and Social Studies are core subjects and should be a part of standardized testing. Clemens needs 7,500 signatures to get on the ballot in Connecticut, so far he has 7, and that includes the middle school staff where he works. “If only I worked in a high school,” Clemens lamented, “I could get some of the students to sign it as well.” Clemens filled out his write in nomination application (which can be seen here along with his 1st campaign poster) and put Ms. Horan as his Vice-Presidential Candidate. “I know I probably should have asked her first but as my mentee she should be flattered.” Clemens estimates it will take $2.5 million to get on the ballots of all fifty states. “I put in a funding request to Mr. Travaglini, now I just have to wait for him to come through. If that does not work, I am having Mr. Tashjian start a Super PAC for me.” Clemens needs to hurry because the write-in deadline varies from state to state.
He's Got Bieber Fever!
From Teen Heart throb Magazine 9/5/2012:
Never Say Never
It can finally be revealed that Mr. Clemens is a huge Justin Bieber fan! In fact Clemens loves the singer so much that he wrote the song Overboard for him. Clemens first became aware of the young artist through his daughters. “I thought it was just going to be another manufactured boy singer, like so many of them are,” explains Clemens,” I did not expect to encounter the real depth and musical genius in his works that I discovered. I NEVER would have expected that.” Clemens has gone on to buy Bieber’s cologne and clothes line. He even got his hair cut to look like the young star. “I have my agent reaching out to his,” adds Clemens,” Besides recording one of my songs I’m hoping we can do a duet together. At the very least he can help me teach young people about the importance of civics.”
Never Say Never
It can finally be revealed that Mr. Clemens is a huge Justin Bieber fan! In fact Clemens loves the singer so much that he wrote the song Overboard for him. Clemens first became aware of the young artist through his daughters. “I thought it was just going to be another manufactured boy singer, like so many of them are,” explains Clemens,” I did not expect to encounter the real depth and musical genius in his works that I discovered. I NEVER would have expected that.” Clemens has gone on to buy Bieber’s cologne and clothes line. He even got his hair cut to look like the young star. “I have my agent reaching out to his,” adds Clemens,” Besides recording one of my songs I’m hoping we can do a duet together. At the very least he can help me teach young people about the importance of civics.”
The Walking Clemens
From TV Guide 9/4/2012:
Clemens’ Role is Dead On
Mr. Clemens returns to television for a guest spot on one of TVs’ hottest shows, The Walking Dead. Clemens will portray himself as a civics teacher who has survived the zombie apocalypse and tries to find a place in this stark new world. Clemens decides that the zombie way of life is anarchy and if they are the newest majority population, they will need some basic instruction on how to create a social structure that reflects and benefits their life styles. Clemens can be seen here with the first three zombies who appeared after he opened up his classroom. Will these zombies learn about civics before lunch or will they have the civics teacher for lunch? Be sure to watch AMC this fall to find out.
Clemens’ Role is Dead On
Mr. Clemens returns to television for a guest spot on one of TVs’ hottest shows, The Walking Dead. Clemens will portray himself as a civics teacher who has survived the zombie apocalypse and tries to find a place in this stark new world. Clemens decides that the zombie way of life is anarchy and if they are the newest majority population, they will need some basic instruction on how to create a social structure that reflects and benefits their life styles. Clemens can be seen here with the first three zombies who appeared after he opened up his classroom. Will these zombies learn about civics before lunch or will they have the civics teacher for lunch? Be sure to watch AMC this fall to find out.
Is He Red..or Green..or Blue?From Civics Weekly 8/31/2012:
Color Him Surprised The annual Civics Bowl is coming up soon and it looked like Mr. Clemens was not going to be able to take his team due to a lack of funding. Clemens decided that the team needed to have a fundraiser. He was going to have his students charge people a convenience fee when they registered them to vote until he realized that doing so would be illegal. Next came the bake sale but since he is a teacher, not a cook (despite the fact that he does have a cooking show), he needed something different. Having worked with Lucasfilms and Marvel Entertainment in the past, Clemens secured the rights to use some of their characters and made coloring books that he could sell. They needed to have a civics theme so he decided that he should be one of the main stars in the books. In the first book, Clemens portrays the American Eagle, a civics superhero with the super power of water control, who helps Spiderman take down Electro. In the second book, he is a Jedi Padawan who uses his need for speed to outrace a dark force user. Several books are planned for sale but interested parties can download the first two books here. |
Shelling Out?From Men’s Health Magazine 8/30/2012:
Love and Chocolate After hearing the results of a Swiss study that stated chocolate can lower the risk of heart disease and stroke in men, Mr. Clemens immediately called the M&Ms corporation to take the mascoting position that he recently turned down. “I did not want to promote junk food,” he explained, “but I am all for promoting healthy food.” Clemens even reached a deal with the company to create a new brand of candy, the ClemandM. The ClemandM, or Clem&M, is very similar to the M&M. It has the familiar hard candy shell with the softer chocolate on the inside, the only difference is that the ClemandM has an important date or historical fact printed on one side and Mr. Clemens’ face on the other. “It is almost a dream come true,” elaborates Clemens, “I get to promote good health and good education at the same time. If I could do this while on a boat I would be in heaven.” Clemens will start his mascoting right away and the ClemandMs should be available by Valentine’s Day. |
Clemens Hits it Big Time!
From Nickelodeon Magazine 8/30/2012:
Big Time Clemens
Mr. Clemens makes a welcome return to TV, guest starring in a two part episode of the hit Nickelodeon show, Big Time Rush. The two part episode, entitled Civics Never Lies, deals with the return of Atticus Moon. On the show Clemens plays the brother-in-law of band manager Stephen Glickman. Clemens works for Moon and tries to stop the band from performing. “I’ve never played a baddie before,” elaborates Clemens, “I think this will make my acting resume more better.” Once the band explains to Clemens what is going on, he uses his knowledge of civics to convince Moon that bad guys almost never win and that dictatorships almost always fail. In celebration of their victory, Clemens joins Big Time Rush on their tour and they perform some of the Village People songs that Clemens made famous.
Big Time Clemens
Mr. Clemens makes a welcome return to TV, guest starring in a two part episode of the hit Nickelodeon show, Big Time Rush. The two part episode, entitled Civics Never Lies, deals with the return of Atticus Moon. On the show Clemens plays the brother-in-law of band manager Stephen Glickman. Clemens works for Moon and tries to stop the band from performing. “I’ve never played a baddie before,” elaborates Clemens, “I think this will make my acting resume more better.” Once the band explains to Clemens what is going on, he uses his knowledge of civics to convince Moon that bad guys almost never win and that dictatorships almost always fail. In celebration of their victory, Clemens joins Big Time Rush on their tour and they perform some of the Village People songs that Clemens made famous.
Mr. Clemens' Bogus Journey
From the Hollywood Reporter 8/29/2012:
Most Excellent Casting
As production draws near and the eagerly anticipated third Bill and Ted movie, the internet has been buzzing with rumors over who will be playing the part of Bill since this publicity still was released to the public. “Let me put any fears to rest,” clarifies starring actor Keanu Reeves, “Alex Winter will be returning as Bill.” Clemens was cast for the original movie and did several screen tests with Mr. Reeves but ultimately was not cast. “Clemens kept pointing out all the historical inaccuracies,” explains one of the movies producers,” He was an asset when it came to research the historical figures that Bill and Ted were going to use in their final presentation but he tended to take things a little too literally.” “I didn’t realize that this was supposed to be a sci-fi comedy,” explains Clemens, “I take history and civics very seriously.” Clemens fans should not despair that they will not see their favorite teacher in the time traveling phone booth; “We still need to re-cast George Carlin’s role and Clemens looks really good for that.” Explains Reeves.
Most Excellent Casting
As production draws near and the eagerly anticipated third Bill and Ted movie, the internet has been buzzing with rumors over who will be playing the part of Bill since this publicity still was released to the public. “Let me put any fears to rest,” clarifies starring actor Keanu Reeves, “Alex Winter will be returning as Bill.” Clemens was cast for the original movie and did several screen tests with Mr. Reeves but ultimately was not cast. “Clemens kept pointing out all the historical inaccuracies,” explains one of the movies producers,” He was an asset when it came to research the historical figures that Bill and Ted were going to use in their final presentation but he tended to take things a little too literally.” “I didn’t realize that this was supposed to be a sci-fi comedy,” explains Clemens, “I take history and civics very seriously.” Clemens fans should not despair that they will not see their favorite teacher in the time traveling phone booth; “We still need to re-cast George Carlin’s role and Clemens looks really good for that.” Explains Reeves.
Got Muscles?
From BodyWorks Monthly 8/29/2012:
Bulk for the Hulk
Mr. Clemens has been bulking up this summer. He has been known to spend eight to ten hours a day in the gym prior to the start of school. “I played the Hulk in the biggest blockbuster of the summer,” explains Clemens, “but the director didn’t think I had enough muscles so he had to CGI on a few. I want to spare Joss that for the sequel.” Clemens rate of building muscle mass has been astonishing but he insists no illegal substances were used. “I only used stuff that I saw Stallone using in the first Rocky and a lot of vitamins from GNC.” Clemens promises to continue to work out until his body matches that of his CGI counterpart. “The only problem is that I have now ripped apart two civics books while trying to open them.” Clemens is worried that because of all his muscles he might lose some mobility in his arms but thinks that is an acceptable price to pay for his craft.
Bulk for the Hulk
Mr. Clemens has been bulking up this summer. He has been known to spend eight to ten hours a day in the gym prior to the start of school. “I played the Hulk in the biggest blockbuster of the summer,” explains Clemens, “but the director didn’t think I had enough muscles so he had to CGI on a few. I want to spare Joss that for the sequel.” Clemens rate of building muscle mass has been astonishing but he insists no illegal substances were used. “I only used stuff that I saw Stallone using in the first Rocky and a lot of vitamins from GNC.” Clemens promises to continue to work out until his body matches that of his CGI counterpart. “The only problem is that I have now ripped apart two civics books while trying to open them.” Clemens is worried that because of all his muscles he might lose some mobility in his arms but thinks that is an acceptable price to pay for his craft.
Grin and Bear ItFrom the Hartford Courant 8/28/2012
Bear Necessities Mr. Clemens had a bear problem in his backyard. He couldn’t figure out how to keep the bears from raiding his garbage and going after his cats. So he decided if you can’t beat them, train them. “I found out that bears really do like picnic baskets,” explains Clemens,” but contrary to popular beliefs they do not like hats and ties.” Through trial and error Clemens has learned how to train his bears. He even took “Betty” to his cousins wedding as a date. Mr. Clemens has now decided to share his experience with the world by opening the Clemens’ Bear Leadership Academy. He will come to your house and train any bears that might be nearby. His first perspective client is the Phys-Ed teacher at the school where he works. “By doing this I can make the bears adapt to our habitat and make their lives more better.” Affirms Clemens. |
Breakfast of Civics Teachers!
From Advertiser Monthly 8/23/2012
Mr. Clemens New Face of Breakfast!
Civics Teacher and part time celebrity, Mr. Clemens, has landed a new endorsement, he is to be the new face of Quaker Oatmeal. "We thought it was time to update the image of the company," says a Quaker Executive, "So we wanted a wholesome face that says good morals, good ethics and good food." It is interesting to note that this is not the first Clemens to be the face of Quaker Oats. "When the company first got started it was a Clemens who had the idea to add hot water to the oats. He said that way people could eat them too, not just horses." The current Mr. Clemens likes hot water in his oats as well. "I am thrilled to be the spokesperson for this product," Clemens states, "Quaker Oats encourages kids having a healthy breakfast so they do better in school and anything that encourages my students to do more better is something I can get behind."
Mr. Clemens New Face of Breakfast!
Civics Teacher and part time celebrity, Mr. Clemens, has landed a new endorsement, he is to be the new face of Quaker Oatmeal. "We thought it was time to update the image of the company," says a Quaker Executive, "So we wanted a wholesome face that says good morals, good ethics and good food." It is interesting to note that this is not the first Clemens to be the face of Quaker Oats. "When the company first got started it was a Clemens who had the idea to add hot water to the oats. He said that way people could eat them too, not just horses." The current Mr. Clemens likes hot water in his oats as well. "I am thrilled to be the spokesperson for this product," Clemens states, "Quaker Oats encourages kids having a healthy breakfast so they do better in school and anything that encourages my students to do more better is something I can get behind."
One Crazy Summer
From the Hartford Courant 8/22/2012
How He Spent His Summer
Mr. Clemens spent most of his summer trying to stay out of the limelight and avoiding reporters. The Hartford Courant can present what little is known about his vacation. First, Clemens spent a lot of the time on the set of the new live action SpongeBob Squarepants Movie. Clemens is playing the role of Patrick Star. "I wanted to play SpongeBob but they said I was too tall." Clemens spent many weeks in purple make-up but thinks the end result will be worth it. "I had so much fun I tried to get my friends in on it as well." The only person Mr. Clemens was able to get cast was his friend Mr. Travaglini. Travaglini is playing Squidward Tentacles. "It is the perfect part for him," explains Clemens, "He is tall, lanky and also plays the clarinet." Clemens will go back for pick-up work doing the Labor day weekend, the movie is scheduled for a summer of 2013 release.
How He Spent His Summer
Mr. Clemens spent most of his summer trying to stay out of the limelight and avoiding reporters. The Hartford Courant can present what little is known about his vacation. First, Clemens spent a lot of the time on the set of the new live action SpongeBob Squarepants Movie. Clemens is playing the role of Patrick Star. "I wanted to play SpongeBob but they said I was too tall." Clemens spent many weeks in purple make-up but thinks the end result will be worth it. "I had so much fun I tried to get my friends in on it as well." The only person Mr. Clemens was able to get cast was his friend Mr. Travaglini. Travaglini is playing Squidward Tentacles. "It is the perfect part for him," explains Clemens, "He is tall, lanky and also plays the clarinet." Clemens will go back for pick-up work doing the Labor day weekend, the movie is scheduled for a summer of 2013 release.
Clemens further enhanced his mascot resume this summer when he took on the iconic role of Popeye for Popeye brand spinach. "Being Popeye is every sailor's dream!;" Gushed Clemens, "I cannot put into words how thrilled I am to be able to wear the iconic anchor tattoos." Clemens was also very excited that the owners of Popeye's Spinach are allowing him to wear the costume to events that deal with his job as the head of the Department of Water Safety. "What a great ways for kids to have someone to look up to and emulate when it comes to water safety," explains Clemens, "Popeye never sank, even when Bluto would try and make him. Popeye was also an excellent swimmer!" Speaking of excellent swimmers, that was Mr. Clemens biggest role over the summer.
And last, but not least, this summer, Mr. Clemens represented his country at the Summer Olympic Games in London. Mr. Clemens set a record for the number of events swam but did not receive a medal in any of them. "It was just an honor to compete and represent my country," Clemens explains, "I had a lot to show these young kids and I think I did a good job." Clemens was also voted the honorary team captain and taught the American swimmers a good deal about water safety and how not to drown. "I also gave Lochte a copy of my book on how not to be eaten by a shark," adds Clemens, "After all, you saw in that commercial that he swam all the way to London in the ocean." Clemens plans to return to teaching in Hartford this following Tuesday.
Heigh Ho Silver!
From the Hartford Courant 6/10/2012:
And They’re Off!
While attending a birthday party for his daughter at the Hartford Carousel, a strange thing happened to local civics teacher Mr. Clemens. After the partygoers had left the family had a ride to itself; to the surprise of everyone in the family, the horses carrying Mr. Clemens and his nephew left the carousel and begin racing Bushnell Park. The horse with the nephew returned but the horse bearing Mr. Clemens rode off into the sunset. When asked what she thought all the birthday girl could say was “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” It is unclear where Mr. Clemens went and if he will return in time for the last day of school.
And They’re Off!
While attending a birthday party for his daughter at the Hartford Carousel, a strange thing happened to local civics teacher Mr. Clemens. After the partygoers had left the family had a ride to itself; to the surprise of everyone in the family, the horses carrying Mr. Clemens and his nephew left the carousel and begin racing Bushnell Park. The horse with the nephew returned but the horse bearing Mr. Clemens rode off into the sunset. When asked what she thought all the birthday girl could say was “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” It is unclear where Mr. Clemens went and if he will return in time for the last day of school.
Won't You be My Neighbor?
From PBS.Org 6/8/2012:
Return to Make Believe
Mr. Clemens is returning to childrens’ television on a re-boot of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. The show, simply called Mr. Clemens’ Neighborhood, will adhere to the format of the original series. “We thought Clemens would be perfect to bring this icon back to life,” claims a PBS executive,” He is a teacher, he knows how to reach kids, still likes to play with toys and knows and loves to sing the theme song.” Clemens is excited too, “Mr. Rogers was my inspiration growing up, that is why I have such a huge collection of sweaters and cardigans.” Clemens states that he is going to stick by the weekly topics but he is going to teach the residents of Make Believe civics. “Prince Tuesday should be a king by now,” explains Clemens, “They are going to need a Magna Carta to keep him in line.” Episodes of Mr. Clemens Neighborhood are expected to air fall of 2013.
Return to Make Believe
Mr. Clemens is returning to childrens’ television on a re-boot of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. The show, simply called Mr. Clemens’ Neighborhood, will adhere to the format of the original series. “We thought Clemens would be perfect to bring this icon back to life,” claims a PBS executive,” He is a teacher, he knows how to reach kids, still likes to play with toys and knows and loves to sing the theme song.” Clemens is excited too, “Mr. Rogers was my inspiration growing up, that is why I have such a huge collection of sweaters and cardigans.” Clemens states that he is going to stick by the weekly topics but he is going to teach the residents of Make Believe civics. “Prince Tuesday should be a king by now,” explains Clemens, “They are going to need a Magna Carta to keep him in line.” Episodes of Mr. Clemens Neighborhood are expected to air fall of 2013.
Star Trike
From the Hartford Courant 6/7/2012:
Boldly Skipping Mr. Clemens was once again absent from work this week. Clemens claimed it was a sick baby sitter but one of the courant photographers saw him picking up his new motorcycle at a local Star Trek Convention. Clemens ordered the custom “trike” to let his inner geek flag fly. Clemens has long been a part of a Star Trek fan club known as the Red Shirt Brigade. Clemens’ states his character is Lt. Willie Makit of the USS Expendable. “The Red Shirts in Star Trek were always the ones that beamed down with Captain Kirk and ended up dead by the first commercial.” Explained Clemens in an interview when he joined the club;” As long as I stay away from water I should beat that statistic.” Clemens plans on riding his “trike” to school when the weather cooperates. |
Cirque Du Clemens
From the Harford Courant 6/5/2012:
Clemens is a Bendable Teacher
Cirque Du Soleil has announced that they are going to produce a show based on the life of Mr. Clemens. It is also going to be the first Cirque production to actually feature the person it is based on. “I saw Mr. Clemens at the National Twister Tournament,” said Franco Dragone, creator of Cirque Du Soleil, “and I noticed how flexible he was. It seemed only natural that he perform in the show.” The show it tentatively titled simply Civics in tradition with Cirque’s one word titles. It is also the first production that will feature aliens and that has got the costuming department really excited. Cirque Du Soleil is noted for their unique and vibrant costuming. “I just hope I get to play myself and not one of the Travaglinis,” Clemens stated,” I don’t think I couldn’t blink for that long.” The music for Civics will feature all of the disco hits that Clemens has written or performed over the ages. The show is slated to begin production in 2013.
Clemens is a Bendable Teacher
Cirque Du Soleil has announced that they are going to produce a show based on the life of Mr. Clemens. It is also going to be the first Cirque production to actually feature the person it is based on. “I saw Mr. Clemens at the National Twister Tournament,” said Franco Dragone, creator of Cirque Du Soleil, “and I noticed how flexible he was. It seemed only natural that he perform in the show.” The show it tentatively titled simply Civics in tradition with Cirque’s one word titles. It is also the first production that will feature aliens and that has got the costuming department really excited. Cirque Du Soleil is noted for their unique and vibrant costuming. “I just hope I get to play myself and not one of the Travaglinis,” Clemens stated,” I don’t think I couldn’t blink for that long.” The music for Civics will feature all of the disco hits that Clemens has written or performed over the ages. The show is slated to begin production in 2013.
Clemens: The Begining
From TV Guide 6/4/2012:
Humble Origins
The Biography Channel is taking an in depth look at the early years of Mr. Clemens in a four part documentary to air this summer. The first part will talk about his formative years, his love of civics and his fascination with various modes of transportation. The second part will look at his early teaching career (see picture) including interviews with some of Mr. Clemens very first students. The third part will focus on his early acting career and some of the roles that have shaped his life. The fourth part will lead up to his coming to teach in Hartford and the hard decisions that led him there. Biography Channel is planning a follow up next summer that will address his current state including his government appointments and his discovery of an intelligent alien race. “I think they did a good job on this special,” states Clemens, “I could not have done a more better job of explaining it myself. Even I learned new things about my life.”
Humble Origins
The Biography Channel is taking an in depth look at the early years of Mr. Clemens in a four part documentary to air this summer. The first part will talk about his formative years, his love of civics and his fascination with various modes of transportation. The second part will look at his early teaching career (see picture) including interviews with some of Mr. Clemens very first students. The third part will focus on his early acting career and some of the roles that have shaped his life. The fourth part will lead up to his coming to teach in Hartford and the hard decisions that led him there. Biography Channel is planning a follow up next summer that will address his current state including his government appointments and his discovery of an intelligent alien race. “I think they did a good job on this special,” states Clemens, “I could not have done a more better job of explaining it myself. Even I learned new things about my life.”
Dough!
From the Hartford Courant 6/1/2012:
Local Teacher Gets Temp Job!
Mr. Clemens, who recently lost his job as the Twinkie the Kid Mascot, has found a temporary job. "Today is National Doughnut Day," explains Clemens, "And I've been hired to stand outside grocery stores and other establishments to promote it!" He plans to start as soon as the students are dismissed from school today. "I chose a pink doughnut because today is my daughter's birthday and pink is her favorite color." He added. Clemens got the job based on his glowing recommendations from his co-workers at Hostess. "When someone has a real passion for what they do it is an incredible joy to see them at work." Stated one Clemens co-worker. Clemens is hoping that this job will lead to others. "Maybe there will be a need for a new Michelin Man!"
Local Teacher Gets Temp Job!
Mr. Clemens, who recently lost his job as the Twinkie the Kid Mascot, has found a temporary job. "Today is National Doughnut Day," explains Clemens, "And I've been hired to stand outside grocery stores and other establishments to promote it!" He plans to start as soon as the students are dismissed from school today. "I chose a pink doughnut because today is my daughter's birthday and pink is her favorite color." He added. Clemens got the job based on his glowing recommendations from his co-workers at Hostess. "When someone has a real passion for what they do it is an incredible joy to see them at work." Stated one Clemens co-worker. Clemens is hoping that this job will lead to others. "Maybe there will be a need for a new Michelin Man!"
Underdog Lives!
From the Hartford Courant 6/1/2012:
Up, Up and Away!
Mr. Clemens’ new obsession is flying. He has his own plane now he is trying to teach his dog how to fly. “Underdog is a beagle and if you look at the ears they are very aerodynamic,” explains Clemens. Clemens insists that his dog wanted to learn how to fly since he was always jumping off the couch or the stairs. “And I know the ears are large enough,” adds Clemens, “If big ears could hold Dumbo up they can hold up a beagle; after all an elephant weighs much more than a beagle.” Clemens wants the dog to fly beside the plane so he has room for his daughters in the plane. “I could always ask Mr. Travaglini for a bigger plane but it took me years to get the one I have approved.”
Up, Up and Away!
Mr. Clemens’ new obsession is flying. He has his own plane now he is trying to teach his dog how to fly. “Underdog is a beagle and if you look at the ears they are very aerodynamic,” explains Clemens. Clemens insists that his dog wanted to learn how to fly since he was always jumping off the couch or the stairs. “And I know the ears are large enough,” adds Clemens, “If big ears could hold Dumbo up they can hold up a beagle; after all an elephant weighs much more than a beagle.” Clemens wants the dog to fly beside the plane so he has room for his daughters in the plane. “I could always ask Mr. Travaglini for a bigger plane but it took me years to get the one I have approved.”
Who You Gonna Call?
From Premiere Magazine 5/31/2012:
Bustin’ Makes Him Feel Good
One of the most highly anticipated movies of 2013 is Ghostbusters 3D. Most of the plot has been kept under wraps but a few details have leaked out. One of those details is that Mr. Clemens is going to be playing an unnamed ghost in the film. “my character is semi-autobiographical,” explains Clemens, “He is a civics teacher who died quietly in his classroom while playing a phone app. The funny thing is that he does not realize he is dead. He just goes on and continues to teach. The students do not notice anything odd about him either except for the fact that they cannot seem to hit him with spitballs anymore.” Ghostbusters 3D reunites the original cast but there is no word if Mr. Clemens will have any scenes with them. The big rumor is that Bill Murray’s character is now a ghost and has some memorable experiences but Clemens refuses to comment if they share any scenes together. “With the non-disclosure contract I had to sign I would become a real ghost if I said anything.” Audiences will just have to wait for next summer to find out.
Bustin’ Makes Him Feel Good
One of the most highly anticipated movies of 2013 is Ghostbusters 3D. Most of the plot has been kept under wraps but a few details have leaked out. One of those details is that Mr. Clemens is going to be playing an unnamed ghost in the film. “my character is semi-autobiographical,” explains Clemens, “He is a civics teacher who died quietly in his classroom while playing a phone app. The funny thing is that he does not realize he is dead. He just goes on and continues to teach. The students do not notice anything odd about him either except for the fact that they cannot seem to hit him with spitballs anymore.” Ghostbusters 3D reunites the original cast but there is no word if Mr. Clemens will have any scenes with them. The big rumor is that Bill Murray’s character is now a ghost and has some memorable experiences but Clemens refuses to comment if they share any scenes together. “With the non-disclosure contract I had to sign I would become a real ghost if I said anything.” Audiences will just have to wait for next summer to find out.
The Serkis Has Left Town
From Variety 5/30/2012:
Three Ring Serkis In a surprising move, actor Andy Serkis has left the production of The Hobbit, the prequel to The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Desperate for a replacement, director Peter Jackson turned to former teacher Mr. Clemens. “Before I had met Andy I had Clemens in mind when creating Golem,” explains Jackson, “He used to always carry that civics textbook around and stroke it lovingly like Golem does the ring. I wouldn’t be surprised if he called the book ‘my precious’”. Clemens was planning to sail to Australia to begin filming but Jackson insisted on no boats, “Just to be safe.” Clemens has a different take on the character of Golem; “I believe that Golem was originally a content area teacher but the fact that the state did not take his content area seriously enough to include it on the standardized testing drove him mad. That is what led him to kill his cousin and take the ring from him.” Jackson feels that Clemens can have whatever take he feels like since the performance will be animated over anyways. The Hobbit part 1: An Unexpected Journey is expected to hit theaters around Thanksgiving 2012 with Part 2 being released the following year. |
The Force is Strong with This One! (Click to Enlarge pictures)
From the Hartford Courant 5/29/2012:
Clemens has a forceful weekend
Local celebrity and civics teacher had a very busy weekend. First he got dressed up in his homemade Death Star costume and went to the planetarium for the midnight showing of A New Hope on Friday which was the 35th anniversary of the original Star Wars movie. Clemens costume was a hit but a few fans got upset when he tried to recreate the Death Star scenes while the movie was playing. “I thought they would like it,” defends Clemens, “It was always a big hit when I did Rocky Horror.” Then on Memorial Day Clemens put on his Darth Vader costume and tried to raise awareness about homeless veterans. “I know I did it in a comical way but it is a serious issue,” states Clemens, “And I had a lot of fun talking to people about displaced Stormtroopers and all the independent contractors who lost their jobs when the Clone Wars ended or the Death Stars blew up.” Clemens does not plan on putting on his costumes again anytime soon but hints that a costumed film role may be in his future; “I’m just saying that with all the superhero movies right now it is a good time for a Shazam re-make.”
Clemens has a forceful weekend
Local celebrity and civics teacher had a very busy weekend. First he got dressed up in his homemade Death Star costume and went to the planetarium for the midnight showing of A New Hope on Friday which was the 35th anniversary of the original Star Wars movie. Clemens costume was a hit but a few fans got upset when he tried to recreate the Death Star scenes while the movie was playing. “I thought they would like it,” defends Clemens, “It was always a big hit when I did Rocky Horror.” Then on Memorial Day Clemens put on his Darth Vader costume and tried to raise awareness about homeless veterans. “I know I did it in a comical way but it is a serious issue,” states Clemens, “And I had a lot of fun talking to people about displaced Stormtroopers and all the independent contractors who lost their jobs when the Clone Wars ended or the Death Stars blew up.” Clemens does not plan on putting on his costumes again anytime soon but hints that a costumed film role may be in his future; “I’m just saying that with all the superhero movies right now it is a good time for a Shazam re-make.”
Only Human
From the Hartford Courant 5/25/2012:
Human Again
Mr. Clemens has had his humanity restored with very few side effects; “I still crave raw meat and am hungry all the time,” he explains, “but besides that I am no worse for the wear after being turned into a virtual lion.” Other side effects include occasionally locking up when performing a task and an almost incontrollable urge to be on his cellphone at all times, in short, he has turned into a typical middle school student. Clemens even kept his promise to his daughter to let her braid and bow his hair. “I have learned a lot from this experience that I can translate for my class,” Clemens adds, “Being a lion is being king of the zoo so I can speak to the political organization of virtual animals and their society. It isn’t very forgiving.” His students are sure to eagerly anticipate that lesson.
Human Again
Mr. Clemens has had his humanity restored with very few side effects; “I still crave raw meat and am hungry all the time,” he explains, “but besides that I am no worse for the wear after being turned into a virtual lion.” Other side effects include occasionally locking up when performing a task and an almost incontrollable urge to be on his cellphone at all times, in short, he has turned into a typical middle school student. Clemens even kept his promise to his daughter to let her braid and bow his hair. “I have learned a lot from this experience that I can translate for my class,” Clemens adds, “Being a lion is being king of the zoo so I can speak to the political organization of virtual animals and their society. It isn’t very forgiving.” His students are sure to eagerly anticipate that lesson.
Rescued?
From the Hartford Courant 5/24/2012:
Upgraded!
In a process that is unlikely to be made clear anytime soon, scientists have partially reintegrated Mr. Clemens back into the real world. “I am the first human/phone hybrid,” claims Clemens, surprisingly optimistic, “It was only a matter of time before this happened, with Bluetooths we are halfway there already.” Clemens is excited about the teaching potential being a full sized smartphone can be. “I’ll have access to videos and information almost instantly,” he states, “plus I have me tried and true green sweater to pull over it when my students try to play Angry Birds on me.” Not everyone is happy that Clemens is out of the Dream Zoo App. “I liked daddy in there,” pouts Clemens youngest daughter, “When he was a lion I got to brush his hair and put braids and bows in it.” Clemens promises to let his daughter continue to put bows in his hair. In the meantime scientists are looking at a way to restore Clemens to being fully human but he is in no hurry.
Upgraded!
In a process that is unlikely to be made clear anytime soon, scientists have partially reintegrated Mr. Clemens back into the real world. “I am the first human/phone hybrid,” claims Clemens, surprisingly optimistic, “It was only a matter of time before this happened, with Bluetooths we are halfway there already.” Clemens is excited about the teaching potential being a full sized smartphone can be. “I’ll have access to videos and information almost instantly,” he states, “plus I have me tried and true green sweater to pull over it when my students try to play Angry Birds on me.” Not everyone is happy that Clemens is out of the Dream Zoo App. “I liked daddy in there,” pouts Clemens youngest daughter, “When he was a lion I got to brush his hair and put braids and bows in it.” Clemens promises to let his daughter continue to put bows in his hair. In the meantime scientists are looking at a way to restore Clemens to being fully human but he is in no hurry.
Dream Come True?
From the Hartford Courant 5/23/2012:
Trapped in APP!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens was not in school again today. Family and friends began to worry about what might have happened to him until they started receiving texts and Skype messages. In an event that has baffled scientists, Mr. Clemens somehow got trapped in the APP he was playing on his phone, similar to what happened to Jeff Bridges in the movie Tron. Unlike Tron, Clemens has not found himself in a hostile environment but rather in the zoo he has been creating and maintaining. Clemens is having a good time and is safe as long as power is supplied to his phone. He does still plan on teaching tomorrow; “I have a smartboard in my classroom,” he commented, “As long as we can get past the school filters I can Skype in or text in my lessons so my middle school students won’t suffer.” Scientists are looking into ways of reversing the process and bringing Clemens home.
Trapped in APP!
Civics Teacher Mr. Clemens was not in school again today. Family and friends began to worry about what might have happened to him until they started receiving texts and Skype messages. In an event that has baffled scientists, Mr. Clemens somehow got trapped in the APP he was playing on his phone, similar to what happened to Jeff Bridges in the movie Tron. Unlike Tron, Clemens has not found himself in a hostile environment but rather in the zoo he has been creating and maintaining. Clemens is having a good time and is safe as long as power is supplied to his phone. He does still plan on teaching tomorrow; “I have a smartboard in my classroom,” he commented, “As long as we can get past the school filters I can Skype in or text in my lessons so my middle school students won’t suffer.” Scientists are looking into ways of reversing the process and bringing Clemens home.
Shaken, not Stirred
From Premiere Magazine 5/22/2012:
Back in Action
Daniel Craig announced that he is retiring from the role of James Bond after Skyfall hits theaters this fall. Craig stated that he thought that his good friend and fellow actor Mr. Clemens would be perfect for the role. Clemens has demonstrated that he can pull off big action films having been in the Avengers and his own Terminator. “I would be the second American James Bond!,” Clemens stated excitedly, “I can’t wait to go to my students and say ‘Clemens. Mr. Clemens’.” Clemens is referring to the fact that in the very early sixties Bond Creator Ian Fleming sold the rights to CBS television who produced their own version of Casino Royale which featured American actor Barry Nelson playing Jimmy Bond of the CIA. Clemens obviously did his research for the role, hopefully he will impress the producers enough to be cast as the next 007. “If not I hear they are making a modern version of another Ian Fleming book and I would be perfect for that as well,” insists Clemens. That book is, of course, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang; “And I can sing just like Dick Van Dyke!”
Back in Action
Daniel Craig announced that he is retiring from the role of James Bond after Skyfall hits theaters this fall. Craig stated that he thought that his good friend and fellow actor Mr. Clemens would be perfect for the role. Clemens has demonstrated that he can pull off big action films having been in the Avengers and his own Terminator. “I would be the second American James Bond!,” Clemens stated excitedly, “I can’t wait to go to my students and say ‘Clemens. Mr. Clemens’.” Clemens is referring to the fact that in the very early sixties Bond Creator Ian Fleming sold the rights to CBS television who produced their own version of Casino Royale which featured American actor Barry Nelson playing Jimmy Bond of the CIA. Clemens obviously did his research for the role, hopefully he will impress the producers enough to be cast as the next 007. “If not I hear they are making a modern version of another Ian Fleming book and I would be perfect for that as well,” insists Clemens. That book is, of course, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang; “And I can sing just like Dick Van Dyke!”
Stayin' Alive!
From the Hartford Courant 5/21/2012:
Death to Disco
Mr. Clemens will be attending two funerals of disco icons this week. The first is Donna Summer and the second is Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees. Clemens will be representing his disco group, The Village People. “The contribution that these two made to the world of music cannot be overstated,” said a tearful Clemens, “The world is a much lonelier place without them.” There will be a retrospective of their work with many surviving disco performers singing songs of the Bee Gees and Donna Summer. Period clothing and accessories will be worn to remind people of the fashion and culture of the time. “I am just pleased that I can wear bell bottoms again,” states Clemens, “but I did have to find a wig to regain my old hairdo.” Clemens will be performing She Works Hard for the Money and Stayin’ Alive. “I think Stayin’ Alive is a very appropriate tribute because the lifestyle we lived in the seventies it is amazing that so many of us are stayin’ alive.” States Clemens.
Death to Disco
Mr. Clemens will be attending two funerals of disco icons this week. The first is Donna Summer and the second is Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees. Clemens will be representing his disco group, The Village People. “The contribution that these two made to the world of music cannot be overstated,” said a tearful Clemens, “The world is a much lonelier place without them.” There will be a retrospective of their work with many surviving disco performers singing songs of the Bee Gees and Donna Summer. Period clothing and accessories will be worn to remind people of the fashion and culture of the time. “I am just pleased that I can wear bell bottoms again,” states Clemens, “but I did have to find a wig to regain my old hairdo.” Clemens will be performing She Works Hard for the Money and Stayin’ Alive. “I think Stayin’ Alive is a very appropriate tribute because the lifestyle we lived in the seventies it is amazing that so many of us are stayin’ alive.” States Clemens.
Clemens Gets a Noid
From the Hartford Courant 5/18/2012:
Earlier Mascot Role Discovered
Famed Civics teacher and mascot Mr. Clemens has been at the mascot business longer than was believed. New footage recently discovered on Youtube shows that Mr. Clemens was in fact the first Noid. “I could relate to the Noid,” states Clemens, “When I put on a costume most people tend to avoid me too.” Mr. Clemens may be in luck as Dominos Pizza is considering bringing back the Noid to help combat lagging sales. “That would be huge,” exclaims Clemens, “I’d do better at the Noid now then I was then since I have had a lot of mascoting experience since then.” Dominos has made no formal offer to Clemens but the rumor mill is rife with unofficial negotiations at the moment.
Earlier Mascot Role Discovered
Famed Civics teacher and mascot Mr. Clemens has been at the mascot business longer than was believed. New footage recently discovered on Youtube shows that Mr. Clemens was in fact the first Noid. “I could relate to the Noid,” states Clemens, “When I put on a costume most people tend to avoid me too.” Mr. Clemens may be in luck as Dominos Pizza is considering bringing back the Noid to help combat lagging sales. “That would be huge,” exclaims Clemens, “I’d do better at the Noid now then I was then since I have had a lot of mascoting experience since then.” Dominos has made no formal offer to Clemens but the rumor mill is rife with unofficial negotiations at the moment.
A New Mascot for a New Age
From the Hartford Courant 5/17/2012:
Clemens Gives Self New Job
Still reeling from the loss of his job as Hostess mascot Twinkie the Kid, Mr. Clemens decided it was time to create his own Mascot, Civics Hero. “This is not like the comic heroes I’ve created before,” explains Clemens, “This is for schools and other institutions to use to promote the learning of civics.” Clemens explains that students need someone to look up to and often advertising mascots fill that role and that the more unique the costume, the more people pay attention. Mr. Clemens daughter stated that “Daddy just likes playing dress up.” Clemens is currently booking appointments for his appearance as Civics Hero.
Clemens Gives Self New Job
Still reeling from the loss of his job as Hostess mascot Twinkie the Kid, Mr. Clemens decided it was time to create his own Mascot, Civics Hero. “This is not like the comic heroes I’ve created before,” explains Clemens, “This is for schools and other institutions to use to promote the learning of civics.” Clemens explains that students need someone to look up to and often advertising mascots fill that role and that the more unique the costume, the more people pay attention. Mr. Clemens daughter stated that “Daddy just likes playing dress up.” Clemens is currently booking appointments for his appearance as Civics Hero.
RIP T. the Kid
From the Hartford Courant 5/16/2012:
Clemens Laid Off!
Hostess has announced massive layoffs in Connecticut and Mr. Clemens was one of the first to go. Clemens has been the face of Twinkies in Connecticut for the last 10 years as “Twinkie the Kid”. Clemens often graced such events as company picnics, birthday parties and softball games. Many children will be devastated by this loss; Clemens is a little more philosophical about it;” I had a good run,” he says, “I have other jobs so I will be okay financially. I’ll just miss working with the kids but at least they let me keep the costume.” Clemens asks that in lieu of financial help to see him through that people donate Twinkies as he will miss the perk of having a life time supply of free ones. “I do have a lot saved up since their half-life of Twinkies is like 500 years but I will run out someday.” Clemens is currently looking for another mascot position.
Clemens Laid Off!
Hostess has announced massive layoffs in Connecticut and Mr. Clemens was one of the first to go. Clemens has been the face of Twinkies in Connecticut for the last 10 years as “Twinkie the Kid”. Clemens often graced such events as company picnics, birthday parties and softball games. Many children will be devastated by this loss; Clemens is a little more philosophical about it;” I had a good run,” he says, “I have other jobs so I will be okay financially. I’ll just miss working with the kids but at least they let me keep the costume.” Clemens asks that in lieu of financial help to see him through that people donate Twinkies as he will miss the perk of having a life time supply of free ones. “I do have a lot saved up since their half-life of Twinkies is like 500 years but I will run out someday.” Clemens is currently looking for another mascot position.
That's Mr. Gump to You!
From Playbill Magazine 5/15/2012:
Run, Clemens, Run!
Forrest Gump was a book, then a movie and even a restaurant chain, now it is coming to a stage near you. Playing the title character is Mr. Clemens. Clemens is a perfect match for the character since he has been to space, underwater, met famous people and run races, amongst many other things, people refer to him as the Forrest Gump of the Public Schools. Clemens admits they have some character traits in common;”We are both optimists and both take what life throws at us and that’s all I have to say about that.” Clemens wanted to turn the play into a musical featuring Gump by “Weird Al” Yankovic but that idea was quickly vetoed by the producers. Gump the play is expected to start rehearsing in June for the fall Broadway season.
Run, Clemens, Run!
Forrest Gump was a book, then a movie and even a restaurant chain, now it is coming to a stage near you. Playing the title character is Mr. Clemens. Clemens is a perfect match for the character since he has been to space, underwater, met famous people and run races, amongst many other things, people refer to him as the Forrest Gump of the Public Schools. Clemens admits they have some character traits in common;”We are both optimists and both take what life throws at us and that’s all I have to say about that.” Clemens wanted to turn the play into a musical featuring Gump by “Weird Al” Yankovic but that idea was quickly vetoed by the producers. Gump the play is expected to start rehearsing in June for the fall Broadway season.
No. 1 Fan ReduexFrom the Hartford Courant 5/14/2012:
Meeting his Idol Mr. Clemens got to go back stage last night during the “Weird Al” Yankovic concert to meet his idol. “I was nervous as a schoolboy,” Clemens confessed,” It was the greatest night of my life. My first day as a teacher is not even a close second!” Clemens got to hang out with the rock megastar after the show, they even shared on of “Weird Al”’s famous Twinkie Wiener Sandwiches. “Meeting Mr. Clemens was a unique experience,” states Yankovic, “I might even be able to get a song out of it.” Clemens fans should not hold their breath that he might join with the “weird one” as Al never does duets unless they are with himself. |
Absolutely Fabulous
From an advert in Bartenders Monthly Magazine 5/14/2012:
Absolut Civics
In an Absolut world where nothing is absolute
it is refreshing to know there are still things you can count on.
Mr. Clemens.
Civics.
Absolut.
Absolut Civics
In an Absolut world where nothing is absolute
it is refreshing to know there are still things you can count on.
Mr. Clemens.
Civics.
Absolut.
Come Aboard, He's expecting You!
From the Hartford Courant 5/11/2012:
Exciting and New
The television comedy, The Love Boat, is about to make its debut on Blu-Ray. As is the case with a lot of Blu-Rays, promotional items and lost footage abound in this set. For the first season release of the series they are including the two television movies that preceded the series and a rare pilot where another actor played Captain Stubing, Mr. Clemens. “I thought getting that part was a dream come true,” states Clemens on the dvd commentary, “That was until I realized that the show was filmed on a set and that the footage of the boats were just stock footage.” Clemens was under the impression at the time that not only would he get to act, but he could be on the sea as well. “It didn’t work out for me and I was replaced,” Clemens explains, “But I have a lot of fond memories of that cast and every now and then Ted “Isaac” Lange will come over and serve drinks from my boat.” There is talk of a revival and Clemens is interested but is looking for a different role. “I am teaching now and my time is limited. I’m thinking Gopher would be the right role for me.”
Exciting and New
The television comedy, The Love Boat, is about to make its debut on Blu-Ray. As is the case with a lot of Blu-Rays, promotional items and lost footage abound in this set. For the first season release of the series they are including the two television movies that preceded the series and a rare pilot where another actor played Captain Stubing, Mr. Clemens. “I thought getting that part was a dream come true,” states Clemens on the dvd commentary, “That was until I realized that the show was filmed on a set and that the footage of the boats were just stock footage.” Clemens was under the impression at the time that not only would he get to act, but he could be on the sea as well. “It didn’t work out for me and I was replaced,” Clemens explains, “But I have a lot of fond memories of that cast and every now and then Ted “Isaac” Lange will come over and serve drinks from my boat.” There is talk of a revival and Clemens is interested but is looking for a different role. “I am teaching now and my time is limited. I’m thinking Gopher would be the right role for me.”
No. 1 Fan!
From the Hartford Courant 5/10/2012:
Inspirational!
The man who inspired Mr. Clemens is coming to town and Clemens cannot wait. “I’m even more excited than when my daughters were born!” He exclaimed; “I’ve got my Hawaiian Shirt and I’m getting ready right now!” That’s right, Mr. Clemens’ inspiration, “Weird Al” Yankovic will be performing in Waterbury on May 13th. “I’ve got back stage passes and everything!” Clemens gushed, “What a great Mother’s Day present this will be for my wife!” Clemens wished that he could perform on stage with Mr. Yankovic but even though he has swam with sharks and met aliens, Clemens was too intimidated to approach the parody singer. “He is just the embodiment of creativity,” adds Clemens, “I don’t want to mess with that energy.” He does, however, have front row seats and plans to sing along with every song the artist does.
Inspirational!
The man who inspired Mr. Clemens is coming to town and Clemens cannot wait. “I’m even more excited than when my daughters were born!” He exclaimed; “I’ve got my Hawaiian Shirt and I’m getting ready right now!” That’s right, Mr. Clemens’ inspiration, “Weird Al” Yankovic will be performing in Waterbury on May 13th. “I’ve got back stage passes and everything!” Clemens gushed, “What a great Mother’s Day present this will be for my wife!” Clemens wished that he could perform on stage with Mr. Yankovic but even though he has swam with sharks and met aliens, Clemens was too intimidated to approach the parody singer. “He is just the embodiment of creativity,” adds Clemens, “I don’t want to mess with that energy.” He does, however, have front row seats and plans to sing along with every song the artist does.
Mr. Clemens is the Muffin Man
From the Hartford Courant 5/9/2012:
Half-Baked?
Mr. Clemens likes to collect vehicles. He has his own submarine, airplane and one wheeled motorcycle, so it is no surprise that when he wanted a bicycle his choice was unique. “I love cupcakes,” Clemens explains, “The Hostess ones are my favorite.” Clemens said he bought the bike to promote his new cooking show;” or at least that is how I justified it to my wife.” Then to prove he was joking Clemens explains that cupcakes were originally called number cakes because of how easy it was to remember the measurement of ingredients and that they first appeared in America in the 19th century. They came about because the hearth ovens took a long time to bake conventional cakes. Regardless of the reason, Clemens is proud of his new bike and may be seen riding it to work when the weather is nicer.
Half-Baked?
Mr. Clemens likes to collect vehicles. He has his own submarine, airplane and one wheeled motorcycle, so it is no surprise that when he wanted a bicycle his choice was unique. “I love cupcakes,” Clemens explains, “The Hostess ones are my favorite.” Clemens said he bought the bike to promote his new cooking show;” or at least that is how I justified it to my wife.” Then to prove he was joking Clemens explains that cupcakes were originally called number cakes because of how easy it was to remember the measurement of ingredients and that they first appeared in America in the 19th century. They came about because the hearth ovens took a long time to bake conventional cakes. Regardless of the reason, Clemens is proud of his new bike and may be seen riding it to work when the weather is nicer.
Wild Thing
From the Hartford Courant 5/8/2012:
Clemens Remembers Sendak
Mr. Clemens was saddened to learn of the death of Maurice Sendak earlier this morning. Clemens was preparing for the annual Wild Things Run this June. Clemens had a “Carl” costume and was ready to go. He was also working on a musical version of Where the Wild Things Are. “Sendak inspired a whole generation,” Clemens stated,” Many children, mine included, were inspired by his work.” Clemens plans to continue to work on the musical version and promises to run even faster this June.
Clemens Remembers Sendak
Mr. Clemens was saddened to learn of the death of Maurice Sendak earlier this morning. Clemens was preparing for the annual Wild Things Run this June. Clemens had a “Carl” costume and was ready to go. He was also working on a musical version of Where the Wild Things Are. “Sendak inspired a whole generation,” Clemens stated,” Many children, mine included, were inspired by his work.” Clemens plans to continue to work on the musical version and promises to run even faster this June.
Clemens Back at Sea
From Vacation Magazine 5/8/2012:
Water, Water everywhere..
Mr. Clemens has found a way to get back into the water. With his boat being repaired after the big last month, Clemens has been going through ocean withdrawal; but all that came to an end when he signed a deal with carnival Cruise Lines. Clemens has agreed to be their new mascot. “it’s a win-win situation for us,” explains a Carnival executive,” with all the accidents lately crusies have been given a bad name. Now we have the Head of the Department of Water Safety right on our boat!” Clemens amended that statement by insisting he was there as a private citizen, not in his governmental role. “As a government employee I cannot play favorites among the cruise lines but as a private citizen I am thrilled to be back on the water.” The captain of the cruise ship has strict orders not to let Clemens near the bridge or engineering. “I’ve had relatives sail with other Clemens in the past, it never ends well,” he stated. Clemens starts his new job this weekend and then every other weekend until school lets out.
Water, Water everywhere..
Mr. Clemens has found a way to get back into the water. With his boat being repaired after the big last month, Clemens has been going through ocean withdrawal; but all that came to an end when he signed a deal with carnival Cruise Lines. Clemens has agreed to be their new mascot. “it’s a win-win situation for us,” explains a Carnival executive,” with all the accidents lately crusies have been given a bad name. Now we have the Head of the Department of Water Safety right on our boat!” Clemens amended that statement by insisting he was there as a private citizen, not in his governmental role. “As a government employee I cannot play favorites among the cruise lines but as a private citizen I am thrilled to be back on the water.” The captain of the cruise ship has strict orders not to let Clemens near the bridge or engineering. “I’ve had relatives sail with other Clemens in the past, it never ends well,” he stated. Clemens starts his new job this weekend and then every other weekend until school lets out.
Mr. Clemens Sing-a-long Lesson Plan
From Variety Magazine 5/7/2012:
Horrible Meet Hopeful
Joss Whedon, fresh off his smash hit The Avengers, has decided that the time has come for a sequel to his internet sensation, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog. In the sequel, Dr. Horrible and the Evil League of Evil (ELE) under the guidance of that criminal mastermind, Bad Horse, are launching their plan to take of the country and then the world. Only one person stands in their way, Mr. Clemens. Clemens figures the best way to stop a terror attack and a coup is through education. Clemens forms an elite corps of teachers, known as the Social Studies Department, whose job it is to educate and energize the civilian population into resisting the evil plans of Dr. Horrible and Bad Horse. The Social Studies Department has a big job ahead of them if they want to stop the ELE. Neil Patrick Harris is set to reprise his role as Dr. Horrible and Nathan Fillion promises a quick cameo so we can learn the fate of Captain Hammer, Dr. Horrible’s nemesis from the first film. Joss Whedon and team have written several new bouncy tunes for the movie including Why Civics?, Lesson Plans Are For Losers and Your Moment, Your Vote. Whedon promises a good time for all. “I am really honored to work with Joss again,” Clemens states, “And the songs he wrote are me are better than anything I did with the Village People.”
Horrible Meet Hopeful
Joss Whedon, fresh off his smash hit The Avengers, has decided that the time has come for a sequel to his internet sensation, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog. In the sequel, Dr. Horrible and the Evil League of Evil (ELE) under the guidance of that criminal mastermind, Bad Horse, are launching their plan to take of the country and then the world. Only one person stands in their way, Mr. Clemens. Clemens figures the best way to stop a terror attack and a coup is through education. Clemens forms an elite corps of teachers, known as the Social Studies Department, whose job it is to educate and energize the civilian population into resisting the evil plans of Dr. Horrible and Bad Horse. The Social Studies Department has a big job ahead of them if they want to stop the ELE. Neil Patrick Harris is set to reprise his role as Dr. Horrible and Nathan Fillion promises a quick cameo so we can learn the fate of Captain Hammer, Dr. Horrible’s nemesis from the first film. Joss Whedon and team have written several new bouncy tunes for the movie including Why Civics?, Lesson Plans Are For Losers and Your Moment, Your Vote. Whedon promises a good time for all. “I am really honored to work with Joss again,” Clemens states, “And the songs he wrote are me are better than anything I did with the Village People.”
Master Clemens
(Click to Enlarge)
From Black Belt Magazine 5/7/2012:
Clemens Invents New Fighting Style
Civics teacher Mr. Clemens won the MMA title this weekend using a new fighting form that he developed, Teaching Civics. Clemens said he was inspired by another teacher at his school; “We have a teacher, not in middle school, who is a ninja so I thought we needed one in middle school to keep the example that being a ninja personifies consistent throughout the grade levels,” Clemens explains. Clemens did not realize at the time that “Ninja” was just a well earned nickname for that teacher. Clemens set a world record for the fastest mastery of the skills of ninjitsu. He is also the first person to add a new style of fighting in many years. Clemens shared an example of Teaching Civics with us. “First you approach your opponent like you would approach a student with a hand raised. Then you point to the wall behind him as if to show him something. You do a quick pivot to point to the Declaration of Independence, or any item of historical importance, displayed on the smartboard. While you are pivoting, you position your left foot behind his right leg. You lean in as if to correct an item on his paper and you sweep his legs out from under him by bringing your left leg up and kicking through his legs.” Clemens is trying to get the insurance waivers needed to teach Teaching Civics in his civics classroom; “This way they can really stand up for their rights that they learn about in class.”
Clemens Invents New Fighting Style
Civics teacher Mr. Clemens won the MMA title this weekend using a new fighting form that he developed, Teaching Civics. Clemens said he was inspired by another teacher at his school; “We have a teacher, not in middle school, who is a ninja so I thought we needed one in middle school to keep the example that being a ninja personifies consistent throughout the grade levels,” Clemens explains. Clemens did not realize at the time that “Ninja” was just a well earned nickname for that teacher. Clemens set a world record for the fastest mastery of the skills of ninjitsu. He is also the first person to add a new style of fighting in many years. Clemens shared an example of Teaching Civics with us. “First you approach your opponent like you would approach a student with a hand raised. Then you point to the wall behind him as if to show him something. You do a quick pivot to point to the Declaration of Independence, or any item of historical importance, displayed on the smartboard. While you are pivoting, you position your left foot behind his right leg. You lean in as if to correct an item on his paper and you sweep his legs out from under him by bringing your left leg up and kicking through his legs.” Clemens is trying to get the insurance waivers needed to teach Teaching Civics in his civics classroom; “This way they can really stand up for their rights that they learn about in class.”
From the Hartford Courant 5/4/2012:
Clemens does not have a “Lack of faith” That is Disturbing Today is National Star Wars Day and no one is more excited for it than Mr. Clemens. “I have my Anakin costume and am going to one of the joint 501st/Rebel Alliance parties tonight!” Exclaims Clemens. The 501st and Rebel Alliance are both Star Wars costuming groups that do a lot of work for charity. Mr. Clemens supports their mission so much that he posed for this year’s “May the Fourth be With You” cards that the groups are sending out. “I’ve gotten a Star Wars cakes and my daughters are going as well, one is dressed like an Ewok, the other like Princess Leia. I tried to get my wife to wear my Chewbacca costume but she would not go for it.” People are encouraged to do an act of kindness to celebrate May the Fourth then enjoy the day in a Star Wars related way. “And if you think I’m going overboard,” adds Clemens with no pun intended,” you should see what Mr. Beck is doing!” |
He's a Soul Man!
From Billboard Magazine 5/3/2012:
Clemens Gets the Blues
Mr. Clemens is joining the Blues Brothers! After their very successful collaboration on the School Aid concert, Dan Aykroyd stated that he’s “getting the band back together” and asked Mr. Clemens if he wanted to join. Clemens very enthusiastically agreed and the Blues Brothers 2012 was born. Their first gig is in the Blues Brothers old stomping ground, “Sweet Home, Chicago.” Clemens was thrilled to be going to Chicago; “I love that town with all of its’ political corruption and scandal. I can get a whole years worth of civics lessons from there alone!” Besides gathering facts for civics lessons, the duo will be performing many Blues Brothers classic songs such as Soul Man, Gimme’ Some Lovin’ and Clemens’ favorite, Rubber Biscuit. The tour is scheduled to start in July and will wrap up in mid-August to give Clemens enough time to prepare to return to his beloved middle school students.
Clemens Gets the Blues
Mr. Clemens is joining the Blues Brothers! After their very successful collaboration on the School Aid concert, Dan Aykroyd stated that he’s “getting the band back together” and asked Mr. Clemens if he wanted to join. Clemens very enthusiastically agreed and the Blues Brothers 2012 was born. Their first gig is in the Blues Brothers old stomping ground, “Sweet Home, Chicago.” Clemens was thrilled to be going to Chicago; “I love that town with all of its’ political corruption and scandal. I can get a whole years worth of civics lessons from there alone!” Besides gathering facts for civics lessons, the duo will be performing many Blues Brothers classic songs such as Soul Man, Gimme’ Some Lovin’ and Clemens’ favorite, Rubber Biscuit. The tour is scheduled to start in July and will wrap up in mid-August to give Clemens enough time to prepare to return to his beloved middle school students.
Food For Thought
From TV Guide 5/2/2012
New to the Menu: Civics Food Network and the History Channel are teaming up to offer an exciting new program that brings together the best of both networks, Cooking With Civics With Mr. Clemens. On the show, Clemens will demonstrate how to prepare and cook meals while giving a history or civics lesson about the meal being prepared. The pilot episode has Clemens preparing a turkey dinner. Clemens explains the importance of the turkey in American History and uses such as examples as the fact that Ben Franklin originally wanted the turkey to be our National Bird. “The only problem is that I don’t cook,” explains Clemens, “The closest I came was when I understudied the Swedish Chef on the Muppet Show.” Food Network stars Robert Irvine and Alton Brown have a solution for that; They are going to put Mr. Clemens through a culinary boot camp once the school year finishes. “We’ve both done the show World’s Worst Cooks,” explains Irvine,” If we approach it from that perspective, I am sure we can make a cook out of Mr. Clemens.” Cooking With Civics will premiere in the fall and Mr. Clemens is really excited about it. “It is a win-win situation,” He explains, “When I am forced to have a sub they can show this program in my civics class and the students will still get the benefit of my lessons!” |
Hitting Bedrock!
From Entertainment Weekly 5/1/2012:
A Page Right Out of History!
Everybody knows that Mr. Clemens loves History, now he is becoming a part of pre-historic history; “I am playing Barney Rubble in an updated version of the Flintstones,” Clemens explains,” I’ve done a lot of research for this role; I’ve gone to a lot of museums. It’s funny that none of the museums I visited showed cavemen working on dinosaurs. I guess they did not have the resources that the research department for the Flintstones had.” The new version of the show fits in well with Clemens experiences, gone is the Slate Gravel Pit; Fred is the administrator of Slate Middle School and Barney is the History teacher (which consists of events that happened last week). “I know it is not civics but history is close. I could probably work some civics in there.” Adds Clemens. The new show is scheduled for a fall premiere.
A Page Right Out of History!
Everybody knows that Mr. Clemens loves History, now he is becoming a part of pre-historic history; “I am playing Barney Rubble in an updated version of the Flintstones,” Clemens explains,” I’ve done a lot of research for this role; I’ve gone to a lot of museums. It’s funny that none of the museums I visited showed cavemen working on dinosaurs. I guess they did not have the resources that the research department for the Flintstones had.” The new version of the show fits in well with Clemens experiences, gone is the Slate Gravel Pit; Fred is the administrator of Slate Middle School and Barney is the History teacher (which consists of events that happened last week). “I know it is not civics but history is close. I could probably work some civics in there.” Adds Clemens. The new show is scheduled for a fall premiere.
Wanna be Startin' Something
From Billboard Magazine 4/30/2012:
School Aid!
There has been Band Aid, Live Aid and Farm Aid, now Mr. Clemens feels it is time for School Aid. “there’s concerts for everything these days,” states Mr. Clemens, “there have even been a few to benefit me.” Clemens feels that musicians can do what politicians cannot, properly fund education. Clemens is scheduled to co-host the event this weekend with long time Clemens fan, Dan Aykroyd. Clemens, seen here posing with the late Michael Jackson, is a well known Jackson impersonator and promises to do his act as the finale to the show because “We all know how much Michael loved school aged children.” Clemens promises to do some of his signature songs but insists the rumors that he is reuniting with the Village People for this concert are untrue. Clemens has signed many big name bands and will join some of them onstage, especially the Rolling Stones who will be performing from Clemens: The Musical.
School Aid!
There has been Band Aid, Live Aid and Farm Aid, now Mr. Clemens feels it is time for School Aid. “there’s concerts for everything these days,” states Mr. Clemens, “there have even been a few to benefit me.” Clemens feels that musicians can do what politicians cannot, properly fund education. Clemens is scheduled to co-host the event this weekend with long time Clemens fan, Dan Aykroyd. Clemens, seen here posing with the late Michael Jackson, is a well known Jackson impersonator and promises to do his act as the finale to the show because “We all know how much Michael loved school aged children.” Clemens promises to do some of his signature songs but insists the rumors that he is reuniting with the Village People for this concert are untrue. Clemens has signed many big name bands and will join some of them onstage, especially the Rolling Stones who will be performing from Clemens: The Musical.
DJ Classy Clemens
From the Hartford Courant 4/27/2012:
You Spin Me Right Round!
Local civics teacher, Mr. Clemens, finds himself with a lot of time on his hands. He just finished school and is trying different hobbies to fill the time. One of his favorite hobbies is DJ-ing. “I love to DJ old school,” Clemens elaborates,” One of my passions is music and I like to go to the local clubs and share that passion with the kids.” Clemens has become one of the more popular DJs in the Hartford area and has bookings for many Sweet Sixteen parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Clemens style is to mix up the new and the old, All-American Rejects, LMFAO, and Lady Gaga gets mixed with the Village People (a personal favorite),ELO, and the Electric Mayhem. “Can you picture that?” Asks Clemens. “And I plan to do a lot more now that I’ve got my degree! Just call me DJ CT 092!”
You Spin Me Right Round!
Local civics teacher, Mr. Clemens, finds himself with a lot of time on his hands. He just finished school and is trying different hobbies to fill the time. One of his favorite hobbies is DJ-ing. “I love to DJ old school,” Clemens elaborates,” One of my passions is music and I like to go to the local clubs and share that passion with the kids.” Clemens has become one of the more popular DJs in the Hartford area and has bookings for many Sweet Sixteen parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Clemens style is to mix up the new and the old, All-American Rejects, LMFAO, and Lady Gaga gets mixed with the Village People (a personal favorite),ELO, and the Electric Mayhem. “Can you picture that?” Asks Clemens. “And I plan to do a lot more now that I’ve got my degree! Just call me DJ CT 092!”
The Clemens Crusher!
From People Magazine 4/26/2012:
Before They Were Stars!
Before Mr. Clemens became a famous civics teacher he had to take a lot of odd jobs. One of the oddest was a brief stint as a professional wrestler, the Clemens Crusher. “This was back before the Pandas took back the name WWF,” Clemens explained, “When wrestlers like Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan were the heroes of the day.” Back then every wrestler had a gimmick, Mr. Clemens’ gimmick was hiding a civics text book in a corner of the ring and reading wrestlers portions of the Constitution while they were pinned. If they did not stay down, he used the book to bludgeon them. “I was very happy in those days but a lot of wrestling is theater and I got bitten by the acting and teaching bug.” And as we all know Clemens went on to be a big success at both jobs.
Before They Were Stars!
Before Mr. Clemens became a famous civics teacher he had to take a lot of odd jobs. One of the oddest was a brief stint as a professional wrestler, the Clemens Crusher. “This was back before the Pandas took back the name WWF,” Clemens explained, “When wrestlers like Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan were the heroes of the day.” Back then every wrestler had a gimmick, Mr. Clemens’ gimmick was hiding a civics text book in a corner of the ring and reading wrestlers portions of the Constitution while they were pinned. If they did not stay down, he used the book to bludgeon them. “I was very happy in those days but a lot of wrestling is theater and I got bitten by the acting and teaching bug.” And as we all know Clemens went on to be a big success at both jobs.
Truly Outrageous!
From TV Guide 4/25/2012:
He’s a real Jem!
Jem and the Holograms are returning to Saturday Morning television. The popular pop series from the eighties has returned but the band has its’ first male Hologram, Mr. Clemens. Clemens promised to lend his vocal and singing talent to the show when it returns in the fall. “I have to admit I was a Jem fan,” Clemens states enthusiastically, “I used to sing along with songs by both Jem and the Misfits. Working on this series was like a dream come true.” After disco, eighties pop is Mr. Clemens favorite genre of music. “I tried to get the other member of the Social Studies department to join the show as a new Misfit but he did not quite have the singing voice or enthusiasm for the show that I do.” Clemens adds that he hopes his daughters become “Jem Girls” and that the show lasts longer than the three season run it enjoyed back in 1985.
He’s a real Jem!
Jem and the Holograms are returning to Saturday Morning television. The popular pop series from the eighties has returned but the band has its’ first male Hologram, Mr. Clemens. Clemens promised to lend his vocal and singing talent to the show when it returns in the fall. “I have to admit I was a Jem fan,” Clemens states enthusiastically, “I used to sing along with songs by both Jem and the Misfits. Working on this series was like a dream come true.” After disco, eighties pop is Mr. Clemens favorite genre of music. “I tried to get the other member of the Social Studies department to join the show as a new Misfit but he did not quite have the singing voice or enthusiasm for the show that I do.” Clemens adds that he hopes his daughters become “Jem Girls” and that the show lasts longer than the three season run it enjoyed back in 1985.
Clemens in Carbonite
From the Hartford Courant 4/24/2012:
Clemens Out Again Mr. Clemens was once again absent from work yesterday. Knowing only something really horrible would keep him away from middle school many rumors abound. One of the more popular ones was that he was frozen in carbonite and taken away by Boba Fett. Another rumor was that he is Boba Fett and he called in sick because he fell into the Sarlac Pit after turning Han Solo over to Jabba the Hutt. It should be noted that most of those rumors were started by Mr. Beck. “The real reason is much simpler than that,” Clemens explains, “I was on a secret mission for the CIA, a joint operation with Mossad, MI6 and The United Federation of Civics Teachers, a secret society. It would be putting my life and the lives of my students at risk to elaborate further.” Clemens did go on to add that the mission was a huge success with international repercussions and that he will be back in the classroom today. |
Kicking Ash
From the Hartford Courant 4/23/2012:
Gotta’ Catch ‘em All!
So how do form a sports team in a school with no athletic department and little resources? Mr. Clemens found the answer, you start a Pokemon Team. Mr. Clemens created Pokemon: Civics League. “What makes my league different from existing Pokemon Leagues is that mine has a basis in reality,” states Clemens. An example of this would be the Lawyer Pokemon. It starts off chasing ambulances but it can evolve into a lobbyist and then into a Presidential Cabinet Member. The same is true for Local Politician, it goes from hand shakes in parking lots to its’ evolved forms of Financial Scandal Senator and finally Goldman Sachs CEO. “I think this will be a lot of fun for the children,” Clemens adds. There has been no one signed up for the League as of yet.
Gotta’ Catch ‘em All!
So how do form a sports team in a school with no athletic department and little resources? Mr. Clemens found the answer, you start a Pokemon Team. Mr. Clemens created Pokemon: Civics League. “What makes my league different from existing Pokemon Leagues is that mine has a basis in reality,” states Clemens. An example of this would be the Lawyer Pokemon. It starts off chasing ambulances but it can evolve into a lobbyist and then into a Presidential Cabinet Member. The same is true for Local Politician, it goes from hand shakes in parking lots to its’ evolved forms of Financial Scandal Senator and finally Goldman Sachs CEO. “I think this will be a lot of fun for the children,” Clemens adds. There has been no one signed up for the League as of yet.
Clemens Rocks!
From the Hartford Courant 4/22/2012:
Earth Day: Clemens’ Style
All around the state today, many people are celebrating Earth Day. Disregarding that because of all of the promotional material printed surrounding Earth Day that pollution is actually up, Mr. Clemens is celebrating it in his own way as well. Clemens is giving a special concert of songs from the new SchoolHouse Rocks: Earth. Clemens will be singing the Energy song plus other environmentally friendly songs but, being Mr. Clemens, he will be singing the Preamble Song and I’m Only a Bill, but the real show stopper is (Solar) Power to the People. A good time is guaranteed for all so be sure to check it out.
Earth Day: Clemens’ Style
All around the state today, many people are celebrating Earth Day. Disregarding that because of all of the promotional material printed surrounding Earth Day that pollution is actually up, Mr. Clemens is celebrating it in his own way as well. Clemens is giving a special concert of songs from the new SchoolHouse Rocks: Earth. Clemens will be singing the Energy song plus other environmentally friendly songs but, being Mr. Clemens, he will be singing the Preamble Song and I’m Only a Bill, but the real show stopper is (Solar) Power to the People. A good time is guaranteed for all so be sure to check it out.
Uncle Clemens
From the Hartford Courant 4/20/2012:
He wants You..to Learn Civics A National Icon is getting an upgrade it has not gotten in years, Uncle Sam is getting a new face. Due to the civic responsibility he has been teaching and being an inspiration to the nation, Mr. Clemens is to become the new face for Uncle Sam. “I am tremendously honored,” states Clemens, “but the pants really itch.” Posters bearing Clemens visage are set to start rolling out as early as next month and an Uncle Clemens action figure is planned to hit shelves by the Fourth of July. Clemens says he will not let his duties as Uncle Clemens interfere with his teaching as “the outfit has a tie and is civics oriented so I can wear it to work and do both jobs at once.” Some critics are beginning to wonder if Clemens can handle it all between being an actor, an author, an astronaut, National Icon, the Head of the Department of Water Safety, a restaurateur, a musician, an inventor and, of course, a teacher. “It is important to have hobbies because teaching can be stressful and is not for everyone.” |
Obama Gets a Clue
From the Washington Post 4/19/2012:
Obama Taken by Surprise
President Obama was mildly surprised and amused this morning when he turned his television on and saw that his head of the Department of Water Safety was on television hosting the popular TV show, Blues Clues. “Of course I recognized Mr. Clemens right away,” the President said, “The man wears green almost every day.” A big point of this administration has been reaching out to children to educate them about their country, from the First Lady’s appearance on ICarly to Mr. Clemens most recent appearance on Nick Jr. Clemens is having Blue discover clues about America’s most sacred documents. “If a dog can solve mysteries it should know its’ Constitutional rights!” Exclaims Clemens, “Whether it is Underdog, Scooby-Doo or Blue, if a Canine American is going to interact with the public in an authoritarian way, that dog needs to know what lines it cannot cross. Do you know how many times Scooby has violated the Fourth Amendment with illegal search and seizures?” Clemens plans to introduce all young viewers to the Bill of Rights. “After all,” he says,” it is their right.”
Obama Taken by Surprise
President Obama was mildly surprised and amused this morning when he turned his television on and saw that his head of the Department of Water Safety was on television hosting the popular TV show, Blues Clues. “Of course I recognized Mr. Clemens right away,” the President said, “The man wears green almost every day.” A big point of this administration has been reaching out to children to educate them about their country, from the First Lady’s appearance on ICarly to Mr. Clemens most recent appearance on Nick Jr. Clemens is having Blue discover clues about America’s most sacred documents. “If a dog can solve mysteries it should know its’ Constitutional rights!” Exclaims Clemens, “Whether it is Underdog, Scooby-Doo or Blue, if a Canine American is going to interact with the public in an authoritarian way, that dog needs to know what lines it cannot cross. Do you know how many times Scooby has violated the Fourth Amendment with illegal search and seizures?” Clemens plans to introduce all young viewers to the Bill of Rights. “After all,” he says,” it is their right.”
Original Clemens Recipe
From the Hartford Courant 4/18/2012:
Kentucky Fried Crazy?
Leave it to Mr. Clemens to combine two of America’s favorite pastimes, eating and learning civics. That’s right, Mr. Clemens is opening up his own fast food franchise, Klemens Fried Civics. “I think this idea is really going to take off,” states Mr. Clemens,” People get to eat some really good food they will have civics trivia printed on the napkins, the cups and even the bottom of the bucket.” So why is Klemens spelled with a “K”? “I got a great deal on the buckets from the people who make them for Kentucky Fried Chicken,” Clemens explains, “And spelling civics with a “K” is just plain weird.” It should be noted that Klemens Fried Civics does limit itself to just chicken. “We’ll fry just about anything for people who want to learn about civics,” adds Clemens. The first branch is opening on Franklin Avenue in Hartford. “That way I can go there for lunch with my co-workers!” Exclaims Clemens.
Kentucky Fried Crazy?
Leave it to Mr. Clemens to combine two of America’s favorite pastimes, eating and learning civics. That’s right, Mr. Clemens is opening up his own fast food franchise, Klemens Fried Civics. “I think this idea is really going to take off,” states Mr. Clemens,” People get to eat some really good food they will have civics trivia printed on the napkins, the cups and even the bottom of the bucket.” So why is Klemens spelled with a “K”? “I got a great deal on the buckets from the people who make them for Kentucky Fried Chicken,” Clemens explains, “And spelling civics with a “K” is just plain weird.” It should be noted that Klemens Fried Civics does limit itself to just chicken. “We’ll fry just about anything for people who want to learn about civics,” adds Clemens. The first branch is opening on Franklin Avenue in Hartford. “That way I can go there for lunch with my co-workers!” Exclaims Clemens.
Clemens Clown College
From the Hartford Courant 4/17/2012:
Make ‘Em Laugh! Naylor Leadership Academy is always reaching out to the community. Leading that outreach is Mr. Clemens. Last year he taught a Saturday class on Citizenship. This year he has agreed to teach another class starting with a “C”, clowning. That’s right, on Saturdays, during the summer, people will be able to attend the Clemens Clown College because “laughter is almost as important as civics,” states Mr. Clemens, “I started clowning at my daughter’s fifth birthday party and you can see how happy she is.” Clemens says he is going to start with basic pratfalls then move onto squirting flowers and seltzer bottles. For the really advanced students he will instruct them on balloon animals and floppy shoe walks. “I will not teach them how to juggle, however,” adds Mr. Clemens, “at least until the concussion has gone.” Space is limited to sign up today! |
Don't Underestimate the Power of the Pink Side!
From Comics Weekly 4/16/2012:
New Twist on Old Villain!
Mr. Clemens introduces a new villain in the current arc of his Kittyman series, Darth Kitty. Darth Kitty is the evil new bad guy Kittyman is going to have to face in upcoming episodes. What’s worse is Darth Kitty turns out to be Kittyman’s long lost twin brother. It is going to be a hard role for Mr. Clemens to pull off as he is playing both roles but thinks that the superhero for girls’ role is worth the hard work. “It isn’t easy getting into those tights but now I have that hot, plastic armor as well,” explains Clemens, “but if it turns one little girl on to the power of positive thinking and the necessity of civics, then I will wear both costumes with pride!” There has been no comment yet from Lucasfilm about possible copyright infringement. Lucas, the founder of Edutopia, has been a long time supporter of civics and Mr. Clemens so would probably give his blessing. Both Kittyman and Darth Kitty costumes should be on store shelves in time for Halloween.
New Twist on Old Villain!
Mr. Clemens introduces a new villain in the current arc of his Kittyman series, Darth Kitty. Darth Kitty is the evil new bad guy Kittyman is going to have to face in upcoming episodes. What’s worse is Darth Kitty turns out to be Kittyman’s long lost twin brother. It is going to be a hard role for Mr. Clemens to pull off as he is playing both roles but thinks that the superhero for girls’ role is worth the hard work. “It isn’t easy getting into those tights but now I have that hot, plastic armor as well,” explains Clemens, “but if it turns one little girl on to the power of positive thinking and the necessity of civics, then I will wear both costumes with pride!” There has been no comment yet from Lucasfilm about possible copyright infringement. Lucas, the founder of Edutopia, has been a long time supporter of civics and Mr. Clemens so would probably give his blessing. Both Kittyman and Darth Kitty costumes should be on store shelves in time for Halloween.
Greatest American Clemens
From TV Guide 4/16/2012:
Clemens is Flying High
After the cancellation of his new Knight Rider, Mr. Clemens makes a quick turn around and is back on the television screen. This time Clemens is re-working The Greatest American Hero. The original show was about a special education teacher who finds a super suit and teams up with an FBI agent to solve crimes. Clemens version is not too different. It is about a civics teacher who teams up with a former Navy Seal to solve crimes. “My American Hero will use his powers less than the original one,” Clemens explains, “He will use his vast civics knowledge to solve most problems. He will also use his middle school students more and make them active participants both in their education and crime solving.” Clemens new show, coincidentally airs in the exact spot that his departing Knight Rider will vacate. “If this show does not sustain itself, there are other shows I can make civics based real easy. I was thinking of Law & Order: Civics Teacher. There is always room for one more Law & Order,” states Clemens.
Clemens is Flying High
After the cancellation of his new Knight Rider, Mr. Clemens makes a quick turn around and is back on the television screen. This time Clemens is re-working The Greatest American Hero. The original show was about a special education teacher who finds a super suit and teams up with an FBI agent to solve crimes. Clemens version is not too different. It is about a civics teacher who teams up with a former Navy Seal to solve crimes. “My American Hero will use his powers less than the original one,” Clemens explains, “He will use his vast civics knowledge to solve most problems. He will also use his middle school students more and make them active participants both in their education and crime solving.” Clemens new show, coincidentally airs in the exact spot that his departing Knight Rider will vacate. “If this show does not sustain itself, there are other shows I can make civics based real easy. I was thinking of Law & Order: Civics Teacher. There is always room for one more Law & Order,” states Clemens.
He's King of the World..Almost
From Variety 4/13/2012:
A Rose by Any Other Name
A lot has been happening for the 100th anniversary of the Titanic. There is a commemorative cruise, special ebay auctions and the re-release of the blockbuster film in 3D. With all the hoopla going on it is interesting to note that connections have been found between the Titanic and the Clemens family. First came the revelation that the Titanic captain was actually a Clemens and now we can reveal that Mr. Clemens auditioned for the role of Jack in the blockbuster movie. “I felt I had to try to honor my relative,” Clemens explains about the audition, “I have no hard feelings that it went to Leo.” Clemens went to suggest that director James Cameron cast Leo because he was afraid to have a Clemens around all that water. Clemens is not bitter but states that the film would have been nominated for a Best Actor Academy Award if he played the part. Clemens did remain tied to the movie, uncredited, he co-wrote the song, My Heart Will Go On, with James Horner.
A Rose by Any Other Name
A lot has been happening for the 100th anniversary of the Titanic. There is a commemorative cruise, special ebay auctions and the re-release of the blockbuster film in 3D. With all the hoopla going on it is interesting to note that connections have been found between the Titanic and the Clemens family. First came the revelation that the Titanic captain was actually a Clemens and now we can reveal that Mr. Clemens auditioned for the role of Jack in the blockbuster movie. “I felt I had to try to honor my relative,” Clemens explains about the audition, “I have no hard feelings that it went to Leo.” Clemens went to suggest that director James Cameron cast Leo because he was afraid to have a Clemens around all that water. Clemens is not bitter but states that the film would have been nominated for a Best Actor Academy Award if he played the part. Clemens did remain tied to the movie, uncredited, he co-wrote the song, My Heart Will Go On, with James Horner.
Titanic Mistake
From Time Magazine Special Issue 4/13/2012:
Early Picture of Edward Smith Found! As the 100th Anniversary of the launch and sinking of the Titanic approaches many historical documents have been brought to light about that fatal voyage. One such document was a picture of Captain Edward Smith before he grew his iconic beard. It turns out that Smith was a Clemens. "It's true," confesses Mr. Clemens, "Smith was a Clemens. Because of the curse, a lot of companies would not take aboard a sailor with Clemens for a surname. Edward changed his to the very generic Smith and had a very successful nautical career." Perhaps Mr. Clemens' definition of successful is not the same as the rest of the worlds'. There is little wonder then why the captain went down with the ship, Clemens have been lost at sea since records were kept."The beard really wasn't much of a disguise looking back on it." Mr. Clemens said of his relation, "But I understand why he did it." |
Keep Them Doggies Movin', Clemens
From the Hartford Courant 4/12/2012:
Clemens Instructs Staff on How to Deal With Difficult Students
For any school teacher going to a PD day is all about what you can bring back to your school. Mr. Clemens brought back a new way to return students to class and manage difficult classroom behaviors. “Let’s face it,” He explains, “We can’t all teach civics so those that don’t need new skills to prevent students from leaving the classroom.” Clemens got such instruction at his Culture and Climate PD. Clemens then took the staff out and showed them how to wrangle cattle. “I know this will work, after all, many of the people who make education law want us to treat the students like cattle so it is win-win.” Although Clemens’ demonstration was interesting and thought provoking, administration has decided not to implement it; “yet,” adds Mr. Clemens.
Clemens Instructs Staff on How to Deal With Difficult Students
For any school teacher going to a PD day is all about what you can bring back to your school. Mr. Clemens brought back a new way to return students to class and manage difficult classroom behaviors. “Let’s face it,” He explains, “We can’t all teach civics so those that don’t need new skills to prevent students from leaving the classroom.” Clemens got such instruction at his Culture and Climate PD. Clemens then took the staff out and showed them how to wrangle cattle. “I know this will work, after all, many of the people who make education law want us to treat the students like cattle so it is win-win.” Although Clemens’ demonstration was interesting and thought provoking, administration has decided not to implement it; “yet,” adds Mr. Clemens.
Civics Slicker
From the Hartford Courant 4/11/2012:
Ride 'Em in, Clemens!
Mr. Clemens was recently assigned to attend a Professional Development Workshop on Culture and Climate but to the surprise of almost everyone, he did not attend. So where was he for those two days? Courant reporters found him at the Epic Trails City Slicker Experience. The Epic Trails City Slicker Experience was made famous by the movie of the same name. Clemens insisted that this was the PD he was assigned to. "I was assigned to study culture and climate," Clemens explained, "and that's what I did. I chose to study the cowboy culture and man, what a beautiful climate to study it in." One of the purposes of the assigned PD was to find a way to boost morale and buy in in staff. "It sure boosted my morale," elaborated Clemens, "and I did learn a lot of useful things. I believe if we all buy in we can herd the middle schoolers like cattle." Clemens is expected to take the correct Culture and Climate workshop when it is offered again. "I still maintain that I went to the right one and staff can learn a lot of practices that they can implement right away."
Ride 'Em in, Clemens!
Mr. Clemens was recently assigned to attend a Professional Development Workshop on Culture and Climate but to the surprise of almost everyone, he did not attend. So where was he for those two days? Courant reporters found him at the Epic Trails City Slicker Experience. The Epic Trails City Slicker Experience was made famous by the movie of the same name. Clemens insisted that this was the PD he was assigned to. "I was assigned to study culture and climate," Clemens explained, "and that's what I did. I chose to study the cowboy culture and man, what a beautiful climate to study it in." One of the purposes of the assigned PD was to find a way to boost morale and buy in in staff. "It sure boosted my morale," elaborated Clemens, "and I did learn a lot of useful things. I believe if we all buy in we can herd the middle schoolers like cattle." Clemens is expected to take the correct Culture and Climate workshop when it is offered again. "I still maintain that I went to the right one and staff can learn a lot of practices that they can implement right away."
You've Been Spammed!
From the Hartford Courant 4/10/2012:
Clemens Resigns as SPAM Spokesman!
Mr. Clemens today ended his brief career as the SPAM spokesman, citing animal cruelty issues. "I just couldn't get over what they were doing to those poor creatures." Clemens lamented. Today Clemens found out that SPAM stands for Scientifically Produced Animal Matter. "The SPAM is a living creature," explained Clemens, "It has no hair, eyes or limbs which is why so few people want them as pets." Clemens now plans to spend his free time informing people of the horrible living conditions SPAM is raised in. "They engineer it in the can," he elaborate, "It grows in there and eventually dies in there. It spends it's whole life just being raised to be eaten. You expect that of cows and chickens but not of SPAM." Clemens plans a SPAM boycott until their living conditions are improved. "I couldn't get them on the endangered species list as I was told there are millions of them in supermarkets everywhere." He urges people to stop frying up SPAM and stick to ham instead, "At least the pig had a shot at life."
Clemens Resigns as SPAM Spokesman!
Mr. Clemens today ended his brief career as the SPAM spokesman, citing animal cruelty issues. "I just couldn't get over what they were doing to those poor creatures." Clemens lamented. Today Clemens found out that SPAM stands for Scientifically Produced Animal Matter. "The SPAM is a living creature," explained Clemens, "It has no hair, eyes or limbs which is why so few people want them as pets." Clemens now plans to spend his free time informing people of the horrible living conditions SPAM is raised in. "They engineer it in the can," he elaborate, "It grows in there and eventually dies in there. It spends it's whole life just being raised to be eaten. You expect that of cows and chickens but not of SPAM." Clemens plans a SPAM boycott until their living conditions are improved. "I couldn't get them on the endangered species list as I was told there are millions of them in supermarkets everywhere." He urges people to stop frying up SPAM and stick to ham instead, "At least the pig had a shot at life."
Captain Clem-man!
From TV Guide 4/9/2012:
Old Series Gets a New Face Lift
Mr. Clemens is taking another shot at childrens' television. This time he is bringing back long time favorite Captain Caveman. In this incarnation, however, Captain Caveman is not solving mysteries. "Caveman times is really the birth of civics," Mr. Clemens explains, "It is the first tribal societies and the first society to have a social hierarchy." That's right, Clemens plans to use Captain Caveman as a way to show children how civics has evolved over the ages. "It's perfect," elaborates Clemens, "The Captain has all the knowledge and experience from cave man times, then, when he thawed out in our time, he can compare and contrast governing systems and societal norms." We wish Clemens luck that children find the new Captain Caveman as exciting as Mr. Clemens does.
Old Series Gets a New Face Lift
Mr. Clemens is taking another shot at childrens' television. This time he is bringing back long time favorite Captain Caveman. In this incarnation, however, Captain Caveman is not solving mysteries. "Caveman times is really the birth of civics," Mr. Clemens explains, "It is the first tribal societies and the first society to have a social hierarchy." That's right, Clemens plans to use Captain Caveman as a way to show children how civics has evolved over the ages. "It's perfect," elaborates Clemens, "The Captain has all the knowledge and experience from cave man times, then, when he thawed out in our time, he can compare and contrast governing systems and societal norms." We wish Clemens luck that children find the new Captain Caveman as exciting as Mr. Clemens does.
Hoping to it!
From the Hartford Courant 4/7/2012:
Easter Comes Early!
Since Mr. Clemens is singing with the Wiggles on Easter Sunday, he has decided to celebrate Easter a day early. Clemens, dressed as the Easter Bunny, decided to give his children and the neighboring children a sneak peek at the civics eggs he is going to hand out at the concert. Each egg features a picture of Clemens on the outside, from various stages in his career (a sample of which can be seen below). Inside the egg children will find fun facts from civics or even a few replicas of historical documents such as the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. “What could be greater for a young mind?” Clemens asks, “Chocolate or candy is fleeting but knowledge can last forever. I think I know which one they would prefer.” The neighborhood children may not quite agree but they have had an extraordinarily good time smashing the eggs into pieces. “I guess they just can’t wait to get more knowledge!” Clemens insists.
Easter Comes Early!
Since Mr. Clemens is singing with the Wiggles on Easter Sunday, he has decided to celebrate Easter a day early. Clemens, dressed as the Easter Bunny, decided to give his children and the neighboring children a sneak peek at the civics eggs he is going to hand out at the concert. Each egg features a picture of Clemens on the outside, from various stages in his career (a sample of which can be seen below). Inside the egg children will find fun facts from civics or even a few replicas of historical documents such as the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. “What could be greater for a young mind?” Clemens asks, “Chocolate or candy is fleeting but knowledge can last forever. I think I know which one they would prefer.” The neighborhood children may not quite agree but they have had an extraordinarily good time smashing the eggs into pieces. “I guess they just can’t wait to get more knowledge!” Clemens insists.
Twist and Shout
From the Hartford Courant 4/5/2012:
Twistin’ the Night Away
Last night in Hartford the statewide Twister championships were held. First place went to none other than Mr. Clemens. Clemens, a lifelong Twister player, could not resist the lure of competing for the state title. “I’m surprised I won,” Clemens admits, “There was a right foot green, left hand yellow that I did not think I would be able to pull off.” Not only did Clemens pull it off but the move earned him a spot in the National Championships in the summer. “I am truly humbled. I only hope that one day Twister will be recognized as the sport of skill and dexterity that it is and take its’ place among the Olympic game.” Clemens said from the award podium. If it does become an Olympic sport, Mr. Clemens has volunteered to coach the team.
Twistin’ the Night Away
Last night in Hartford the statewide Twister championships were held. First place went to none other than Mr. Clemens. Clemens, a lifelong Twister player, could not resist the lure of competing for the state title. “I’m surprised I won,” Clemens admits, “There was a right foot green, left hand yellow that I did not think I would be able to pull off.” Not only did Clemens pull it off but the move earned him a spot in the National Championships in the summer. “I am truly humbled. I only hope that one day Twister will be recognized as the sport of skill and dexterity that it is and take its’ place among the Olympic game.” Clemens said from the award podium. If it does become an Olympic sport, Mr. Clemens has volunteered to coach the team.
Power to the PeepleFrom Candy World 4/4/2012:
Hangin’ with his Peeps Just in time for Easter comes a new twist on an old favorite Clemens Peeps. The Just Born Company, the maker of Peeps wanted to honor Mr. Clemens for all the work he has done using Peeps. Clemens has been using Peeps for years to highlight important events in Civics such as the Boston Peep Party, World War Peep and, most recently, the Occupy Wall Peep protests. “I am truly honored by this, “Clemens admitted, “My wife always said I was a big marshmallow on the inside. I guess this proves her right.” |
New Set of Wheel?
From Inventor’s Weekly 4/4/2012:
His Latest Mode of Transportation
Local civics teacher and inventor Mr. Clemens has done it again. First was the Civics Wet Suit then the Clemens Helicopter Hat, now he has a new way to get around and save gas, the Clemens’ Wheel Bike. “I got the idea from General Grievous in Star Wars,” Clemens explains, “ He had that cool ride that only had one wheel and I thought that must get great gas mileage.” So Clemens went to work and a few years later has a prototype ready to roll. “Just in time too with gas prices what they are.” Clemens added, “The only downside is that you can’t pop a wheelie on one wheel.” Clemens is considering adding a retractable wheel for just that purpose because not only does it have to be fun, “you have to look cool doing it too.”
His Latest Mode of Transportation
Local civics teacher and inventor Mr. Clemens has done it again. First was the Civics Wet Suit then the Clemens Helicopter Hat, now he has a new way to get around and save gas, the Clemens’ Wheel Bike. “I got the idea from General Grievous in Star Wars,” Clemens explains, “ He had that cool ride that only had one wheel and I thought that must get great gas mileage.” So Clemens went to work and a few years later has a prototype ready to roll. “Just in time too with gas prices what they are.” Clemens added, “The only downside is that you can’t pop a wheelie on one wheel.” Clemens is considering adding a retractable wheel for just that purpose because not only does it have to be fun, “you have to look cool doing it too.”
Conan, The Administrator
From Entertainment Weekly 4/3/2012:
Conan Returns!
For his latest epic Mr. Clemens is once again bringing a classic character back in a re-tooled fashion, this time it is Conan, the Barbarian. Only in this outing Conan is not a barbarian but an administrator. In the new version, Conan has just gotten his administrator’s license and is ready to take on America’s public school system. Conan’s first stop is inner city, New Jersey, just like his role model, Joe Clark. The only difference is Clark had a baseball bat and Conan has a sword. “It is the perfect vehicle for Conan,” explains Clemens, “He is a bold, yet outdated character. He has the skills to be very successful at what he does but lacks the background. It would only make sense that he would have to get a license to do what he does. He has to stand his ground, fight bureaucracy and cut through red tape, hence the sword.” Clemens plans on playing the role himself; “I will have my license very soon and I already have the Broadsword.” Clemens also adds it only makes sense that he play the role since Arnold is too old and he wrote and is planning to direct it anyway. You can bet when he says “heads will roll”, he means it. Conan, the Administrator is scheduled for a 2013 release.
Conan Returns!
For his latest epic Mr. Clemens is once again bringing a classic character back in a re-tooled fashion, this time it is Conan, the Barbarian. Only in this outing Conan is not a barbarian but an administrator. In the new version, Conan has just gotten his administrator’s license and is ready to take on America’s public school system. Conan’s first stop is inner city, New Jersey, just like his role model, Joe Clark. The only difference is Clark had a baseball bat and Conan has a sword. “It is the perfect vehicle for Conan,” explains Clemens, “He is a bold, yet outdated character. He has the skills to be very successful at what he does but lacks the background. It would only make sense that he would have to get a license to do what he does. He has to stand his ground, fight bureaucracy and cut through red tape, hence the sword.” Clemens plans on playing the role himself; “I will have my license very soon and I already have the Broadsword.” Clemens also adds it only makes sense that he play the role since Arnold is too old and he wrote and is planning to direct it anyway. You can bet when he says “heads will roll”, he means it. Conan, the Administrator is scheduled for a 2013 release.
Ready to Wiggle
From the Hartford Courant 4/3/2012:
Hot Potato for Local Teacher
Local Civics teacher, Mr. Clemens, will be doing double duty this weekend when the Wiggles come to town for a special Easter concert. "I am a big fan of the Wiggles!," gushes Mr. Clemens, "I bought tickets the minute they went on sale!" Unfortunately the Yellow Wiggle, Sam, got sick and the concert was going to be canceled. "I couldn't allow that to happen," explains Clemens, "think of all the disappointed kids. I would be disappointed too." So Clemens contacted the theater and explained that he had some musical experience and knew all of the Wiggles songs by heart. Jeff, Murray and Anthony agreed and Mr. Clemens will be the fourth Wiggle this coming weekend. "This is the best thing that has ever happened to me!" Clemens shouted, "except for getting married and having kids." he added quickly after asking the Courant not to print that comment. So Wiggles fans and Clemens fans will have a special treat on Easter Sunday. "I'll even hand out civics eggs." Clemens stated and said he would explain that comment as the day got closer.
Hot Potato for Local Teacher
Local Civics teacher, Mr. Clemens, will be doing double duty this weekend when the Wiggles come to town for a special Easter concert. "I am a big fan of the Wiggles!," gushes Mr. Clemens, "I bought tickets the minute they went on sale!" Unfortunately the Yellow Wiggle, Sam, got sick and the concert was going to be canceled. "I couldn't allow that to happen," explains Clemens, "think of all the disappointed kids. I would be disappointed too." So Clemens contacted the theater and explained that he had some musical experience and knew all of the Wiggles songs by heart. Jeff, Murray and Anthony agreed and Mr. Clemens will be the fourth Wiggle this coming weekend. "This is the best thing that has ever happened to me!" Clemens shouted, "except for getting married and having kids." he added quickly after asking the Courant not to print that comment. So Wiggles fans and Clemens fans will have a special treat on Easter Sunday. "I'll even hand out civics eggs." Clemens stated and said he would explain that comment as the day got closer.
Close but Still Got the Cigar..
From the Hartford Courant 4/1/2012:
Tragedy at Sea After a long, hard fought race, Team Clemens takes second place in the First Annual Clemens Memorial Race. It looked like Team Clemens was going to win, they had the lead and the skills to keep it but for some reason the whole team fell overboard as the boat was nearing the finish line. “I don’t know what happened,” confesses one team member, “it was almost as if something pushed me into the water.” Mr. Clemens seemed prepared for the incident, however. He can be seen here waiting for rescue, checking out the stock market for his next civics lesson. “It’s the Clemens Curse,” Mr. Clemens explained, “I never really believed in it before but after a lot of recent incidents I have to believe it is true.” What is the Clemens Curse? Mr. Clemens refused to elaborate but independent research has discovered what it is. That report can be found here. |
Jump Start
From the Hartford Courant 3/31/2012:
Jumping Right In
As Team Clemens struggles to hold onto second place as the race enters the water phase, Mr. Clemens splits his team. Part of the team which had a lead started the boat race already. Mr. Clemens and the remaining team members have found a unique way to make up for lost time, they are diving right from the Zeppelin to the water to be picked up by one of the boats. We will find out tomorrow if this strategy will be enough for Team Clemens to regain the lead or not.
Jumping Right In
As Team Clemens struggles to hold onto second place as the race enters the water phase, Mr. Clemens splits his team. Part of the team which had a lead started the boat race already. Mr. Clemens and the remaining team members have found a unique way to make up for lost time, they are diving right from the Zeppelin to the water to be picked up by one of the boats. We will find out tomorrow if this strategy will be enough for Team Clemens to regain the lead or not.
No Led in his Zeppelin
From the Harford Courant 3/30/2012:
Taking it to a Higher Level
It remains a close race, Team Clemens took the lead back briefly but lost it when a strong crosswind over Paris crashed their balloons into the Eiffel Tower and lost a teammate. Not one to let a minor setback get in his way, Mr. Clemens rallied his team and they are back in the air with a zeppelin. “I’ve always wanted to try one of these things.” Clemens exclaimed. Team Clemens is currently back in second place but is expected to take the lead once the race enters the water phase. “Water is my environment,” states Clemens, “I can do more better racing there.” The race should be finished by the 1st and the winners will be on their way back home.
Taking it to a Higher Level
It remains a close race, Team Clemens took the lead back briefly but lost it when a strong crosswind over Paris crashed their balloons into the Eiffel Tower and lost a teammate. Not one to let a minor setback get in his way, Mr. Clemens rallied his team and they are back in the air with a zeppelin. “I’ve always wanted to try one of these things.” Clemens exclaimed. Team Clemens is currently back in second place but is expected to take the lead once the race enters the water phase. “Water is my environment,” states Clemens, “I can do more better racing there.” The race should be finished by the 1st and the winners will be on their way back home.
Full of Hot Air...
From the Hartford Courant 3/29/2012:
Rising Above the Rest Team Clemens fell to second place standing as the first group of teams take to the air. “It is because of the lack of an airplane,” Mr. Clemens grumbled, “I asked Mr. Travaglini for the use of the school plane but he insisted it was for student transportation only. I told him that ex-students were still students but he did not buy it.” Team Clemens had to scramble to find air transportation and had to settle for hot air balloons. “No the teacher is full of hot air jokes,” insisted Clemens, “I’ve heard them all already.” Clemens is hoping for good weather and the chance to pick up quicker air transportation once they cross the ocean. “It does seem odd to me to drive to California only to have to fly to Europe.” Clemens stated, “Very much like the song Movin’ Right Along.” Clemens then proceeded to sing every verse of the song and his teammates in the balloon with him seriously considered using themselves as disposable ballast. “It is going to be a long flight.” One of his teammates commented, “but at least he has not started singing his disco songs.” Yet. |
California Here We Come...
From the Hartford Courant 3/28/2012:
A Clemens’ First! After what can only be described as a grueling second day of racing, Team Clemens holds onto the top spot. Team Sheriff was disqualified after arguing with officials that their rules were inefficient and that they knew better ways to conduct a race. Tomorrow the lead teams should reach California and begin the air phase of the race. According to the rules only, the whole team may not travel by airplane so for at least a few team members, alternate air transportation will be required. “I am thinking of using my CHH.” Mr. Clemens stated. Team Best practices has moved into the second place position with Teams AYP and Highly Qualified tied for third. Team Clemens has been reduced to two vehicles after what can only be described as a bizarre car wash incident. “I always tell people they have to be safe around water,” Clemens said sternly, “This just goes to prove what I have been saying.” |
On the Road Again...
From the Hartford Courant 3/27/2012:
Team Clemens Leads After First Day It was a nail biting day for racing fans but Team Clemens managed to squeak out a minor lead over Team Sherriff. The standings after one day and two states are Team Clemens in first place, Team Sherriff in second, Team Magnet in third and Team Best practices in fourth. Team Clemens had a substantial lead early in the day but that lead dwindled when the lead car that Clemens was in had to pull over and wait for their second car to catch up and pick up Clemens passenger. “I couldn’t take it”; exclaimed the former student of Clemens, “I was thrilled to get the number two position with Mr. Clemens but I could not take his ‘theme music!’” Clemens has a particular tape loop that he likes to listen to when racing, those songs include the theme to Speed Racer, “A personal favorite!” states Clemens. Movin’ Right Along from the Muppet Movie, “No road trip would be complete without that!” and Sweet Victory form SpongeBob SquarePants: The Yellow Album. “Who doesn’t want victory?” Clemens asked. Clemens will be riding alone when day two begins tomorrow. |
Clemens Remembered (Again)
From the Hartford Courant 3/26/2012:
Memorial Run for Lively Teacher
Not many people can claim to have a memorial race run in their memory; less can claim it while they are still alive. Mr. Clemens can claim both. Over the Hartford School District’s spring break, the First Annual Mr. Clemens Memorial Race is being held. Leading the pack is none other than Mr. Clemens himself. “We first had the idea when Mr. Clemens was impaled on his Viking helmet,” Said one of the races’ organizers, a former student of Mr. Clemens, “but then he recovered quickly and we stopped planning. Then he went missing so we started planning again. He was found so the plans went on hold, he was lost in a wormhole and we finished the plans. He then came back alive but we figured by then we’d have a better than average chance that something would happen to him between then and the time of the race, but it didn’t.” The race is a land, sea and air race around the world. There are six members to a team and the team that everyone wanted to be on was Team Clemens. “Of course only a few people could be on Team Clemens and most of them are ex-students, and, of course Mr. Clemens himself.” Clemens got the most sponsors, and because of his earlier experiences with NASCAR, he was voted the captain of Team Clemens. Mr. Clemens was thrilled to be part of the race and cannot wait to get into the water; “Not literally,” he explains, “during the sailing part.” The first part of the race is the land part and Team Clemens has three cars ready to go. “I cannot wait,” Clemens said enthusiastically, “I have racing music and everything.” We at the Hartford Courant wish Mr. Clemens and his team the best of luck.
Memorial Run for Lively Teacher
Not many people can claim to have a memorial race run in their memory; less can claim it while they are still alive. Mr. Clemens can claim both. Over the Hartford School District’s spring break, the First Annual Mr. Clemens Memorial Race is being held. Leading the pack is none other than Mr. Clemens himself. “We first had the idea when Mr. Clemens was impaled on his Viking helmet,” Said one of the races’ organizers, a former student of Mr. Clemens, “but then he recovered quickly and we stopped planning. Then he went missing so we started planning again. He was found so the plans went on hold, he was lost in a wormhole and we finished the plans. He then came back alive but we figured by then we’d have a better than average chance that something would happen to him between then and the time of the race, but it didn’t.” The race is a land, sea and air race around the world. There are six members to a team and the team that everyone wanted to be on was Team Clemens. “Of course only a few people could be on Team Clemens and most of them are ex-students, and, of course Mr. Clemens himself.” Clemens got the most sponsors, and because of his earlier experiences with NASCAR, he was voted the captain of Team Clemens. Mr. Clemens was thrilled to be part of the race and cannot wait to get into the water; “Not literally,” he explains, “during the sailing part.” The first part of the race is the land part and Team Clemens has three cars ready to go. “I cannot wait,” Clemens said enthusiastically, “I have racing music and everything.” We at the Hartford Courant wish Mr. Clemens and his team the best of luck.
Forbidden Fruit
From the Hartford Courant 3/23/2012:
A Healthy Actor
When Underwear giant, Fruit of the Loom, announced they were looking for new actors to represent them in several new spots and public appearances, they began to go through old audition photos and tapes. What they discovered was a young unknown actor, Mr. Clemens. “The only reason Clemens stood out in my mind was that he came to the audition in a carrot costume,” said William Farley, the CEO of the company,” Once we explained to him that carrots were not fruit, he came back with an appropriate costume. He did mumble something about being a civics teacher, not a health teacher.” Clemens ultimately did not get the role as the casting director thought disco was on the way out and he wanted a fresher sound. Clemens did go on to have a successful acting and teaching career. He also “borrowed” the apple costume and uses it occasionally to remind his students that teachers require apples on their desks if they want an “A”.
A Healthy Actor
When Underwear giant, Fruit of the Loom, announced they were looking for new actors to represent them in several new spots and public appearances, they began to go through old audition photos and tapes. What they discovered was a young unknown actor, Mr. Clemens. “The only reason Clemens stood out in my mind was that he came to the audition in a carrot costume,” said William Farley, the CEO of the company,” Once we explained to him that carrots were not fruit, he came back with an appropriate costume. He did mumble something about being a civics teacher, not a health teacher.” Clemens ultimately did not get the role as the casting director thought disco was on the way out and he wanted a fresher sound. Clemens did go on to have a successful acting and teaching career. He also “borrowed” the apple costume and uses it occasionally to remind his students that teachers require apples on their desks if they want an “A”.
Middle School is "More Better" than thought.
(click to enlarge)
From Book News 3/22/2012:
Not Such a Tough Guy After All
Jeff Kinney introduced us to Greg Heffley and his views on what it is like to be a student in middle school in the very popular Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. Mr. Clemens thought that this was a great idea but did not tell the whole story. “It leaves out the teacher’s point of view entirely,” complains Clemens, “the teachers are made to look incompetent, mean or just dumb. Nowhere does it show a teacher trying to make a student’s life more better.” So Clemens penned, Diary of a Wimpy Civics Teacher. In this series, told from the teacher’s point of view, we follow Mr. Clemens as he battles his way through incomprehensible state regulations, standardized testing, and, of course, the crazy and bizarre life forms that are middle school students. Although Clemens title is sure to be popular with teachers, it is unsure how well it will do when compared to the Wimpy Kid series. “It is just supposed to be a counterbalance, we don’t want people getting the wrong impressions about middle school.” If successful, Clemens has follow up titles planned such as Clemens Rules, The Last Bubble, CMT Days, The Not-so Ugly Truth and Civics Fever.
Not Such a Tough Guy After All
Jeff Kinney introduced us to Greg Heffley and his views on what it is like to be a student in middle school in the very popular Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. Mr. Clemens thought that this was a great idea but did not tell the whole story. “It leaves out the teacher’s point of view entirely,” complains Clemens, “the teachers are made to look incompetent, mean or just dumb. Nowhere does it show a teacher trying to make a student’s life more better.” So Clemens penned, Diary of a Wimpy Civics Teacher. In this series, told from the teacher’s point of view, we follow Mr. Clemens as he battles his way through incomprehensible state regulations, standardized testing, and, of course, the crazy and bizarre life forms that are middle school students. Although Clemens title is sure to be popular with teachers, it is unsure how well it will do when compared to the Wimpy Kid series. “It is just supposed to be a counterbalance, we don’t want people getting the wrong impressions about middle school.” If successful, Clemens has follow up titles planned such as Clemens Rules, The Last Bubble, CMT Days, The Not-so Ugly Truth and Civics Fever.
Clemens Gets Stoned
From Smithsonian Magazine 3/22/2012:
Clemens Replaces Washington
National treasure and famous civics teacher, Mr. Clemens, is set to replace George Washington on Mt. Rushmore. "It's about time that someone replaced him," Clemens said proudly, "I was just really surprised it was me." Mr. Clemens is one of the founding members of the True History Society, a group whose aims are to correct common historical and civic misconceptions. "One of the biggest misconceptions is that Washington was our first president. That is why we lobbied so hard to have the monument changed." Clemens wants people to remember Peyton Randolph and Henry Middleton to name two. There were others. "Washington has been riding this first president train long enough," Clemens said indignantly, "It is about time he took his proper place in history. I am not saying he was not important, just not first. We need to make kids understanding of civics and history more better." There has been no discussion if Clemens will replace Washington on the Quarter or Dollar yet. The Department of the Interior has stated that they will not be changing the Washington Monument to the Clemens Monument. “one can dream, however,” adds Clemens.
Clemens Replaces Washington
National treasure and famous civics teacher, Mr. Clemens, is set to replace George Washington on Mt. Rushmore. "It's about time that someone replaced him," Clemens said proudly, "I was just really surprised it was me." Mr. Clemens is one of the founding members of the True History Society, a group whose aims are to correct common historical and civic misconceptions. "One of the biggest misconceptions is that Washington was our first president. That is why we lobbied so hard to have the monument changed." Clemens wants people to remember Peyton Randolph and Henry Middleton to name two. There were others. "Washington has been riding this first president train long enough," Clemens said indignantly, "It is about time he took his proper place in history. I am not saying he was not important, just not first. We need to make kids understanding of civics and history more better." There has been no discussion if Clemens will replace Washington on the Quarter or Dollar yet. The Department of the Interior has stated that they will not be changing the Washington Monument to the Clemens Monument. “one can dream, however,” adds Clemens.
Dancin' Fool
From TV Guide 3/21/2012:
So He Thinks He Can Dance!
As television gears for its’ next wave of shows, the hit, So You Think You Can Dance, is among the returning programs. One of the contestants on the show is theater actor, Mr. Clemens. As pictured above, Clemens has been dancing since an early age and his recent Dancing with the Stars experience has only added to his resume. “On Dancing we really were not allowed to do any modern dances,” explains Clemens, “and I like to do modern dance.” Not a lot of people know it but Clemens was a founding member of the dance troupe, LMFAO, but left before their song Party Rock became a hit single. “I want to show all my students that being a teacher or government employee does not make you stiff. I want them to know I can still jerk and shuffle just as well as they can.” Clemens may impress his students, but will he impress the judges? That remains to be seen.
So He Thinks He Can Dance!
As television gears for its’ next wave of shows, the hit, So You Think You Can Dance, is among the returning programs. One of the contestants on the show is theater actor, Mr. Clemens. As pictured above, Clemens has been dancing since an early age and his recent Dancing with the Stars experience has only added to his resume. “On Dancing we really were not allowed to do any modern dances,” explains Clemens, “and I like to do modern dance.” Not a lot of people know it but Clemens was a founding member of the dance troupe, LMFAO, but left before their song Party Rock became a hit single. “I want to show all my students that being a teacher or government employee does not make you stiff. I want them to know I can still jerk and shuffle just as well as they can.” Clemens may impress his students, but will he impress the judges? That remains to be seen.
Talkin' Travaglinis.
From the Hartford Courant 3/21/2012:
Clemens Takes on Jon Stewart
Local celebrity, Mr. Clemens was on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart last night. Clemens was there to promote his Big Book of Water Safety and talk about his time with the Travaglinis. Stewart pictured him with the aliens from the planet Koosbane from the old Muppet Show. Clemens stated that he liked his picture with the muppet aliens as they did not blink their eyes either. Stewart asked Clemens what president Obama is like in person and Clemens replied, “tall.” Clemens did add that he and the President sang a few songs together, privately. Clemens did say the President was not a fan of his disco era songs. Clemens gave Stewart an impromptu civics lesson and Stewart gave Clemens a few acting tips.
Clemens Takes on Jon Stewart
Local celebrity, Mr. Clemens was on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart last night. Clemens was there to promote his Big Book of Water Safety and talk about his time with the Travaglinis. Stewart pictured him with the aliens from the planet Koosbane from the old Muppet Show. Clemens stated that he liked his picture with the muppet aliens as they did not blink their eyes either. Stewart asked Clemens what president Obama is like in person and Clemens replied, “tall.” Clemens did add that he and the President sang a few songs together, privately. Clemens did say the President was not a fan of his disco era songs. Clemens gave Stewart an impromptu civics lesson and Stewart gave Clemens a few acting tips.
Hair Raising ExperienceFrom the Hartford Courant 3/20/2012:
Bad Hair Day The Addams Family Broadway play just recently wrapped up a tour in the area. The venues try to hire as many local people to work on the shows as possible. One such lucky person was Mr. Clemens. He got to have a walk on role and song portraying Addams’ Cousin It. “It really was not that hard, “Clemens explains, “My wife says I look like Cousin It when I do not shave for a few days.” Clemens can be seen in the picture relaxing between performances. “The cool thing is that the costume has to be made for each performer, so I got to keep it. I dyed it a little darker and now I have the perfect Chewbacca for Halloween. Who my wife says I also look like when I don’t shave.” Clemens plans on donning the Chewbacca costume when Episode III comes to theaters in 3D in 2014. |
Flyin' High!
From the Hartford Courant 3/19/2012:
Transportation Issue Solved!
Mr. Clemens’ dedication to his students is legendary, but now he is truly going to great lengths to help his students. He had his principal buy him a plane. “We are a choice system,” explains Clemens, “But for the students that live out of district transportation is not provided so they cannot come.” Travaglini approved the purchase of the airplane for the transportation of students only. “Mr. Clemens has been after me for years to buy a plane for transportation purposes,” he explains, “Now we can do what other schools in the district do, bring in students from the outside to boost test scores. The airplane gives us a wider area to choose from than most other schools have.” Clemens is thrilled with the opportunity to fly students to school, “Now I can get to work quicker and pick up students quicker as well. The only downside is that I can only fly them one at a time but I may be able to do more if I can train a few to be wing walkers.” Clemens better check to see if wing walking is covered by insurance.
Transportation Issue Solved!
Mr. Clemens’ dedication to his students is legendary, but now he is truly going to great lengths to help his students. He had his principal buy him a plane. “We are a choice system,” explains Clemens, “But for the students that live out of district transportation is not provided so they cannot come.” Travaglini approved the purchase of the airplane for the transportation of students only. “Mr. Clemens has been after me for years to buy a plane for transportation purposes,” he explains, “Now we can do what other schools in the district do, bring in students from the outside to boost test scores. The airplane gives us a wider area to choose from than most other schools have.” Clemens is thrilled with the opportunity to fly students to school, “Now I can get to work quicker and pick up students quicker as well. The only downside is that I can only fly them one at a time but I may be able to do more if I can train a few to be wing walkers.” Clemens better check to see if wing walking is covered by insurance.
Leader of the Pack
From the Hartford Courant 3/17/2012:
Go Irish! The annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade got a boost today when local celebrity and civics teacher arrived on the scene. “I was just there to watch the parade,” states Mr. Clemens, “I had no idea that they were going to ask me to lead the thing. It was lucky that I was already wearing green.” Clemens led the bagpipers on a march through the city but occasionally stopped traffic as he did not know the parade route. “The spectators did not seem to mind,” Clemens adds, “in fact we got many enthusiastic waves, salutes and gestures from motorists. I felt bad they could only wave one fingered but they had to have the other hand on the wheel.” Clemens was also thrilled to hear some of the songs he wrote performed by the bagpipers; “After all, I was one of them last year. Macho Man is very tricky to do right on the bagpipes so I give these guys credit.” Afterwards Clemens took them all out for a few rounds of his Clemens Ale. “They way they are consuming it, I think we could dye the Connecticut River green like they do in Chicago.” |
....And Now For Something Completely Different!
From the London Times 3/16/2012:
Water Safety Not Clemens First Government Job During a routine audit of the Ministry of Redundancies, A photo was discovered of Mr. Clemens when he worked for the British Government. Records show that Mr. Clemens worked for the Ministry of Silly Walks. The photo to the left depicts Mr. Clemens demonstrating one of his many silly walks. “I remember Mr. Clemens well,” says Mr. Putney, a long time employee of the Ministry, “His walk was not quite as silly as some of the other ones, mine included, but it did generate enough silliness to warrant a government stipend.” Putney’s silly walk is pictured on the right. Clemens does not talk much about his time at the Ministry but his wife says he is not ashamed of his walk, indeed he still has a “goofy sashay from time to time.” |
Ready to Go Green!
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From the Dublin Gazette 3/16/2012:
Exercising His Pride!
Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day, famed American teacher Mr. Clemens announced the first of his beverages from his micro-brewery, Clemens, an Irish Stout Ale. “It is so hard trying to find the right beverage for the right holiday,” stated Mr. Clemens, “I plan to make drinks for all of them, including the new Civics Day!” As the Head of the Office of Water Safety Clemens reminds all people to drink responsibly to avoid Viking helmet accidents. As a twist for the holidays, Clemens is putting a special medical dye in his brews so when the beverage passes through the system it excretes in certain colors. “I have green dye for St. Patrick’s Day and am experimenting with several pastels for Easter. I feel that beer should not only be entertaining on the way in, but on the way out as well.”
Exercising His Pride!
Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day, famed American teacher Mr. Clemens announced the first of his beverages from his micro-brewery, Clemens, an Irish Stout Ale. “It is so hard trying to find the right beverage for the right holiday,” stated Mr. Clemens, “I plan to make drinks for all of them, including the new Civics Day!” As the Head of the Office of Water Safety Clemens reminds all people to drink responsibly to avoid Viking helmet accidents. As a twist for the holidays, Clemens is putting a special medical dye in his brews so when the beverage passes through the system it excretes in certain colors. “I have green dye for St. Patrick’s Day and am experimenting with several pastels for Easter. I feel that beer should not only be entertaining on the way in, but on the way out as well.”
He's Had the Time of His Life
From ABC New Website 3/15/2012:
From the Classroom to the Ballroom
After a freak accident involving a competing couple, Dancing with the Stars was left with a hole in its line-up. The producers tapped Jennifer grey, a favorite from a past season, to return with a new dancing partner, civics teacher Mr. Clemens. “It is unusual for us to have two stars as a couple,” said host Tom Bergeron, “But in this case we are treating Jennifer as the professional dancer and Mr. Clemens as the celebrity.” Mr. Clemens does have some past dance experience between his musical theater career and his time with the Village People. “I am really excited to be on the show,” Mr. Clemens announced,” The level of talent and professionalism is amazing. I know Tom Bergeron hosts several shows and specials so I am hoping to talk him into doing a civics TV special with me at a later time.” Clemens has been practicing his ballroom and other dance moves to make sure he’s got them exactly right for when he dances with Jennifer Grey, “I have to be very careful where I am on the floor with her,” Clemens explains,” After all, no one puts baby in the corner.”
From the Classroom to the Ballroom
After a freak accident involving a competing couple, Dancing with the Stars was left with a hole in its line-up. The producers tapped Jennifer grey, a favorite from a past season, to return with a new dancing partner, civics teacher Mr. Clemens. “It is unusual for us to have two stars as a couple,” said host Tom Bergeron, “But in this case we are treating Jennifer as the professional dancer and Mr. Clemens as the celebrity.” Mr. Clemens does have some past dance experience between his musical theater career and his time with the Village People. “I am really excited to be on the show,” Mr. Clemens announced,” The level of talent and professionalism is amazing. I know Tom Bergeron hosts several shows and specials so I am hoping to talk him into doing a civics TV special with me at a later time.” Clemens has been practicing his ballroom and other dance moves to make sure he’s got them exactly right for when he dances with Jennifer Grey, “I have to be very careful where I am on the floor with her,” Clemens explains,” After all, no one puts baby in the corner.”
From the Washington Post 3/14/2012:
Clemens Honored in New Holiday President Obama declared that today, March 14th, will now be known as National Civics Day. “We already have President’s Day, Independence Day and Constitution Day,” said Obama, “Today we are instituting a new holiday to cover everything else important to the history and culture of our Nation that the previously mentioned holidays do not cover.” Obama also decided that the perfect “face” for the new holiday is America’s favorite Civics Teacher, Mr. Clemens. “I am very honored to be a part of this holiday,” stated a teary-eyed Clemens, preparing for a sail in his traditional Viking helmet, “perhaps now civics will get the recognition and respect it deserves. Perhaps, at last, it can be considered an essential and core subject.” |
To celebrate this day, Hallmark has announced a line of “Happy Civics Day” cards featuring the image of Mr. Clemens and important aspects of American Government on their faces. The stores will also have, for a limited time, life size standees of Mr. Clemens that customers can get their pictures taken with. For the day, Google has incorporated Me. Clemens into their logo and the French have announced they are going to present the United States with a second Statue of Liberty, this one featuring Mr. Clemens likeness. “I like that they kept the July IV on the tablet,” states Clemens, “that is a very important date for fans of civics.” There is no word yet on when the new statue will be ready or where the statue will be housed when completed.
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Study Civics for Eternity
From Book Review 3/14/2012:
Clemens Pens Teenage Melodrama
The recent surge in vampire fiction due to the Sookie Stackhouse and Twilight series has not gone unnoticed by Mr. Clemens. Clemens first fictional book is for teenagers filled with the angst of that age and their love of the undead. The main character of the book is a kindly vampire named Kimmens. Kimmens teaches at a high school in a small northern town. When a family of vampires moves into the town Kimmens is cautious at first but gets to know them when the children are enrolled at the school where he teaches. Kimmens realizes that the children have not been in school since the American Revolution and has to catch them up on almost 200 hundred years of civics. Kimmens realizes he has found a niche and starts tutoring other vampires about the modern world and how to function in it. Of course there is a love story between the children and a vampire war but that is all secondary to Clemens message that a good education in civics is the solution to any problem. “Whether it is an actual war or a fictional war between the undead; if it is a peace treaty between nations or between werewolves and vampires, civics plays an import role and makes the world more better.” Explains Clemens. Twilight School is expected to hit bookshelves this summer and Clemens has plans for three follow up novels if it is successful.
Clemens Pens Teenage Melodrama
The recent surge in vampire fiction due to the Sookie Stackhouse and Twilight series has not gone unnoticed by Mr. Clemens. Clemens first fictional book is for teenagers filled with the angst of that age and their love of the undead. The main character of the book is a kindly vampire named Kimmens. Kimmens teaches at a high school in a small northern town. When a family of vampires moves into the town Kimmens is cautious at first but gets to know them when the children are enrolled at the school where he teaches. Kimmens realizes that the children have not been in school since the American Revolution and has to catch them up on almost 200 hundred years of civics. Kimmens realizes he has found a niche and starts tutoring other vampires about the modern world and how to function in it. Of course there is a love story between the children and a vampire war but that is all secondary to Clemens message that a good education in civics is the solution to any problem. “Whether it is an actual war or a fictional war between the undead; if it is a peace treaty between nations or between werewolves and vampires, civics plays an import role and makes the world more better.” Explains Clemens. Twilight School is expected to hit bookshelves this summer and Clemens has plans for three follow up novels if it is successful.
From the Hartford Courant 3/13/2012:
Hopelessly devoted We all know that Mr. Clemens loves civics. He first made the Courant in October of 2008 for having his eighth grade class register people to vote (see far right column). As Mr. Clemens mulls doing this again in the fall, we found out that his long standing devotion to civics started at an early age. Mr. Clemens ran his first campaign in high school he was a key organizer and political consultant for the “vote for Pedro” campaign when he was in high school. The “vote for Pedro” campaign is still very popular and can be found on many t-shirts and buttons today. It was even used as a plot point in a popular teenage movie proving that even from an early age Mr. Clemens was a trendsetter. |
Vote..and stuff..
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Eighth-Graders At Hartford's Naylor School Recruiting Voters
It's hard for visitors at Naylor School on Franklin Avenue in Hartford to forget the state's deadline to register to vote. The students in Tim Clemens' eighth-grade civics class remind anyone who comes within a block of the school.The students have made it their mission to sign up as many neighborhood adults as possible. That means walking the sidewalk outside the school at 8 a.m. and again at 3 p.m. each day, and sitting at a table in the lobby of the school to greet anyone who comes in throughout the day. read the rest of the real article here: http://www.hartfordinfo.org/issues/documents/ democracy/htfd_courant_101508.asp |
Would You Like Fries with That?
From Toy Fair ad 3/13/2012:
Make Your Own Clemens! If you ever wanted a Mr. Clemens for your children, now you can have one! Introducing the Mr. Clemens Potato Head. Your kids will thrill when they can bring home and create a Clemens to teach civics to all their other toys. Mr. Clemens comes with lots of different looks and includes a scuba mask for his water safety job. So bring home the toy that is sure to be the hit of the season, The Mr. Clemens Potato Head! |
Go Go Clemens Hat!
From Inventor’s Weekly 3/12/2012:
Have Suit, Will Travel
Mr. Clemens finds himself to be a very busy man and sometimes he needs to cross great distances at great speed. How does he do this? With the new Clemens’ Helicopter Hat or CHH. “I got the idea from watching old Inspector Gadget cartoons,” explains Clemens proudly, “I thought if it could work for him, it could work for me.” The CHH is made from a light weight aluminum alloy and weighs only 15 pounds. “I know it is a bit heavy on the head, but it is doable and practical.” Says Clemens. A fan of saving the environment, Clemens made the CHH solar powered. “On a clear day I can fly forever!” He exclaims. For cloudy or rainy weather Clemens has made a solar lamp attachment that runs off of AAA batteries. “It’s good for about a 5-10 minute quick trip,” adds Clemens. At this time Clemens has chosen not to make the CHH available to the public. “I have to equip it with a safety chute and floatation device before I think it is ready for everybody,” adds Clemens, “Safety first!”
Have Suit, Will Travel
Mr. Clemens finds himself to be a very busy man and sometimes he needs to cross great distances at great speed. How does he do this? With the new Clemens’ Helicopter Hat or CHH. “I got the idea from watching old Inspector Gadget cartoons,” explains Clemens proudly, “I thought if it could work for him, it could work for me.” The CHH is made from a light weight aluminum alloy and weighs only 15 pounds. “I know it is a bit heavy on the head, but it is doable and practical.” Says Clemens. A fan of saving the environment, Clemens made the CHH solar powered. “On a clear day I can fly forever!” He exclaims. For cloudy or rainy weather Clemens has made a solar lamp attachment that runs off of AAA batteries. “It’s good for about a 5-10 minute quick trip,” adds Clemens. At this time Clemens has chosen not to make the CHH available to the public. “I have to equip it with a safety chute and floatation device before I think it is ready for everybody,” adds Clemens, “Safety first!”
Saving Lives Through Television
From the Hartford Courant 3/12/2012:
Water Safety Must be Back on Television!
(AP) The Head of the Department of Water Safety has decided that he wants to reach as many people as possible as quickly as possible; “Water safety is a very important topic,” states Mr. Clemens, “almost as important as civics.” Clemens decided the best way to do that was television and, luckily, there was already a vehicle for that.”As the head of the department I have ordered that Baywatch be returned to television immediately!” Demanded Clemens;”This was a show that primary focus was water safety and I want it brought back! Each week those people dedicated their lives to spreading the message that you have to be careful when near the water. The show illustrated what can go wrong if you are not careful and prepared.” When Hasselhoff, the lead, was not available, Clemens decided to step into the role. “I am only here until David is done with his other commitments,” explains Clemens, “I can only film on weekends and school holidays, after all.” There is no word on when the new Baywatch will premiere but production is scheduled to begin soon.
Water Safety Must be Back on Television!
(AP) The Head of the Department of Water Safety has decided that he wants to reach as many people as possible as quickly as possible; “Water safety is a very important topic,” states Mr. Clemens, “almost as important as civics.” Clemens decided the best way to do that was television and, luckily, there was already a vehicle for that.”As the head of the department I have ordered that Baywatch be returned to television immediately!” Demanded Clemens;”This was a show that primary focus was water safety and I want it brought back! Each week those people dedicated their lives to spreading the message that you have to be careful when near the water. The show illustrated what can go wrong if you are not careful and prepared.” When Hasselhoff, the lead, was not available, Clemens decided to step into the role. “I am only here until David is done with his other commitments,” explains Clemens, “I can only film on weekends and school holidays, after all.” There is no word on when the new Baywatch will premiere but production is scheduled to begin soon.
Hakuna Matata, Clemens!
From Disney Magazine 3/9/2012:
Clemens Pens Yet Another Civics Saves the Day Movie
Owing to his recent string of children’s hits, The executives at Disney Animation asked Mr. Clemens if he would be interested in keeping the Lion King Franchise going in a fourth movie, entitled The Lion King 3. It is called the Lion King 3 because there is a Lion King 1 ½. “Clemens has a way of reaching children that is almost Peter Pan like,” said one Disney Executive, “ He also has a great love of cats based on recent projects so we thought the combination would be perfect for this worthy franchise.” The story that Clemens came up with is familiar if you know his other works. Kiara, Simba’s daughter, and Kovu, Scar’s heir, had married at the end of Lion King 2. Their children are running the pride and soon run it almost completely into the ground. Kiara and Kovu send Timon and Pumbaa to find the mythical Clemens Lion, a being so wise he can solve almost any problem. The duo have many adventures and meet several new friends on their search for Clemens. They bring Clemens back to Pride Rock and he instructs them on how a proper monarchy should run. Clemens and Zazu even draft a version of the Magna Carta to ensure this type of mismanagement does not happen again. “I had a lot of fun writing this one,” exclaims Clemens, “I only hope this one will reach Broadway like the first one did!”
Clemens Pens Yet Another Civics Saves the Day Movie
Owing to his recent string of children’s hits, The executives at Disney Animation asked Mr. Clemens if he would be interested in keeping the Lion King Franchise going in a fourth movie, entitled The Lion King 3. It is called the Lion King 3 because there is a Lion King 1 ½. “Clemens has a way of reaching children that is almost Peter Pan like,” said one Disney Executive, “ He also has a great love of cats based on recent projects so we thought the combination would be perfect for this worthy franchise.” The story that Clemens came up with is familiar if you know his other works. Kiara, Simba’s daughter, and Kovu, Scar’s heir, had married at the end of Lion King 2. Their children are running the pride and soon run it almost completely into the ground. Kiara and Kovu send Timon and Pumbaa to find the mythical Clemens Lion, a being so wise he can solve almost any problem. The duo have many adventures and meet several new friends on their search for Clemens. They bring Clemens back to Pride Rock and he instructs them on how a proper monarchy should run. Clemens and Zazu even draft a version of the Magna Carta to ensure this type of mismanagement does not happen again. “I had a lot of fun writing this one,” exclaims Clemens, “I only hope this one will reach Broadway like the first one did!”
What's New Pussycat?
From Comic Magazine 3/9/2012:
Don’t Mess with the Kitty!
Legendary civics teacher, Mr. Clemens has decided to invent a new superhero, Kittyman. He is using Sanrio’s famous icon, Hello Kitty as his logo. “I have two girls,” Clemens explains, “and there are no good superheroes for girls, or at least not ones whose costumes would not get them arrested for indecent exposure.” Clemens chose the Hello Kitty logo because it is universally recognized as a symbol of “niceness”. Kitty White is a bright and kindhearted girl who believes people should be nice to each other, these are values Clemens shares. Kittyman does not have any super powers but relies on gadgets like Batman. In Kittyman’s utility belt you will find a ball of yarn, useful for tying up bad guys or throwing at them to knock them over, catnip for subduing them and flea collars in case he has to go into any really bad parts of town. Yuko Shimizu, the creator of Hello Kitty, has yet to release a statement on Mr. Clemens’ concept but with the Hello Kitty logo everywhere, one cannot help but think that a superhero is long overdue.
Don’t Mess with the Kitty!
Legendary civics teacher, Mr. Clemens has decided to invent a new superhero, Kittyman. He is using Sanrio’s famous icon, Hello Kitty as his logo. “I have two girls,” Clemens explains, “and there are no good superheroes for girls, or at least not ones whose costumes would not get them arrested for indecent exposure.” Clemens chose the Hello Kitty logo because it is universally recognized as a symbol of “niceness”. Kitty White is a bright and kindhearted girl who believes people should be nice to each other, these are values Clemens shares. Kittyman does not have any super powers but relies on gadgets like Batman. In Kittyman’s utility belt you will find a ball of yarn, useful for tying up bad guys or throwing at them to knock them over, catnip for subduing them and flea collars in case he has to go into any really bad parts of town. Yuko Shimizu, the creator of Hello Kitty, has yet to release a statement on Mr. Clemens’ concept but with the Hello Kitty logo everywhere, one cannot help but think that a superhero is long overdue.
Clemens Glee-ful Return to the Small Screen!
From the Hartford Courant 3/8/2012:
Clemens Hits the Right Note During Sweeps Week Fox announced that they are doing a special 2 part tribute episode on Glee for Mr. Clemens. Glee’s creator Ryan Murphy stated,” Mr. Clemens has done so much for teaching and musical theater it would be a shame that a show that does both does not feature him in some way.” On the first part of the episode the cast will perform songs written by Clemens such as In the Navy and Macho Man. They will also sing songs relevant to Clemens’ life such as Come Sail Away and Loving the Alien. Mr. Clemens himself will be a substitute teacher in the second part, he will teach them about civics and help them stage the musical, Cats. “The Cat society in the play is fascinating,” states Clemens, “It is a caste system and has lots of teachable moments.” Clemens, like other guest stars on Glee, brings a lot of theater experience with him to the role;”But it is my teaching experience that I think will benefit these students the most." |
Holy Civics Batman!
From the Hartford Courant 3/8/2012:
Boy Wonder!
Another milestone in the acting career of Mr. Clemens has been uncovered. As many people know the 1966 series of Batman had many different actors test for the role and some old footage recently found at a comic book convention shows that Mr. Clemens was one of the people who auditioned for the part of Robin. “I thought I was ideal for the part,” Clemens stated, “I tested with Burgess Meredith and Cesar Romero but the producers went with Burt Ward instead. It was a good experience for me and I have to say that wearing the tights for that costume probably helped me get the role in Rocky Horror many years later so I can’t complain.” One can only wonder if the show would have lasted to a fourth season if Clemens had gotten the role. It is interesting that two shows that Clemens almost got the part for in 1966 only lasted three seasons each, Batman and Star Trek. Clemens can be heard to occasionally hum the theme song to the show and encourages others to join in.
Boy Wonder!
Another milestone in the acting career of Mr. Clemens has been uncovered. As many people know the 1966 series of Batman had many different actors test for the role and some old footage recently found at a comic book convention shows that Mr. Clemens was one of the people who auditioned for the part of Robin. “I thought I was ideal for the part,” Clemens stated, “I tested with Burgess Meredith and Cesar Romero but the producers went with Burt Ward instead. It was a good experience for me and I have to say that wearing the tights for that costume probably helped me get the role in Rocky Horror many years later so I can’t complain.” One can only wonder if the show would have lasted to a fourth season if Clemens had gotten the role. It is interesting that two shows that Clemens almost got the part for in 1966 only lasted three seasons each, Batman and Star Trek. Clemens can be heard to occasionally hum the theme song to the show and encourages others to join in.
The Dark Knight Returns
From TV Guide 3/8/2012:
Knight Rider Returns…?
A lot of TV series get canceled at the midpoint of the season and the shows that did not make the first cut sometimes get aired. One such program is Knight Rider. Knight Rider was a highly successful ‘80s show and had a not so successful revival a few years back but a franchise is a hard thing to kill so it is getting another shot, this time with Mr. Clemens at the helm. Clemens is a substitute teacher and administrator. He goes around the country in his special car and solves problems in the nation’s schools. As in the previous series, the car can talk and has a personality. The difference is the car is not Kitt anymore, it is the Clemens Informative Vehicle for Instruction in Civilization Studies or C.I.V.I.C.S. for short. While Mr. Clemens is helping out using his administrator’s hat, C.I.V.I.C.S. is actually the one teaching the classes and helping students with their homework. Part Lean on Me, part Disney’s Cars, the new Knight Rider is sure to please audiences for at least the rest of the season.
Knight Rider Returns…?
A lot of TV series get canceled at the midpoint of the season and the shows that did not make the first cut sometimes get aired. One such program is Knight Rider. Knight Rider was a highly successful ‘80s show and had a not so successful revival a few years back but a franchise is a hard thing to kill so it is getting another shot, this time with Mr. Clemens at the helm. Clemens is a substitute teacher and administrator. He goes around the country in his special car and solves problems in the nation’s schools. As in the previous series, the car can talk and has a personality. The difference is the car is not Kitt anymore, it is the Clemens Informative Vehicle for Instruction in Civilization Studies or C.I.V.I.C.S. for short. While Mr. Clemens is helping out using his administrator’s hat, C.I.V.I.C.S. is actually the one teaching the classes and helping students with their homework. Part Lean on Me, part Disney’s Cars, the new Knight Rider is sure to please audiences for at least the rest of the season.
Muggle Studies Teacher Found!
From the Daily Prophet 3/7/2012:
Muggle Studies Teacher Found!
Acting Headmistress of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Minerva McGonagall, announced that the vacant position of Muggle Studies Teacher will be filled by famed muggle teacher Mr. Clemens; “And this time the celebrity can teach.” McGonagall added but refused to elaborate about who the other teacher was she was referring to. “Who better to teach muggle studies than a muggle?” Mr. Clemens was very excited about his new job;” It is important that young witches and wizards know how muggle governments work so they can blend in,” states Clemens,” And, with the Time Turner, I can teach the full year at Hogwarts and still be back for my next civics lesson.” Unfortunately for Mr. Clemens, but fortunate for us, an obliviate spell will be cast on him at the end of the term erasing the memories of his time at Hogwarts.
Muggle Studies Teacher Found!
Acting Headmistress of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Minerva McGonagall, announced that the vacant position of Muggle Studies Teacher will be filled by famed muggle teacher Mr. Clemens; “And this time the celebrity can teach.” McGonagall added but refused to elaborate about who the other teacher was she was referring to. “Who better to teach muggle studies than a muggle?” Mr. Clemens was very excited about his new job;” It is important that young witches and wizards know how muggle governments work so they can blend in,” states Clemens,” And, with the Time Turner, I can teach the full year at Hogwarts and still be back for my next civics lesson.” Unfortunately for Mr. Clemens, but fortunate for us, an obliviate spell will be cast on him at the end of the term erasing the memories of his time at Hogwarts.
Clemens on the Loose!
(Click to enlarge)
From the National Enquirer 3/7/2012:
CMT This!
First came Road Rage, then ‘Roid Rage and Sports Rage, now Test Rage? That is what people are claiming as a defense of Me. Clemens’ latest actions. Clemens has instituted a reign of terror at the school where he works as a civics teacher. “Civics is a relevant subject!” Clemens can be heard hissing at co-workers as they prepare to give the CMT standardized tests. He has also been caught throwing the testing material around and screaming incoherently at bubblesheets. Clemens was hospitalized the previous night for an altercation with a core subject teacher over which subject was more socially relevant. Clemens snapped when the other teacher informed him that her subject at least had a bubblesheet and his did not , so it was a “fluff course”. It is important to note that Clemens’ behavior has not been the same since he returned from the wormhole. Some people think the Travaglinis replaced him with a duplicate that has a sinister purpose.
CMT This!
First came Road Rage, then ‘Roid Rage and Sports Rage, now Test Rage? That is what people are claiming as a defense of Me. Clemens’ latest actions. Clemens has instituted a reign of terror at the school where he works as a civics teacher. “Civics is a relevant subject!” Clemens can be heard hissing at co-workers as they prepare to give the CMT standardized tests. He has also been caught throwing the testing material around and screaming incoherently at bubblesheets. Clemens was hospitalized the previous night for an altercation with a core subject teacher over which subject was more socially relevant. Clemens snapped when the other teacher informed him that her subject at least had a bubblesheet and his did not , so it was a “fluff course”. It is important to note that Clemens’ behavior has not been the same since he returned from the wormhole. Some people think the Travaglinis replaced him with a duplicate that has a sinister purpose.
He's Got Those Happy Feet
From the Hartford Courant 3/7/2012:
Clemens Returns to Musical Roots
(AP) Although Mr. Clemens had sworn of musical theater, he has decidied to make one exception. The Courant can exclusively reveal that Mr. Clemens will have a role in the Bushnell's summer production of Happy Feet: The Musical. "I really thought my musical days were behind me and I had given up on my dream of dancing professionally but this play is an opportunity I cannot pass up." Clemens explained, "Happy Feet ties into all my interests at once. It has a green message, which goes well with civics and it has birds that swim so it ties into water safety as well. The singing and dancing are just a bonus. This is my dream job." We wish Mr. Clemens luck and look forward to hearing more about this production.
Clemens Returns to Musical Roots
(AP) Although Mr. Clemens had sworn of musical theater, he has decidied to make one exception. The Courant can exclusively reveal that Mr. Clemens will have a role in the Bushnell's summer production of Happy Feet: The Musical. "I really thought my musical days were behind me and I had given up on my dream of dancing professionally but this play is an opportunity I cannot pass up." Clemens explained, "Happy Feet ties into all my interests at once. It has a green message, which goes well with civics and it has birds that swim so it ties into water safety as well. The singing and dancing are just a bonus. This is my dream job." We wish Mr. Clemens luck and look forward to hearing more about this production.
Teaching Water Safety
Mr. Clemens uses robotic sharks retired from the Universal Jaws ride to teach this course.
This is an excerpt from Mr. Clemens’ Big Book of Water Safety. The text is from chapter three, You Can’t Teach a Shark Civics. The chapter was originally called How Not to be Eaten, but the title was changed because it was close to a British instructional film called How Not to be Seen. Below are Mr. Clemens’ seven rules for not being eaten by a shark.
This is an excerpt from Mr. Clemens’ Big Book of Water Safety. The text is from chapter three, You Can’t Teach a Shark Civics. The chapter was originally called How Not to be Eaten, but the title was changed because it was close to a British instructional film called How Not to be Seen. Below are Mr. Clemens’ seven rules for not being eaten by a shark.
Rule #1
Stay Indoors. Sharks do not normally live in houses. On the off chance that a small shark does live in a tank inside your house, wrap yourself up in duct tape. If the shark jumps out of the tank at you, it will not be able to bite through the duct tape. The amount of duct tape needed varies by the size of the shark in the tank. |
Rule #6
Stay Away From Sharks. If you must leave the cage for any reason do so in a shark free area. If there are no sharks around, they will not eat you. If there are sharks around, you have ignored rule number six and should proceed to rule number seven. If you cannot comply with rule seven, make sure you have extra lunch or fish with you to share with the sharks so you can escape. |
"What Do You Get....."
From variety Magazine 3/7/2012:
Early Clemens Role Found!
A recent discovery of old publicity stills shows that famed teacher, Mr. Clemens was actually an Oompa Loompa in the Original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Although his voice can still be heard on the soundtrack recording, his Oompa Loompa character does not appear in the movie. “His scenes were cut,” explains Rudy Borgstaller, one of the original Oompa Loompas, “He tried to teach Mike TeeVee the value of a good book and teach Veruca Salt leadership lessons.” Clemens refused to comment on the story but did so in a sing-song rhyming way.
Early Clemens Role Found!
A recent discovery of old publicity stills shows that famed teacher, Mr. Clemens was actually an Oompa Loompa in the Original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Although his voice can still be heard on the soundtrack recording, his Oompa Loompa character does not appear in the movie. “His scenes were cut,” explains Rudy Borgstaller, one of the original Oompa Loompas, “He tried to teach Mike TeeVee the value of a good book and teach Veruca Salt leadership lessons.” Clemens refused to comment on the story but did so in a sing-song rhyming way.
Cheese Please.
From the Guardian 3/6/2012:
Clemens on second popular BBC show!
Mr. Clemens, famed civics teacher from America, is making a second appearance on the Beeb. Clemens will be a guest on the new Wallace & Grommit special, The Civics Cheese Caper. The story takes advantage of Clemens’ appearance on Doctor Who. “we thought it was an amazing opportunity,” says Nick Park, the creator of Wallace & Grommit, “Clemens was in the studio next door recording some dialogue for Doctor Who so we asked him if he would do our special and he said yes.” Park even went so far as to animate Clemens in his trademark green sweater. “That way American audiences will recognize him.” Without allowing for too many spoilers, Park states that Wallace is deported to America after importing some illegal cheese. Grommit turns to Clemens and his knowledge of civics to help save the day. “Anything I can do to make children’s understanding of American civics more better is worth doing.” Clemens stated.
Clemens on second popular BBC show!
Mr. Clemens, famed civics teacher from America, is making a second appearance on the Beeb. Clemens will be a guest on the new Wallace & Grommit special, The Civics Cheese Caper. The story takes advantage of Clemens’ appearance on Doctor Who. “we thought it was an amazing opportunity,” says Nick Park, the creator of Wallace & Grommit, “Clemens was in the studio next door recording some dialogue for Doctor Who so we asked him if he would do our special and he said yes.” Park even went so far as to animate Clemens in his trademark green sweater. “That way American audiences will recognize him.” Without allowing for too many spoilers, Park states that Wallace is deported to America after importing some illegal cheese. Grommit turns to Clemens and his knowledge of civics to help save the day. “Anything I can do to make children’s understanding of American civics more better is worth doing.” Clemens stated.
Mr. Clemens in Who's Who.
From Doctor Who Magazine 3/6/2012:
It’s About Time!
For the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who, Steven Moffat has a lot of surprises planned, one of those is a crossover with his other hit show, Sherlock, which depicts Sherlock Holmes in modern times. The anniversary season also has a lot of guest stars planned and one of them is American civics teacher, Mr. Clemens. Sherlock is investigating some odd murders on the Thames when the TARDIS appears and the Doctor announces it is the work of his old aquatic rivals, the Sea Devils. Needing an aquatic expert they turn to the Head of the Department for Water Safety, Mr. Clemens. Through a plot to destroy the Doctor by the Sea Devils, Mr. Clemens DNA is combined with that of the Doctor causing Mr. Clemens to appear in many of the Doctor’s past incarnations. Will our favorite Time Lord reclaim his past selves or will they be doomed to teach civics throughout time and space? Tune in to find out the answers.
It’s About Time!
For the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who, Steven Moffat has a lot of surprises planned, one of those is a crossover with his other hit show, Sherlock, which depicts Sherlock Holmes in modern times. The anniversary season also has a lot of guest stars planned and one of them is American civics teacher, Mr. Clemens. Sherlock is investigating some odd murders on the Thames when the TARDIS appears and the Doctor announces it is the work of his old aquatic rivals, the Sea Devils. Needing an aquatic expert they turn to the Head of the Department for Water Safety, Mr. Clemens. Through a plot to destroy the Doctor by the Sea Devils, Mr. Clemens DNA is combined with that of the Doctor causing Mr. Clemens to appear in many of the Doctor’s past incarnations. Will our favorite Time Lord reclaim his past selves or will they be doomed to teach civics throughout time and space? Tune in to find out the answers.
Clemens "Tarries" in TarryTown
From TV Guide 3/5/2012:
Flyin' High
Mr. Clemens will pay a visit to TarryTown this week. He is being animanted as a guest plane on the Jay Jay the Jet Plane TV series. March is National Water Safety month and Mr. Clemens will be very busy. Clemens is going to visit Jay Jay and Brenda Blue at TarryTown airport. He will take them, along with Tracy and Snuffy, to visit the aircraft carrier, the USS Civics Teacher, which is doing exercises out by Pangbalua Island. Clemens is going to teach the planes how to make emergency water landings and practice water safety when they have passengers on board. He is also going to teach them how to land on an aircraft carrier in an emergency and about the importance of civics. When asked why he was on so m any kids shows Clemens responded, “It’s never too early to learn about water safety and civics.” The animators decided not to animate Clemens’ Viking helmet.
Flyin' High
Mr. Clemens will pay a visit to TarryTown this week. He is being animanted as a guest plane on the Jay Jay the Jet Plane TV series. March is National Water Safety month and Mr. Clemens will be very busy. Clemens is going to visit Jay Jay and Brenda Blue at TarryTown airport. He will take them, along with Tracy and Snuffy, to visit the aircraft carrier, the USS Civics Teacher, which is doing exercises out by Pangbalua Island. Clemens is going to teach the planes how to make emergency water landings and practice water safety when they have passengers on board. He is also going to teach them how to land on an aircraft carrier in an emergency and about the importance of civics. When asked why he was on so m any kids shows Clemens responded, “It’s never too early to learn about water safety and civics.” The animators decided not to animate Clemens’ Viking helmet.
Two Clemens in One!
From Inventor’s Weekly 3/3/2012:
Mr. Clemens is All Wet
If you have a busy life like Mr. Clemens does, you need to find a way to balance it and find time to do what you need to do, that is just what Mr. Clemens did. He invented the Civics Wet Suit. “Between being a civics teacher and heading the Office of Water Safety, I find it hard to find the time to keep the roles separate, now I do not have to. I can dress for both jobs at the same time.” Explains Clemens. The Civics Wet Suit combines the professional dress you need for teaching and the attire a person may need if they have to make a quick trip into the water. Mr. Clemens even put a red, white and blue, star spangled letter “C” on the top. When asked if “C” stood for civics or for Clemens he answered, “It depends on what I am doing at the moment, if I am teaching it is civics, if I am in the water it is Clemens. If I am doing both, you can take your pick.” The “C” is interchangeable for any letter for any other professional who may need to jump into the water at a moments notice. “It’s practical and professional.” Adds Clemens, “the best of both worlds in one.”
Mr. Clemens is All Wet
If you have a busy life like Mr. Clemens does, you need to find a way to balance it and find time to do what you need to do, that is just what Mr. Clemens did. He invented the Civics Wet Suit. “Between being a civics teacher and heading the Office of Water Safety, I find it hard to find the time to keep the roles separate, now I do not have to. I can dress for both jobs at the same time.” Explains Clemens. The Civics Wet Suit combines the professional dress you need for teaching and the attire a person may need if they have to make a quick trip into the water. Mr. Clemens even put a red, white and blue, star spangled letter “C” on the top. When asked if “C” stood for civics or for Clemens he answered, “It depends on what I am doing at the moment, if I am teaching it is civics, if I am in the water it is Clemens. If I am doing both, you can take your pick.” The “C” is interchangeable for any letter for any other professional who may need to jump into the water at a moments notice. “It’s practical and professional.” Adds Clemens, “the best of both worlds in one.”
It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Gnome
From Wal-Mart Flyer 3/2/2012:
Clemens Garden Gnome
The gnome derives his existence from that of the legendary gnome, a small, old man who lived under the ground for the purpose of guarding treasure. He was said to have exceptional abilities including exceptional vision and insight into all living things. Moreover, these legendary gnomes of a past mythical race held honesty, hard work, and integrity in high regard. These qualities have all been associated with garden gnomes "and civics teachers" adds Mr. Clemens, "you need those qualities to teach civics." The Clemens Garden Gnome comes complete with green hat and civics text book tucked under the arm. "It's called a plant kingdom," Clemens says, "Therefore civics applies."
Clemens Garden Gnome
The gnome derives his existence from that of the legendary gnome, a small, old man who lived under the ground for the purpose of guarding treasure. He was said to have exceptional abilities including exceptional vision and insight into all living things. Moreover, these legendary gnomes of a past mythical race held honesty, hard work, and integrity in high regard. These qualities have all been associated with garden gnomes "and civics teachers" adds Mr. Clemens, "you need those qualities to teach civics." The Clemens Garden Gnome comes complete with green hat and civics text book tucked under the arm. "It's called a plant kingdom," Clemens says, "Therefore civics applies."
In a Barbie World...
From Toy Fair Magazine 3/2/2012:
An All New Ken
Mattel has made special edition Barbie and Ken dolls for many occasions and Mr. Clemens is no exception. Yesterday Mattel announced it was getting into the civics teacher business with two limited edition Mr. Clemens dolls. The first is Prom Chaperone Clemens, complete with blue tuxedo and pocket napkin. The second one is Village People Clemens. He comes in a special packaging that can be transformed into a multi-colored dance floor. A disco ball is also included. Mattel hopes to have the dolls on the shelves for the Easter season. If these dolls do as well as expected there are planning follow up dolls such as Water Safety Expert Clemens that comes in hovercraft packaging and Lost at Sea Clemens that comes with a tattered outfit, Viking helmet and life preserver. Mattel is aware of the many unauthorized Mr. Clemens dolls on the market and asks consumers to look for the Genuine Ken tag on the doll before purchasing.
An All New Ken
Mattel has made special edition Barbie and Ken dolls for many occasions and Mr. Clemens is no exception. Yesterday Mattel announced it was getting into the civics teacher business with two limited edition Mr. Clemens dolls. The first is Prom Chaperone Clemens, complete with blue tuxedo and pocket napkin. The second one is Village People Clemens. He comes in a special packaging that can be transformed into a multi-colored dance floor. A disco ball is also included. Mattel hopes to have the dolls on the shelves for the Easter season. If these dolls do as well as expected there are planning follow up dolls such as Water Safety Expert Clemens that comes in hovercraft packaging and Lost at Sea Clemens that comes with a tattered outfit, Viking helmet and life preserver. Mattel is aware of the many unauthorized Mr. Clemens dolls on the market and asks consumers to look for the Genuine Ken tag on the doll before purchasing.
Sasclemens?
From Ebay listing 3/1/2012:
A rare, mint card from the 1997 Star Wars Auditions series. This card shows famous Mr. Clemens in his audition for the snow creature known as the Wampa. The Wampa attacks Luke and then gets it's arm cut off by him. The role went to Phil Tippet and, when he could not make it believable, it was changed to a puppet. For the Special Editions released in 1997 it was turned into a CGI character. The back of the card contains a quote from Mr. Clemens
saying that "I can act better than a puppet but maybe not as good as the CGI; but a CGI cannot teach civics..yet."
Star Wars ESB 3D Audition Card Wampa
Item condition: -- New
Time left: 1 day 10 hours (Mar 02, 201220:21:34 PST)
Bid history: 125 bids[Refresh bidhistory]
Starting bid: US $1439.99
Your max bid: US $ (Enter US $149.99 or more)
Price: US $1699.99 Buy It Now
A rare, mint card from the 1997 Star Wars Auditions series. This card shows famous Mr. Clemens in his audition for the snow creature known as the Wampa. The Wampa attacks Luke and then gets it's arm cut off by him. The role went to Phil Tippet and, when he could not make it believable, it was changed to a puppet. For the Special Editions released in 1997 it was turned into a CGI character. The back of the card contains a quote from Mr. Clemens
saying that "I can act better than a puppet but maybe not as good as the CGI; but a CGI cannot teach civics..yet."
Star Wars ESB 3D Audition Card Wampa
Item condition: -- New
Time left: 1 day 10 hours (Mar 02, 201220:21:34 PST)
Bid history: 125 bids[Refresh bidhistory]
Starting bid: US $1439.99
Your max bid: US $ (Enter US $149.99 or more)
Price: US $1699.99 Buy It Now
Smell Like a Teacher....
From the billboard ad 2/29/2012:
When you know you have to face a tough day working with youth or you know you have to be out on the water, there is nothing more important than having the right scent, that is why Mr. Clemens is proud to introduce..Civics. Civics is for that person who wants to tell life they can handle anything that it throws their way. It is for those looking to inspire and impress. Civics is for that special someone who can stand in front of a class and have the confidence to know they smell good. Civics..making scents more better.
When you know you have to face a tough day working with youth or you know you have to be out on the water, there is nothing more important than having the right scent, that is why Mr. Clemens is proud to introduce..Civics. Civics is for that person who wants to tell life they can handle anything that it throws their way. It is for those looking to inspire and impress. Civics is for that special someone who can stand in front of a class and have the confidence to know they smell good. Civics..making scents more better.
From The Hartford Courant 2/29/2012:
Hot Patootie!
(AP) Mr. Clemens may say he is done with musical theater but one of our readers found proof in a playbill form 2010 that this is not the case. Clemens appeared in an off-braodway production of the Rocky Horror Show. Clemens played Dr. Frank N. Furter, an alien scientist from a different planet with questionable morals. Clemens rendition of I can Make you a Man and I'm Going Home brought tears to many audience members eyes. Clemens was eventually let go from the play because he kept changing lyrics. "I know Mr. Clemens means well, "said a co-star who did not wish to be named, "but the name of the song is not Sweet Civics Teacher." Clemens said "There is nothing wrong with adding a little education to entertainment." Clemens also insisted that all cast members wear life jackets in the pool scene. Clemens said his time on Rocky is over and he's hung up his fishnet stockings for good. His wife, however, said her stocking go missing from time to time.
Hot Patootie!
(AP) Mr. Clemens may say he is done with musical theater but one of our readers found proof in a playbill form 2010 that this is not the case. Clemens appeared in an off-braodway production of the Rocky Horror Show. Clemens played Dr. Frank N. Furter, an alien scientist from a different planet with questionable morals. Clemens rendition of I can Make you a Man and I'm Going Home brought tears to many audience members eyes. Clemens was eventually let go from the play because he kept changing lyrics. "I know Mr. Clemens means well, "said a co-star who did not wish to be named, "but the name of the song is not Sweet Civics Teacher." Clemens said "There is nothing wrong with adding a little education to entertainment." Clemens also insisted that all cast members wear life jackets in the pool scene. Clemens said his time on Rocky is over and he's hung up his fishnet stockings for good. His wife, however, said her stocking go missing from time to time.
Clemens to Return Muppets to Television
From TV Gudie 2/29/2012:
They're Baack!
It has just been announced that Mr. Clemens is in negotiations to bring the Muppets back to television. Clemens, of course, was a guest host of the original Muppet Show during the height of his singing career. He was also the understudy for the Swedish Chef and Waldorf when there were technical malfunctions. "Working with the Muppets was great," states Clemens, "It was hard work and things were going wrong a lot, I think that prepared me for a life of middle school teaching." Clemens loved the humor and values that the Muppets represented and hopes to have them back on the air soon. "There will be a few changes. Sam the Eagle will become a civics teacher and not be laughed at all the time and Pepe the Prawn will teach about water safety but in a fun way." Disney, who currently holds the rights to the Muppets, said that the show would air after the next movie comes out. Disney approached Clemens to sing some of his hit songs in the movie but he politely declined.
They're Baack!
It has just been announced that Mr. Clemens is in negotiations to bring the Muppets back to television. Clemens, of course, was a guest host of the original Muppet Show during the height of his singing career. He was also the understudy for the Swedish Chef and Waldorf when there were technical malfunctions. "Working with the Muppets was great," states Clemens, "It was hard work and things were going wrong a lot, I think that prepared me for a life of middle school teaching." Clemens loved the humor and values that the Muppets represented and hopes to have them back on the air soon. "There will be a few changes. Sam the Eagle will become a civics teacher and not be laughed at all the time and Pepe the Prawn will teach about water safety but in a fun way." Disney, who currently holds the rights to the Muppets, said that the show would air after the next movie comes out. Disney approached Clemens to sing some of his hit songs in the movie but he politely declined.
Civics to the Rescue (again)
From Hollywood Reporter 2/28/2012:
Clemens (Again) Pens Time Travel Civics Movie
After the success Mr. Clemens had with his Terminator: Lesson Plans, he thought he had a good thing going with his civics teacher to the rescue motif. "Civics is needed everywhere and can solve any problem." Clemens is fond of saying. He was however, disappointed with the rating of his Terminator movie. "It had such a great message but all the violence made it inaccessible to the younger audience." he explains. This time he has a screenplay that will appeal to all ages, Wall-E 2. At the end of Wall-E, the robots and the Captain were left with the task of forging a new civilization on Earth, only they do not know how to do that. Wall-E finds an old Missing poster from when Mr. Clemens was presumed lost. Wall-E realizes what he must do, go back in time and bring Mr. Clemens to the future to show them how a government works. Wall-E knows he can use the ship to time travel from a recording he has of old Star Trek episodes. "I don't want to give too much away," Clemens says excitedly, "but the ships auto-pilot tries to stop them and regain control. In the end, Civics wins out. It is a win-win movie for everyone." Pixar has yet to comment on a release date or even a start date for the project. Mr. Clemens is not worried by that. "This project will make lives more better, how can they not do it?"
Clemens (Again) Pens Time Travel Civics Movie
After the success Mr. Clemens had with his Terminator: Lesson Plans, he thought he had a good thing going with his civics teacher to the rescue motif. "Civics is needed everywhere and can solve any problem." Clemens is fond of saying. He was however, disappointed with the rating of his Terminator movie. "It had such a great message but all the violence made it inaccessible to the younger audience." he explains. This time he has a screenplay that will appeal to all ages, Wall-E 2. At the end of Wall-E, the robots and the Captain were left with the task of forging a new civilization on Earth, only they do not know how to do that. Wall-E finds an old Missing poster from when Mr. Clemens was presumed lost. Wall-E realizes what he must do, go back in time and bring Mr. Clemens to the future to show them how a government works. Wall-E knows he can use the ship to time travel from a recording he has of old Star Trek episodes. "I don't want to give too much away," Clemens says excitedly, "but the ships auto-pilot tries to stop them and regain control. In the end, Civics wins out. It is a win-win movie for everyone." Pixar has yet to comment on a release date or even a start date for the project. Mr. Clemens is not worried by that. "This project will make lives more better, how can they not do it?"
Everyday I'm Hustlin'
From the Hartford Courant 2/28/2012:
Dance School (AP) The recent excitement about the CMT pep rally has gotten Mr. Clemens to dig out his old threads. "I am so happy that they are going to be playing the Bee-Gees and of course the Village People." states Clemens. Clemens, a master of the disco era, has volunteered to teach the school principal all of his signature moves. "After all," continues Clemens, "if Mr. Travaglini is going to dance to my music he should do it right." Clemens has volunterred to show any staff memeber at his school how to do the Hustle if asked. "It is the least I can do to keep that era alive for those of us who lived it." |
Will Teach for Food
From the Hartford Courant 2/27/2012:
Ups and Downs
(AP) We have all had rough patches in life but it takes a real strong individual to overcome those obstacles and make something of themselves. Mr. Clemens was one of those people. "I was going through a real tough time," explains Clemens, "Everybody wanted teachers that would teach to the test. There was no room left for content teachers like myself." Clemens used to preach civics from street corners and doorways until one fateful day. "I realized that there was one place where content was still needed, and that was middle school." It takes a brave individual to navigate the dark, treacherous waters of middle school, but Clemens had lots of experience with treacherous waters, "I fell into them often enough." he elaborates. Clemens traded in his homeless existence, broken up only by movie roles and concerts, and became a middle school teacher. "The rest is history," says Clemens, "but that is a different content area."
Ups and Downs
(AP) We have all had rough patches in life but it takes a real strong individual to overcome those obstacles and make something of themselves. Mr. Clemens was one of those people. "I was going through a real tough time," explains Clemens, "Everybody wanted teachers that would teach to the test. There was no room left for content teachers like myself." Clemens used to preach civics from street corners and doorways until one fateful day. "I realized that there was one place where content was still needed, and that was middle school." It takes a brave individual to navigate the dark, treacherous waters of middle school, but Clemens had lots of experience with treacherous waters, "I fell into them often enough." he elaborates. Clemens traded in his homeless existence, broken up only by movie roles and concerts, and became a middle school teacher. "The rest is history," says Clemens, "but that is a different content area."
Money, Money, Money!
From Toy Fair Magazine 2/27/2012:
Plastic Clemens!
With his rising popularity it was only a matter of time before the toy world took notice of Mr. Clemens. We at Toy Fair are pleases to bring you a first look at what are sure to be the hottest toys for Christmas 2012. First is the cute, retro toy Cabbage Patch Clemens. Cabbage Patch Clemens is made of soft materials and plastic and is good for children of all ages. A deluxe version is available with a pull string that makes Mr. Clemens say, "Civics makes lives more better." and "Water safety is no laughing matter." The second is from the Star Wars range of action figures. George Lucas, never one to shy away from making a dollar, has commissioned a limited edition Darth Clemens action figure. "Clemens is a tragic figure, much like Anakin was. He goes to the Dark Side in a vain attempt to stop linking teachers jobs with test scores. Like Anakin, Clemens does the wrong things for the right reasons." Explains Lucas. Clemens thought the toys were "nifty" but only agreed to let them do it if a portion of the profit went to the Clemens Hospital for the Shipwrecked and Nearly Drowned.
Plastic Clemens!
With his rising popularity it was only a matter of time before the toy world took notice of Mr. Clemens. We at Toy Fair are pleases to bring you a first look at what are sure to be the hottest toys for Christmas 2012. First is the cute, retro toy Cabbage Patch Clemens. Cabbage Patch Clemens is made of soft materials and plastic and is good for children of all ages. A deluxe version is available with a pull string that makes Mr. Clemens say, "Civics makes lives more better." and "Water safety is no laughing matter." The second is from the Star Wars range of action figures. George Lucas, never one to shy away from making a dollar, has commissioned a limited edition Darth Clemens action figure. "Clemens is a tragic figure, much like Anakin was. He goes to the Dark Side in a vain attempt to stop linking teachers jobs with test scores. Like Anakin, Clemens does the wrong things for the right reasons." Explains Lucas. Clemens thought the toys were "nifty" but only agreed to let them do it if a portion of the profit went to the Clemens Hospital for the Shipwrecked and Nearly Drowned.
Clemens Musical History
From the Hartford Courant Living Section 2/26/2012:
The Music Man of Hartford!
(AP) There has been much discussion over Mr. Clemens' musical past. The Hartford Courant has put together a cursory time line. The pictures provided above show that Mr. Clemens love of music and dance began at an early age.
The Music Man of Hartford!
(AP) There has been much discussion over Mr. Clemens' musical past. The Hartford Courant has put together a cursory time line. The pictures provided above show that Mr. Clemens love of music and dance began at an early age.
Clemens' big break came when he was vacationing in England. To pay for that vacation, Clemens worked and sang at a Mexican restaurant in Liverpool. Ringo Starr had gotten a bad case of food poisoning at the Mexican restaurant where Clemens was working. Conspiracy theories aside, Clemens ended up filling in for Ringo for a few months. Clemens enjoyed the gig and was ready for a professional band all his own so when Ringo returned Clemens and a few of his friends formed the Village People.
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Clemens left the group he founded over creative differences before they really got famous. He worked for a while as an Elvis impersonator while sharpening his acting career. Clemens got his teaching degree and in the early 80s had some success as the rapping civics teacher Vanilla Clemens, hence the star spangled outfit. For a brief time in the 80s Clemens joined the KISS line up as well. He was the reason they decided to remove their make up and, for reasons that have never been made clear, the reason they put their make up back on. After KISS Clemens did Broadway work and had some solo gigs.
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It can also now be revealed that Mr. Clemens was in fact Slash of Guns and Roses fame. No one made the connection at the time since Clemens always made sure that his hair covered his face. "It was not that I was ashamed of my job," explains Clemens, "I just did not want the students to know what I did on my free time. Also, I was afraid it would detract from their education or their parents would keep asking me for autographs." Clemens insists that his musical past is behind him but he has been known to sing a few of his old songs upon request. "I don't mind singing for my friends every now and then but my true love is teaching middle school."
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Rare Picture Found!
From Hartford Courant 2/26/2012:
Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys!
(AP) Having recently learned that Mr. Clemens spends a lot of his summers on Broadway, The Hartford Courant went looking for other plays that Mr. Clemens may have appeared in. While none have been found so far, this picture shows that Mr. Clemens' first role in the Wizard of Oz was not the Cowardly Lion but one of the witches flying monkeys. We have no confirmation from Mr. Clemens if he played the same role in Wicked like the rumors suggest.
Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys!
(AP) Having recently learned that Mr. Clemens spends a lot of his summers on Broadway, The Hartford Courant went looking for other plays that Mr. Clemens may have appeared in. While none have been found so far, this picture shows that Mr. Clemens' first role in the Wizard of Oz was not the Cowardly Lion but one of the witches flying monkeys. We have no confirmation from Mr. Clemens if he played the same role in Wicked like the rumors suggest.
We're Off to See the Clemens!
From Hartford Courant 2/24/2012:
Travolta Shares Clemens Musical Past!
(AP) Continuing his interview from earlier Travolta stated; "Although the world gained a great civics teacher it lost a phenomenal stage actor. I first saw Clemens in a revival of the Wizard of Oz. This was a few years after he had been not so good on our show. Man he could dance. He even showed me some of the moves I used in Saturday Night Fever." Travolta explains that he lost track of Clemens for a while but caught him again in the Broadway premiere of Phantom of the Opera. "Move over Michael Crawford, this guy's Music of the Night brought the audience to tears." Travolta elaborates, "But it was his performance as Edna in Hairspray which encouraged me to take the same role in the film." Travolta thinks it is a shame that Clemens turned his back on music. "I really hope he does come back to the theater in the summer time when school is out. I know that is where his true passions lay."
Travolta Shares Clemens Musical Past!
(AP) Continuing his interview from earlier Travolta stated; "Although the world gained a great civics teacher it lost a phenomenal stage actor. I first saw Clemens in a revival of the Wizard of Oz. This was a few years after he had been not so good on our show. Man he could dance. He even showed me some of the moves I used in Saturday Night Fever." Travolta explains that he lost track of Clemens for a while but caught him again in the Broadway premiere of Phantom of the Opera. "Move over Michael Crawford, this guy's Music of the Night brought the audience to tears." Travolta elaborates, "But it was his performance as Edna in Hairspray which encouraged me to take the same role in the film." Travolta thinks it is a shame that Clemens turned his back on music. "I really hope he does come back to the theater in the summer time when school is out. I know that is where his true passions lay."
Welcome Back Clemens
From the Hartford Courant 2/24/2012:
The Passion of the Clemens
(AP) Famed teacher Mr. Clemens sat down for an interview with us and spoke of how is passion for teaching came about. “It was in the late seventies,” Clemens explains, “I had recently left the Village People and my acting career was not going so good. I got an odd call from my agent who asked me if I would like to be a substitute civics teacher at James Buchanan High.” Clemens went on to say that even though he was a student of civics that he did not have any teaching experience.”I went in there and taught for three days and absolutely loved it. That was when I knew I had to rush out and become a certified civics teacher.” John Travolta, who worked with Clemens then, remembers it differently. “I remember Mr. Clemens. He was supposed to come in as a guest star on the show and be a sub or something like that. Somehow the script never made it to him, so he shows up and starts teaching us like we were really Sweathogs.” Travolta laughs, “He did such a good job teaching that myself and the other actors did not have the heart to tell him his role was only supposed to be about ten lines. We learned a lot of cool stuff but Mr. Clemens’ part had to be recast because he never did say any of the lines he was supposed to. Until this day I don’t think he ever realized that. He was a great singer and had some success with that but he did not seem happy doing it. I’m glad he has found success in his career as a teacher, however.”
The Passion of the Clemens
(AP) Famed teacher Mr. Clemens sat down for an interview with us and spoke of how is passion for teaching came about. “It was in the late seventies,” Clemens explains, “I had recently left the Village People and my acting career was not going so good. I got an odd call from my agent who asked me if I would like to be a substitute civics teacher at James Buchanan High.” Clemens went on to say that even though he was a student of civics that he did not have any teaching experience.”I went in there and taught for three days and absolutely loved it. That was when I knew I had to rush out and become a certified civics teacher.” John Travolta, who worked with Clemens then, remembers it differently. “I remember Mr. Clemens. He was supposed to come in as a guest star on the show and be a sub or something like that. Somehow the script never made it to him, so he shows up and starts teaching us like we were really Sweathogs.” Travolta laughs, “He did such a good job teaching that myself and the other actors did not have the heart to tell him his role was only supposed to be about ten lines. We learned a lot of cool stuff but Mr. Clemens’ part had to be recast because he never did say any of the lines he was supposed to. Until this day I don’t think he ever realized that. He was a great singer and had some success with that but he did not seem happy doing it. I’m glad he has found success in his career as a teacher, however.”
Braving the Storm!
Education No Matter What
It is good to know that even when an unexpected snow storm hits and other school districts cancel, that Mr. Clemens always finds a way to work. Clemens got on his pet Tauntaun and rode to school. "Despite what has been said, they do smell bad on the outside." Clemens explains. "His dedication to his students is really amazing," States co-worker Ms. Horan, "I mean he is an inspiration to teachers everywhere." In these days when staff call out to take care of their children it is comforting to know that civics will still be taught to those that are there.
It is good to know that even when an unexpected snow storm hits and other school districts cancel, that Mr. Clemens always finds a way to work. Clemens got on his pet Tauntaun and rode to school. "Despite what has been said, they do smell bad on the outside." Clemens explains. "His dedication to his students is really amazing," States co-worker Ms. Horan, "I mean he is an inspiration to teachers everywhere." In these days when staff call out to take care of their children it is comforting to know that civics will still be taught to those that are there.
He's Got the Moves Like Jagger!
From Rolling Stone 2/23/2012:
Clemens: The Musical
(AP) Mr. Clemens may have thought that he was done with his music career but music is not done with him. Legendary film director Martin Scorsese has teamed up again with the Rolling Stones to produce a musical based on the life of Mr. Clemens. “Mr. Clemens has just had an amazing life, if you look at all the obstacles he’s had to overcome and being lost in space..his story just screams musical.” Explains Scorsese. Mick Jagger, who is also a big Mr. Clemens fan, was proud to re-work some of his more popular songs. People going to the show can expect to hear such songs as Jumping Jack Flashcards , Let’s Take the Test Together, Sympathy for the Clemens, Gimme Civics, Fell off of my boat , Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo, Scooby Doo (The Heartbreak Song),and Time is on my Side (the tenure song).
Clemens: The Musical
(AP) Mr. Clemens may have thought that he was done with his music career but music is not done with him. Legendary film director Martin Scorsese has teamed up again with the Rolling Stones to produce a musical based on the life of Mr. Clemens. “Mr. Clemens has just had an amazing life, if you look at all the obstacles he’s had to overcome and being lost in space..his story just screams musical.” Explains Scorsese. Mick Jagger, who is also a big Mr. Clemens fan, was proud to re-work some of his more popular songs. People going to the show can expect to hear such songs as Jumping Jack Flashcards , Let’s Take the Test Together, Sympathy for the Clemens, Gimme Civics, Fell off of my boat , Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo, Scooby Doo (The Heartbreak Song),and Time is on my Side (the tenure song).
Things that almost were....
From TV Guide 2/23/2012:
Clemens Remembered:
After Mr. Clemens was reported lost, many publications created special memorial issues, TV Guide was one of them. Here is a brief look at their Clemens issue that was never published. In this issue TV Guide examined the TV shows that Clemens fans did not get to see.
The Return of Scooby Doo. In this remake of the old classic Mr. Clemens was to portray Shaggy but the executives at Cartoon Network did not like the direction Mr. Clemens wanted to take with the character. "I thought Shaggy should get a haircut and go back to school." Mr. Clemens explained. "Didn't strike anyone else as weird that four teenagers were driving around the country with no adult supervision?" Clemens thought Shaggy should get a Civics Degree and solve real mysteries like what happen to Jimmy Hoffa?
Mr. Clemens: Civics Genius. In this animated series for Nick Jr., Clemens was going to voice himself as a young man using his civics knowledge to solve neighborhood problems and disputes.
Bear with Me. This was an interesting concept. Mr. Clemens was planning on going undercover to study and expose the social and political aspects of bear society."I always had a suspicion that bears were more organized than we suspected, why else would the Founding Fathers say they have the rights to arms?" Clemens elaborated, "I borrowed Mr. Beck's Ewok costume and a camera." After spending nearly a month in the hospital recovering from serious injuries, Clemens decided to try a friendlier animal and that is where Clemens the Civics Frog came from.
Clemens Remembered:
After Mr. Clemens was reported lost, many publications created special memorial issues, TV Guide was one of them. Here is a brief look at their Clemens issue that was never published. In this issue TV Guide examined the TV shows that Clemens fans did not get to see.
The Return of Scooby Doo. In this remake of the old classic Mr. Clemens was to portray Shaggy but the executives at Cartoon Network did not like the direction Mr. Clemens wanted to take with the character. "I thought Shaggy should get a haircut and go back to school." Mr. Clemens explained. "Didn't strike anyone else as weird that four teenagers were driving around the country with no adult supervision?" Clemens thought Shaggy should get a Civics Degree and solve real mysteries like what happen to Jimmy Hoffa?
Mr. Clemens: Civics Genius. In this animated series for Nick Jr., Clemens was going to voice himself as a young man using his civics knowledge to solve neighborhood problems and disputes.
Bear with Me. This was an interesting concept. Mr. Clemens was planning on going undercover to study and expose the social and political aspects of bear society."I always had a suspicion that bears were more organized than we suspected, why else would the Founding Fathers say they have the rights to arms?" Clemens elaborated, "I borrowed Mr. Beck's Ewok costume and a camera." After spending nearly a month in the hospital recovering from serious injuries, Clemens decided to try a friendlier animal and that is where Clemens the Civics Frog came from.
Best form of flattery.
From Hollywood Reporter 2/22/2012:
Mini-Clemens
(AP) They say that imitation is the best form of flattery, if this is true Civics teacher Mr. Clemens should feel very flattered. A new breed of imitators has sprung up around the civics teacher. "There is a high demand for Mr. Clemens at children's parties," Says one Clemens impersonator, "A person can make a good living at it." He has gotten so popular in fact that the character of mini-me in the Austin Powers films has been replaced by Mini-Clemens. "It was not that hard of a character to get into," said actor Verne Troyer, "All I have to do is teach civics and fall out of boats and I'm all set." As of right now there is no truth to the rumors that Mr. Clemens may make an appearance in the movie.
Mini-Clemens
(AP) They say that imitation is the best form of flattery, if this is true Civics teacher Mr. Clemens should feel very flattered. A new breed of imitators has sprung up around the civics teacher. "There is a high demand for Mr. Clemens at children's parties," Says one Clemens impersonator, "A person can make a good living at it." He has gotten so popular in fact that the character of mini-me in the Austin Powers films has been replaced by Mini-Clemens. "It was not that hard of a character to get into," said actor Verne Troyer, "All I have to do is teach civics and fall out of boats and I'm all set." As of right now there is no truth to the rumors that Mr. Clemens may make an appearance in the movie.
It was only a matter of time....
(Click to enlarge)
2/21/2012:
Enquirer Late Edition:
It was only a matter of time before the tabloids got involved!
Enquirer Late Edition:
It was only a matter of time before the tabloids got involved!
Clemens at Mardi Gras
From New Orleans Herald 2/21/2012:
Popular Teacher at party
(AP) Photographic evidence has come to light of Mr. Clemens attending Mardi Gras. "I did not attend." Clemens insisted, "I stopped off on m way back from Florida. I was hungry and knew that places there would be open all night." When asked about his costume Clemens replied, "I'm not wearing one. You would be pale too after the weekend I've had." If this is the case we sincerely hope someone gives Mr. Clemens some fashion tips.
Popular Teacher at party
(AP) Photographic evidence has come to light of Mr. Clemens attending Mardi Gras. "I did not attend." Clemens insisted, "I stopped off on m way back from Florida. I was hungry and knew that places there would be open all night." When asked about his costume Clemens replied, "I'm not wearing one. You would be pale too after the weekend I've had." If this is the case we sincerely hope someone gives Mr. Clemens some fashion tips.
Mardi Gras Sensation
from New Orleans Herald 2/21/2012:
Clemens Represented
(AP) Despite denials that stopped off in New Orleans on his way back to Naylor, Mr. Clemens was represented at Mardi Gras. "After all that he had been through we thought he needed a good time," Stated one party goer. "WIth his dedication to teaching we were not sure if he could make the party so we decided to have one in his honor." Stated another attender. Clemens was back at his school first thing in the morning but had no comment for his tired appearance or the beads hanging out of his pocket.
Clemens Represented
(AP) Despite denials that stopped off in New Orleans on his way back to Naylor, Mr. Clemens was represented at Mardi Gras. "After all that he had been through we thought he needed a good time," Stated one party goer. "WIth his dedication to teaching we were not sure if he could make the party so we decided to have one in his honor." Stated another attender. Clemens was back at his school first thing in the morning but had no comment for his tired appearance or the beads hanging out of his pocket.
Leaping into the unknown
From the Harford Courant 2/21/2012:
Clemens TV show Delayed
(AP) Young fans of Mr. Clemens were eagerly awaiting the debut of his new show, Clemens the Civics Frog, but they will have to wait a little longer. Mr. Clemens has decided to change the format of his show based on his recent experiences with the Travaglinis. “I realized how many famous frogs there are, Kermit, Izzy, Jeremiah the Bullfrog, etc.” Clemens explains, “but there have been only two good aliens, not counting the ones who look human, E.T. and Alf.” Clemens decided that Clemens the Civics Frog will be changed to Clemens the Civics Alien once a final design had been approved. “I was going to call it Clemens and the Travaglinis but that sounds like a singing group and I am done with that part of my career.”
Clemens TV show Delayed
(AP) Young fans of Mr. Clemens were eagerly awaiting the debut of his new show, Clemens the Civics Frog, but they will have to wait a little longer. Mr. Clemens has decided to change the format of his show based on his recent experiences with the Travaglinis. “I realized how many famous frogs there are, Kermit, Izzy, Jeremiah the Bullfrog, etc.” Clemens explains, “but there have been only two good aliens, not counting the ones who look human, E.T. and Alf.” Clemens decided that Clemens the Civics Frog will be changed to Clemens the Civics Alien once a final design had been approved. “I was going to call it Clemens and the Travaglinis but that sounds like a singing group and I am done with that part of my career.”
Mr. Clemens Phone Home
From the Hartford Courant 2/20/2012:
Clemens Returns with Proof of Extra-Terrestrial Life!
(AP) Mr. Clemens stated that he had news that would shock the world and he was not joking. He gave us proof that E.T. does exist. At his press conference Clemens spoke about how he survived being sucked down a wormhole and what he found on the other side. “I found myself on another planet. The natives were really helpful once they were convinced I wasn’t a hoax by one of their scientists.” Clemens explained. “They were friendly, really tall and had big eyes that never blinked when you spoke with them so I decided to call them Travaglinis. My students say that our principal never blinks when he speaks with them.” Due to an unfortunate communication glitch the Travaglinis do not recognize the people of Earth as humans. “I introduced myself as Mr. Clemens, Civics Teacher. They understood that Mr. Clemens was my name but thought Civics Teacher was the name of my species, so all humans are now Civics Teachers.” There was a time differential on the other side of the wormhole so while only a few hours passed on Earth Clemens was two months in the past. Clemens “hung out” with the Travaglinis. “They are very close to us both socially and technologically.” Elaborates Clemens, “Their scientists figured out when the wormhole was going to open again and shot me through it using their space program. It was bright on their side of it this time.” As always happens when the subject of aliens comes up someone asked about probes; Clemens responded, “They do not have probes like the tabloids report but I had to take some pretty painful standardized tests to prove I was intelligent.” The Travaglinis gave Clemens the printed photo (left) to prove that he was there since all recording devices were wiped traveling through the wormhole. Clemens said he would share more of his adventures with the Travaglinis but had to return to Hartford so he could have his lesson plans ready for his students on Tuesday.
Clemens Returns with Proof of Extra-Terrestrial Life!
(AP) Mr. Clemens stated that he had news that would shock the world and he was not joking. He gave us proof that E.T. does exist. At his press conference Clemens spoke about how he survived being sucked down a wormhole and what he found on the other side. “I found myself on another planet. The natives were really helpful once they were convinced I wasn’t a hoax by one of their scientists.” Clemens explained. “They were friendly, really tall and had big eyes that never blinked when you spoke with them so I decided to call them Travaglinis. My students say that our principal never blinks when he speaks with them.” Due to an unfortunate communication glitch the Travaglinis do not recognize the people of Earth as humans. “I introduced myself as Mr. Clemens, Civics Teacher. They understood that Mr. Clemens was my name but thought Civics Teacher was the name of my species, so all humans are now Civics Teachers.” There was a time differential on the other side of the wormhole so while only a few hours passed on Earth Clemens was two months in the past. Clemens “hung out” with the Travaglinis. “They are very close to us both socially and technologically.” Elaborates Clemens, “Their scientists figured out when the wormhole was going to open again and shot me through it using their space program. It was bright on their side of it this time.” As always happens when the subject of aliens comes up someone asked about probes; Clemens responded, “They do not have probes like the tabloids report but I had to take some pretty painful standardized tests to prove I was intelligent.” The Travaglinis gave Clemens the printed photo (left) to prove that he was there since all recording devices were wiped traveling through the wormhole. Clemens said he would share more of his adventures with the Travaglinis but had to return to Hartford so he could have his lesson plans ready for his students on Tuesday.
Clemens Recovered!
(click to enlarge)
From The New York Times 2/20/2012:
Mr. Clemens Found Alive!
(AP) Famed civics teacher Mr. Clemens was recovered alive NASA confirmed moments ago. Although no explanation is being given at this moment, it appears as if Mr. Clemens just appeared out of nowhere in his space suit. Clemens and NASA are remaining silent but are planning a press conference for later today. Updates can be found on our website.
Mr. Clemens Found Alive!
(AP) Famed civics teacher Mr. Clemens was recovered alive NASA confirmed moments ago. Although no explanation is being given at this moment, it appears as if Mr. Clemens just appeared out of nowhere in his space suit. Clemens and NASA are remaining silent but are planning a press conference for later today. Updates can be found on our website.
Immortalized
From Gamers Digest Online 2/19/2012:
Mr. Clemens to Live On!
It may be in bad taste, it may be too soon but the creator of the hit game, Plants Vs. Zombies, is a huge Mr. Clemens fan. George Fan (his real name) is a huge Mr. Clemens fan and wanted to immortalize him. "I know many people who play the game think the dancing zombie is based on Michael Jackson but it is in fact based on Mr. Clemens. Anyone who saw his Riverdance show knows he can really move." George stated that although he has those fond memories and that Mr. Clemens will always live on for him, there are many who will not have that experience. That is why he decided to add a downloadable Mr. Clemens into the game. "I know it might not be the most appropriate tribute, but it is one that comes from the heart. This is how his students should remember him, goatee and Viking helmet." Fan went on about what a loss to the world losing Clemens is but hopes that this will help his students in some small way.
Mr. Clemens to Live On!
It may be in bad taste, it may be too soon but the creator of the hit game, Plants Vs. Zombies, is a huge Mr. Clemens fan. George Fan (his real name) is a huge Mr. Clemens fan and wanted to immortalize him. "I know many people who play the game think the dancing zombie is based on Michael Jackson but it is in fact based on Mr. Clemens. Anyone who saw his Riverdance show knows he can really move." George stated that although he has those fond memories and that Mr. Clemens will always live on for him, there are many who will not have that experience. That is why he decided to add a downloadable Mr. Clemens into the game. "I know it might not be the most appropriate tribute, but it is one that comes from the heart. This is how his students should remember him, goatee and Viking helmet." Fan went on about what a loss to the world losing Clemens is but hopes that this will help his students in some small way.
The World Mourns
From the Hartford Courant Online 2/19/2012:
America's Favorite teacher Lost
(AP) The word of Mr. Clemens demise has sent shock waves around the world. "He survived so much," One former student lamented, "I can't believe he is gone". Public displays of mourning have been popping up all over the world from Hartford to Bejing. The outpouring of affection has left no corner of the world untouched. "He was such an inspiration," States one fan, "that is why I had him tattooed on my head instead of my favorite football team." President Obama has declared this a National Day of Mourning and it is the first thing in Washington that has had the support of both parties in a long time. "Mr. Clemens did a lot of good for a lot of people," Obama intoned, "To use his own words he made a lot of peoples lives more better. Clemens was a role model to a lot of us and he will be missed." The Clemens family has asked that their privacy be respected but family friend Mr. Tashjian said that all donations could be made to the Clemens Hospital for the Shipwrecked and Nearly Drowned or made out to him personally.
America's Favorite teacher Lost
(AP) The word of Mr. Clemens demise has sent shock waves around the world. "He survived so much," One former student lamented, "I can't believe he is gone". Public displays of mourning have been popping up all over the world from Hartford to Bejing. The outpouring of affection has left no corner of the world untouched. "He was such an inspiration," States one fan, "that is why I had him tattooed on my head instead of my favorite football team." President Obama has declared this a National Day of Mourning and it is the first thing in Washington that has had the support of both parties in a long time. "Mr. Clemens did a lot of good for a lot of people," Obama intoned, "To use his own words he made a lot of peoples lives more better. Clemens was a role model to a lot of us and he will be missed." The Clemens family has asked that their privacy be respected but family friend Mr. Tashjian said that all donations could be made to the Clemens Hospital for the Shipwrecked and Nearly Drowned or made out to him personally.
National Tragedy
From CNN 2/19/2012:
(AP) Just moments ago a wormhole opened up outside the space station and swallowed Mr. Clemens before it closed again. Clemens had somehow managed to fall "overboard" and out of the space shuttle just moments previously. All that was found was his Viking helmet floating in space. At this time Mr. Clemens is presumed lost. Experts cannot explain where the wormhole came from as no one have ever seen one out science fiction programs before. It is a national tragedy. The flags in the Naylor School atrium will be lowered to half-mast on Tuesday when students return,
(AP) Just moments ago a wormhole opened up outside the space station and swallowed Mr. Clemens before it closed again. Clemens had somehow managed to fall "overboard" and out of the space shuttle just moments previously. All that was found was his Viking helmet floating in space. At this time Mr. Clemens is presumed lost. Experts cannot explain where the wormhole came from as no one have ever seen one out science fiction programs before. It is a national tragedy. The flags in the Naylor School atrium will be lowered to half-mast on Tuesday when students return,
Moonwalking!
From National Geographic 2/19/2012:
Civics Teacher Reaches New Heights
The Head of the Office of Water Safety and Head of the Civics Department at Naylor Leadership Academy Mr. Clemens, made history today as the first civics teacher to walk in space. "Walking in space is kind of like being underwater," Clemens explained, "And I have been underwater a lot, not always on purpose. Just like being underwater you need a special suit and oxygen if you want to survive." Clemens found the view breathtaking but was disappointed that he could not see his house from here. "You know how when you are up really high and everyone looks like insects? I was looking forward to that but I guess from this height everyone would be microscopic." Clemens is expected to remain in open space for a few hours before returning to the shuttle then docking with the space station. Although Clemens is there on vacation he is going to check the safety of the water storage aboard the station. "You can never be to careful around water, especially when there is no gravity so you do not have to actually fall out of something to land in it."
Civics Teacher Reaches New Heights
The Head of the Office of Water Safety and Head of the Civics Department at Naylor Leadership Academy Mr. Clemens, made history today as the first civics teacher to walk in space. "Walking in space is kind of like being underwater," Clemens explained, "And I have been underwater a lot, not always on purpose. Just like being underwater you need a special suit and oxygen if you want to survive." Clemens found the view breathtaking but was disappointed that he could not see his house from here. "You know how when you are up really high and everyone looks like insects? I was looking forward to that but I guess from this height everyone would be microscopic." Clemens is expected to remain in open space for a few hours before returning to the shuttle then docking with the space station. Although Clemens is there on vacation he is going to check the safety of the water storage aboard the station. "You can never be to careful around water, especially when there is no gravity so you do not have to actually fall out of something to land in it."
Clemens in Space!
From Orlando Sentinel 2/18/2012:
Civics Teacher Joy Rides in Space
(AP) Civics teacher Mr. Clemens made history today by being the first civics teacher to leave the planet. He is also the first person to have his picture emblazoned on the shuttle. "That was really cool" He stated, "I had to get in by going through my nostril. It was like that Hitchcock film at Mt. Rushmore!" Clemens is currently in orbit and preparing for his spacewalk. "I wanted to take one of my dogs on the space walk with me." Clemens commented, "But I was told no. I brought the leash and everything. I then asked if I could bring one of my students with me. Like I said, I had a leash but again I was told no. I was also told that I watch too many movies." Despite this setback Clemens is looking forward to his spacewalk. After the walk tomorrow morning the shuttle will dock with the space station and Clemens will spend the night on board. He will return to Earth on Monday so he can be back at his post on Tuesday. "I already deprived my students of one day of civics lessons, it would be unfair of me to deny them a second day."
Civics Teacher Joy Rides in Space
(AP) Civics teacher Mr. Clemens made history today by being the first civics teacher to leave the planet. He is also the first person to have his picture emblazoned on the shuttle. "That was really cool" He stated, "I had to get in by going through my nostril. It was like that Hitchcock film at Mt. Rushmore!" Clemens is currently in orbit and preparing for his spacewalk. "I wanted to take one of my dogs on the space walk with me." Clemens commented, "But I was told no. I brought the leash and everything. I then asked if I could bring one of my students with me. Like I said, I had a leash but again I was told no. I was also told that I watch too many movies." Despite this setback Clemens is looking forward to his spacewalk. After the walk tomorrow morning the shuttle will dock with the space station and Clemens will spend the night on board. He will return to Earth on Monday so he can be back at his post on Tuesday. "I already deprived my students of one day of civics lessons, it would be unfair of me to deny them a second day."
Clemens Safe (for now)
From Orlando Sentinel 2/17/2012:
Clemens at NASA
(AP) Mr. Clemens has been found safe and sound at Cape Canaveral in Florida. Clemens was unaware of the fuss that his absence raised. "first of all I want to apologize to my students for not being there for them today. I know I had a good sub but I hope to make my absence up to them." Said Clemens starting off his press conference. Clemens added that he just confused on his dates. "I had an appointment at NASA and thought it was next weekend but it was this one so I had to hurry to get to Florida." Clemens won a weekend getaway to the International Space Station and will be launching first thing in the morning. "I plan to take lots of pictures and share them with my civics class when I return to school on Tuesday." Clemens will be one of the first American space tourists and the only one that gets his own chauffeured space shuttle. "I'm so excited. I wonder if they will let me open the moon roof?" We can only hope that the last statement was a joke. The Sentinel will be covering the launch as it occurs.
Clemens at NASA
(AP) Mr. Clemens has been found safe and sound at Cape Canaveral in Florida. Clemens was unaware of the fuss that his absence raised. "first of all I want to apologize to my students for not being there for them today. I know I had a good sub but I hope to make my absence up to them." Said Clemens starting off his press conference. Clemens added that he just confused on his dates. "I had an appointment at NASA and thought it was next weekend but it was this one so I had to hurry to get to Florida." Clemens won a weekend getaway to the International Space Station and will be launching first thing in the morning. "I plan to take lots of pictures and share them with my civics class when I return to school on Tuesday." Clemens will be one of the first American space tourists and the only one that gets his own chauffeured space shuttle. "I'm so excited. I wonder if they will let me open the moon roof?" We can only hope that the last statement was a joke. The Sentinel will be covering the launch as it occurs.
Clemens Spotted!
From Miami Star 2/17/2012:
Mr. Clemens in Florida!
(AP) Missing person Mr. Clemens was recently spotted in Miami Florida. Local Resident Dexter Morgan, seen here, spotted Mr. Clemens driving down I-95 in a big hurry. "I was following the story of Mr. Clemens disappearance very closely," confides Morgan, "It sounded like someone did something bad to him and I have always had an interest in people who do bad things." Morgan stated that he recognized Clemens from his picture in the paper. Morgan works for the Miami police but by the time he got word to the right division, he had lost Mr. Clemens. "I'm glad that Mr. Clemens is all right but I cannot help but wonder where he was going in such a hurry." Added Morgan. An APB has been issued on Clemens but there have been no further sightings.
Mr. Clemens in Florida!
(AP) Missing person Mr. Clemens was recently spotted in Miami Florida. Local Resident Dexter Morgan, seen here, spotted Mr. Clemens driving down I-95 in a big hurry. "I was following the story of Mr. Clemens disappearance very closely," confides Morgan, "It sounded like someone did something bad to him and I have always had an interest in people who do bad things." Morgan stated that he recognized Clemens from his picture in the paper. Morgan works for the Miami police but by the time he got word to the right division, he had lost Mr. Clemens. "I'm glad that Mr. Clemens is all right but I cannot help but wonder where he was going in such a hurry." Added Morgan. An APB has been issued on Clemens but there have been no further sightings.
Dog gone sad.
From Dog Fancy Magazine 2/17/2012:
Help Chelsea!
This is an emergency alert from the Dog Fancy Website!
Chelsea has lost her master! Please help her find Mr. Clemens!
She is offering a two treat plus one treed cat reward.
If found please contact Chelsea through the Bark Network.
Help Chelsea!
This is an emergency alert from the Dog Fancy Website!
Chelsea has lost her master! Please help her find Mr. Clemens!
She is offering a two treat plus one treed cat reward.
If found please contact Chelsea through the Bark Network.
GONE!!!!
From the Hartford Courant 2/17/2012:
Missing!!
(AP) Head of the Department of Water Safety and civics teacher Mr. Clemens has gone missing. Despite his promise to return to the classroom Mr. Clemens failed to show to teach his class this morning. “It has to be foul play!” A co-worker stated, “Mr. Clemens dedication to middle school is well known and he would not disappoint his students like that. Who will teach civics now?” There are many rumors circulating about Mr. Clemens’ disappearance but the last time he was absent he was thought lost at sea. Is this another hug avoidance issue or something more serious? If anyone has any information regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Clemens they are urged to call the Department of Water Safety and Naylor Leadership Academy at once.
Missing!!
(AP) Head of the Department of Water Safety and civics teacher Mr. Clemens has gone missing. Despite his promise to return to the classroom Mr. Clemens failed to show to teach his class this morning. “It has to be foul play!” A co-worker stated, “Mr. Clemens dedication to middle school is well known and he would not disappoint his students like that. Who will teach civics now?” There are many rumors circulating about Mr. Clemens’ disappearance but the last time he was absent he was thought lost at sea. Is this another hug avoidance issue or something more serious? If anyone has any information regarding the whereabouts of Mr. Clemens they are urged to call the Department of Water Safety and Naylor Leadership Academy at once.
Clemens Found!
From D.C. Tribune 2/16/2012:
Using the Force!
(AP) After having run away from his swearing in ceremony, Mr. Clemens has been found. It turns out that he joined a Star Wars convention that was going on in the same hotel. It does not come as a surprise to Clemens fans that he was found signing autographs in his hotel room. Clemens after all, had a cameo in the original Star Wars movie. "I was the trooper who said 'These aren't the droids were looking for.'" Clemens elaborates, " I assume that my character, after realizing what he had done, ran away from the Empire so Vader couldn't punish him. I imagine he became a civics teacher on Tatooine." As for being discovered in his costume from the movie, that is easily explained as well; "No one wants to hug a Trooper," He stated," You don't see Troopers getting all touchy-feely." In order to help Mr. Clemens over his fear of platonic hugs our resident doctor recommends that anyone who see him in the next couple of days should give him a hug and let him know that he is a good guy and deserves it. Just because he played a Stormtrooper, does not make him a Stormtrooper.
Using the Force!
(AP) After having run away from his swearing in ceremony, Mr. Clemens has been found. It turns out that he joined a Star Wars convention that was going on in the same hotel. It does not come as a surprise to Clemens fans that he was found signing autographs in his hotel room. Clemens after all, had a cameo in the original Star Wars movie. "I was the trooper who said 'These aren't the droids were looking for.'" Clemens elaborates, " I assume that my character, after realizing what he had done, ran away from the Empire so Vader couldn't punish him. I imagine he became a civics teacher on Tatooine." As for being discovered in his costume from the movie, that is easily explained as well; "No one wants to hug a Trooper," He stated," You don't see Troopers getting all touchy-feely." In order to help Mr. Clemens over his fear of platonic hugs our resident doctor recommends that anyone who see him in the next couple of days should give him a hug and let him know that he is a good guy and deserves it. Just because he played a Stormtrooper, does not make him a Stormtrooper.
Concert for Clemens (again)
From D.C. Tribune 2/16/2012:
Clemens sworn in in style
(AP) Mr. Clemens was sworn in today for his position as the head of the Office of Water Safety. The concert had many groups from the 70s but the highlight was an on stage reunion with the surviving members of the Village People. Clemens declined to take the stage but his golden tones was piped in to sing along with the performers. Several encores were requested. Clemens was about to take the stage but ran off when one of his co-workers tried to give him a congratulations hug. His current whereabouts are unknown but he did declare he would be back in time to teach middle school tomorrow.
Clemens sworn in in style
(AP) Mr. Clemens was sworn in today for his position as the head of the Office of Water Safety. The concert had many groups from the 70s but the highlight was an on stage reunion with the surviving members of the Village People. Clemens declined to take the stage but his golden tones was piped in to sing along with the performers. Several encores were requested. Clemens was about to take the stage but ran off when one of his co-workers tried to give him a congratulations hug. His current whereabouts are unknown but he did declare he would be back in time to teach middle school tomorrow.
A Hero for Our Times!
From Gamer Monthly 2/15/2012:
Mario Clemens?
Mario has been the mascot of Nintendo for years. Nintendo announced they are opening a new educational games branch and the mascot they chose for that is the world famous civics teacher Mr. Clemens. Reginald Fils-Aime, the current CEO of Nintendo had this to say, “We believe that Mr. Clemens has all the right qualities to represent our fine brand name in this endeavor.” Not surprisingly, Clemens first game involves Mario taking the CMT test. In the game Mario is trapped in the test and has to answer questions correctly. He can earn accommodations to extend his time for the test as well. Mario is chased by bubbles that have escaped from the bubble sheet and has to watch out for security violations. Like all video games, this one has cheat codes as well, if you enter WATERBURY, you get an extra 15 points added to every score. If you enter ATLANTA, Mario automatically becomes proficient in every test. Clemens second game involves Donkey Kong and teaching apes to swim.
Mario Clemens?
Mario has been the mascot of Nintendo for years. Nintendo announced they are opening a new educational games branch and the mascot they chose for that is the world famous civics teacher Mr. Clemens. Reginald Fils-Aime, the current CEO of Nintendo had this to say, “We believe that Mr. Clemens has all the right qualities to represent our fine brand name in this endeavor.” Not surprisingly, Clemens first game involves Mario taking the CMT test. In the game Mario is trapped in the test and has to answer questions correctly. He can earn accommodations to extend his time for the test as well. Mario is chased by bubbles that have escaped from the bubble sheet and has to watch out for security violations. Like all video games, this one has cheat codes as well, if you enter WATERBURY, you get an extra 15 points added to every score. If you enter ATLANTA, Mario automatically becomes proficient in every test. Clemens second game involves Donkey Kong and teaching apes to swim.
Alvin, Simon, Clemens?
From Cartoon Network 2/15/2012:
Chipmunks Rock?
The three Chipmunk movies have been big office hits. Hoping to capitalize on that, children’s TV star and civics teacher, Mr. Clemens hopes to make a live action version of the show. “I got the idea from the commercial where the guy has guinea pigs rowing to generate electricity. I figure if he can do that, I can teach them how to play instruments.” Mr. Clemens’ Chipmunks is not going to be like the traditional version we are used to. “My Chipmunks are going to be doing songs from Schoolhouse Rock and other educational sources.” He also says that in his show the Chipmunks will end up teaching in a school because “teaching middle school is sometimes like a hamster running in its’ wheel. Chipmunks are close enough to hamsters that they should be able to do it.” Clemens plans to be in the show as well. “I will be playing the Dave Seville part except that I am a civics teacher and am giving them lessons about government which they will turn into song.” Clemens has had limited success with his performing chipmunks since he has had them on tour in finer grocery store parking lots.
Chipmunks Rock?
The three Chipmunk movies have been big office hits. Hoping to capitalize on that, children’s TV star and civics teacher, Mr. Clemens hopes to make a live action version of the show. “I got the idea from the commercial where the guy has guinea pigs rowing to generate electricity. I figure if he can do that, I can teach them how to play instruments.” Mr. Clemens’ Chipmunks is not going to be like the traditional version we are used to. “My Chipmunks are going to be doing songs from Schoolhouse Rock and other educational sources.” He also says that in his show the Chipmunks will end up teaching in a school because “teaching middle school is sometimes like a hamster running in its’ wheel. Chipmunks are close enough to hamsters that they should be able to do it.” Clemens plans to be in the show as well. “I will be playing the Dave Seville part except that I am a civics teacher and am giving them lessons about government which they will turn into song.” Clemens has had limited success with his performing chipmunks since he has had them on tour in finer grocery store parking lots.
Po' Boy!
From TV Guide 2/14/2012:
Teletubbies Are Back!
Making a return to children's'televison, Mr. Clemens has decided to produce and star in a revamping of the classic children's television series, the Teletubbies. Clemens is going to play Po, the red teletubbie, so far no other actors have been announced for the other loveable creatures from the show. "My Teletubbies is going to be different from the original," Clemens explained, "We are going to teach children about civics and history using our tummy TVs." Clemens idea is not without merit but PBS had to edit the show a bit. "It's a marvelous idea," said a PBS executive who wished to remain anonymous, "However we do not think children will sit through Ken Burns' Civil War even if it is shown on the stomach of a cute red imp." Clemens was okay with the changes made as long as the show remained true to his idea of educating children about government. "I work for the Government," Clemens stated, "I know how important it is to know how it works and I want to share that knowledge with all."
Teletubbies Are Back!
Making a return to children's'televison, Mr. Clemens has decided to produce and star in a revamping of the classic children's television series, the Teletubbies. Clemens is going to play Po, the red teletubbie, so far no other actors have been announced for the other loveable creatures from the show. "My Teletubbies is going to be different from the original," Clemens explained, "We are going to teach children about civics and history using our tummy TVs." Clemens idea is not without merit but PBS had to edit the show a bit. "It's a marvelous idea," said a PBS executive who wished to remain anonymous, "However we do not think children will sit through Ken Burns' Civil War even if it is shown on the stomach of a cute red imp." Clemens was okay with the changes made as long as the show remained true to his idea of educating children about government. "I work for the Government," Clemens stated, "I know how important it is to know how it works and I want to share that knowledge with all."
No Substitute for the Original, but Close Enough.
From Geek Magazine 2/13/2012:
There’s an APP for That !
Mr. Clemens, of the Office of Water Safety and Naylor Leadership Academy, has created his own app, the Clemens. “With my teaching, my new job at Water Safety and my acting career there just is not enough of Mr. Clemens to go around.” He explains. Have no fear now, the app Clemens developed is a portable civics teacher. “It has all my best lessons and ideas, not to mention my captivating lectures.” It also features tips on water safety and acting lessons. It is the best of Mr. Clemens all available for download. “This way when I am busy doing one of my jobs, the others do not have to suffer.” Mr. Clemens made the app free as he insists knowledge should be free for all. “I know a lot of stuff and I want to make everyone’s life more better.” More better is the Clemens’ family motto.
There’s an APP for That !
Mr. Clemens, of the Office of Water Safety and Naylor Leadership Academy, has created his own app, the Clemens. “With my teaching, my new job at Water Safety and my acting career there just is not enough of Mr. Clemens to go around.” He explains. Have no fear now, the app Clemens developed is a portable civics teacher. “It has all my best lessons and ideas, not to mention my captivating lectures.” It also features tips on water safety and acting lessons. It is the best of Mr. Clemens all available for download. “This way when I am busy doing one of my jobs, the others do not have to suffer.” Mr. Clemens made the app free as he insists knowledge should be free for all. “I know a lot of stuff and I want to make everyone’s life more better.” More better is the Clemens’ family motto.
Mr. Clemens accepts job in D.C. (part time anyway)
From CNN 2/12/2012:
(AP) Today President Obama chose Mr. Clemens of Connecticut to head the new Office of Water Safety. The President decided we needed the office after the recent events with the Italian cruise ship. Obama stated, “We need an expert in the field of water safety to ensure Americans are safe at sea. I can think of no one better suited for this purpose than Mr. Clemens. Mr. Clemens has been sailing for years. He has also been involved in several boating accidents so he has perspective from both the captain’s and the victim’s point of view.” Obama went on to discuss the duties of the Office and what is expected of Mr. Clemens. After hearing all of Clemens’ suggestions, Obama implemented them all but one, “I hope he was joking but I do not believe all sailors need to wear Viking helmets.” When offered the position, Clemens accepted on the ground that it “does not interfere with my teaching of middle school.” Clemens has been recognized in the past for his dedication to middle school students.
(AP) Today President Obama chose Mr. Clemens of Connecticut to head the new Office of Water Safety. The President decided we needed the office after the recent events with the Italian cruise ship. Obama stated, “We need an expert in the field of water safety to ensure Americans are safe at sea. I can think of no one better suited for this purpose than Mr. Clemens. Mr. Clemens has been sailing for years. He has also been involved in several boating accidents so he has perspective from both the captain’s and the victim’s point of view.” Obama went on to discuss the duties of the Office and what is expected of Mr. Clemens. After hearing all of Clemens’ suggestions, Obama implemented them all but one, “I hope he was joking but I do not believe all sailors need to wear Viking helmets.” When offered the position, Clemens accepted on the ground that it “does not interfere with my teaching of middle school.” Clemens has been recognized in the past for his dedication to middle school students.
Mr. Clemens Joins the Darkside!
From the Hartford Courant 2/10/2012:
Local Celebrity Uses the Force!
(AP) As many of our readers are aware, Star Wars Episode I- The Phantom Menace, was released in 3D today. Mr. Clemens,a huge Star Wars fan, was real excited. "I went to the midnight showing last night and it was awesome!" Clemens exclaimed, "I borrowed the Vader suit from Mr. Beck and am planning on seeing it again tonight!" Such enthusiasm was not limited to Mr. Clemens but maybe someone should remind him that Darth Vader does not actually appear until Episode III. "I only wish I could use the force when I am sailing, then I would not fall overboard so often."
Local Celebrity Uses the Force!
(AP) As many of our readers are aware, Star Wars Episode I- The Phantom Menace, was released in 3D today. Mr. Clemens,a huge Star Wars fan, was real excited. "I went to the midnight showing last night and it was awesome!" Clemens exclaimed, "I borrowed the Vader suit from Mr. Beck and am planning on seeing it again tonight!" Such enthusiasm was not limited to Mr. Clemens but maybe someone should remind him that Darth Vader does not actually appear until Episode III. "I only wish I could use the force when I am sailing, then I would not fall overboard so often."
Dry Land at Last!
From the Welsh Globe 2/10/12:
Mr. Clemens Honorary Fireman!
(AP) A local celebrity from the USA, Mr. Clemens, will be made an honorary fireman on this week’s episode of Fireman Sam, the beloved children’s series. In the episode Sam is learning how to save victims at sea and rescues Mr. Clemens from another boating accident. Clemens swears off the sea and Sam agrees to hire him on as a fireman. Clemens does a lot of good in PontyPandy, including the rescuing of a cat from a tree. Mr. Clemens eventually misses life at sea (and his family too) and after taking a course on boating safety sails off into the sunset. The series airs on PBS in the United States but a date has not yet been set for this episode.
Mr. Clemens Honorary Fireman!
(AP) A local celebrity from the USA, Mr. Clemens, will be made an honorary fireman on this week’s episode of Fireman Sam, the beloved children’s series. In the episode Sam is learning how to save victims at sea and rescues Mr. Clemens from another boating accident. Clemens swears off the sea and Sam agrees to hire him on as a fireman. Clemens does a lot of good in PontyPandy, including the rescuing of a cat from a tree. Mr. Clemens eventually misses life at sea (and his family too) and after taking a course on boating safety sails off into the sunset. The series airs on PBS in the United States but a date has not yet been set for this episode.
To Boldy Go...Almost
From the Hartford Courant 2/10/2012:
Captain James T. Clemens?
(AP) A while back we told you that we would take a closer look at the career of Mr. Clemens. This photo recently surfaced at a Star Trek convention. Apparently Mr. Clemens had originally auditioned for the role of Captain Kirk in the original series. His screen test was well received but he came in a close second behind William Shatner. “I was okay with losing the role to Bill.” Clemens states, “In the long run it lead to my stint with the Village People and to eventually finding my passion, teaching adolescence.” Clemens did not give up on his acting career and has recently appeared in SpongeBob Squarepants and the Avengers. He plans to keep acting around his school schedule and admits that he has already done a few children’s shows. We’ll have more of that as it comes in. No footage of the screen test exists but Mr. Clemens can still be heard to say “Set phasers on stun.”
Captain James T. Clemens?
(AP) A while back we told you that we would take a closer look at the career of Mr. Clemens. This photo recently surfaced at a Star Trek convention. Apparently Mr. Clemens had originally auditioned for the role of Captain Kirk in the original series. His screen test was well received but he came in a close second behind William Shatner. “I was okay with losing the role to Bill.” Clemens states, “In the long run it lead to my stint with the Village People and to eventually finding my passion, teaching adolescence.” Clemens did not give up on his acting career and has recently appeared in SpongeBob Squarepants and the Avengers. He plans to keep acting around his school schedule and admits that he has already done a few children’s shows. We’ll have more of that as it comes in. No footage of the screen test exists but Mr. Clemens can still be heard to say “Set phasers on stun.”
Look How He's Grown!
From Reunion.com 2/9/2012:
It's that time!! The 25th High School Reunion is coming up soon. Mr. Clemens, we have yet to hear from you. Please RSVP soon to reserve your spot. Many old friends are waiting to see you!
It's that time!! The 25th High School Reunion is coming up soon. Mr. Clemens, we have yet to hear from you. Please RSVP soon to reserve your spot. Many old friends are waiting to see you!
Bust A Move!
We are not sure of the date of this picture. It was provided by Mr. Clemens' family. Some time ago he put on a one man Riverdance show to connect with his roots. Mr. Clemens has the only original copy of the flyer but replicas are available to those who want it.
The Apple Does Not Fall Far From the Tree
From K-9 Magazine 2/9/2012:
Incredible Similarities Between Pets and Owners
As our readers are aware we have been running a year long contest to see what pet owners most resemble their animals. Today we picked our first place winner, it is Mr. Clemens of Naylor School and his dog, Finnegan! "I don't really see a resemblance," Mr. Clemens said, "but I will admit he is a handsome fellow!" Clemens has raised Finnegan since he was a pup. The two of them do almost everything together. He even takes the dog sailing with him but luckily Finnegan stayed home with the rest of the Clemens family when Mr. Clemens had that near tragic boating accident. "It would not have been that bad" Clemens answered, "He can dog paddle." Finnegan waited nervously for Clemens to be released from the hospital and has been by his side ever since; "Except for when he beats up on Chelsea, our other dog." Mr. Clemens did not submit a picture of Chelsea so we do not know how close the resemblance is.
Incredible Similarities Between Pets and Owners
As our readers are aware we have been running a year long contest to see what pet owners most resemble their animals. Today we picked our first place winner, it is Mr. Clemens of Naylor School and his dog, Finnegan! "I don't really see a resemblance," Mr. Clemens said, "but I will admit he is a handsome fellow!" Clemens has raised Finnegan since he was a pup. The two of them do almost everything together. He even takes the dog sailing with him but luckily Finnegan stayed home with the rest of the Clemens family when Mr. Clemens had that near tragic boating accident. "It would not have been that bad" Clemens answered, "He can dog paddle." Finnegan waited nervously for Clemens to be released from the hospital and has been by his side ever since; "Except for when he beats up on Chelsea, our other dog." Mr. Clemens did not submit a picture of Chelsea so we do not know how close the resemblance is.
Mr. Clemens Next Project Revealed!
From Variety 2/8/2012:
He’ll Be Back!
The Terminator franchise is getting a re-boot from civics teacher Mr. Clemens. Clemens, fresh off his success with the Avengers, decided it was time to write and star in his own vehicle. “I’ve always liked movies with big explosions,” Mr. Clemens reported,” and the Terminator movies certainly have those. They also have left a lot of unanswered questions such as how did Skynet become so powerful? Who had influences on John Connor?” Those are the questions Mr. Clemens has answered in his screenplay for Terminator: Lesson Plans. The story takes place between the second and third Terminator movies. Skynet has become self-aware after correcting millions of standardized tests and knows everything that it is expected of an American to know. The Education Reform Law of 2015 made it illegal to teach anything but the tests since the tests contain the wealth of human knowledge that a citizen should know. Mr. Klements, a civics teacher who was let go as unnecessary since civics is not on the test, sails off for parts unknown; that is how he survives the war known as Judgment Day. Klements is persuaded out of retirement to teach the surviving children, amongst them John Connor. Connor learns all he needs to know about rebellions and starting a new government from Klements so the machines decided they need to send a Terminator back in time to stop Klements from instructing Connor. There has been no word if Arnold will be reprising his role as the Terminator.
“I think I should play Klements,” Mr. Clemens stated, “I know civics and have had some action movie acting experience. I would like to start shooting in late June so I hope there are not too many snow days this winter. I’d hate not to do the movie but my teaching duties come first!” If all goes according to plan, Terminator: Lesson Plans, should be in theaters sometime in 2013. “If the world does not end in 2012 like the Mayans say it will!” Clemens added.
He’ll Be Back!
The Terminator franchise is getting a re-boot from civics teacher Mr. Clemens. Clemens, fresh off his success with the Avengers, decided it was time to write and star in his own vehicle. “I’ve always liked movies with big explosions,” Mr. Clemens reported,” and the Terminator movies certainly have those. They also have left a lot of unanswered questions such as how did Skynet become so powerful? Who had influences on John Connor?” Those are the questions Mr. Clemens has answered in his screenplay for Terminator: Lesson Plans. The story takes place between the second and third Terminator movies. Skynet has become self-aware after correcting millions of standardized tests and knows everything that it is expected of an American to know. The Education Reform Law of 2015 made it illegal to teach anything but the tests since the tests contain the wealth of human knowledge that a citizen should know. Mr. Klements, a civics teacher who was let go as unnecessary since civics is not on the test, sails off for parts unknown; that is how he survives the war known as Judgment Day. Klements is persuaded out of retirement to teach the surviving children, amongst them John Connor. Connor learns all he needs to know about rebellions and starting a new government from Klements so the machines decided they need to send a Terminator back in time to stop Klements from instructing Connor. There has been no word if Arnold will be reprising his role as the Terminator.
“I think I should play Klements,” Mr. Clemens stated, “I know civics and have had some action movie acting experience. I would like to start shooting in late June so I hope there are not too many snow days this winter. I’d hate not to do the movie but my teaching duties come first!” If all goes according to plan, Terminator: Lesson Plans, should be in theaters sometime in 2013. “If the world does not end in 2012 like the Mayans say it will!” Clemens added.
Second Superbowl Ad Discovered!
From the Hartford Courant 2/6/2012:
Local Teacher has Featured Role in Action Film
(AP) During the SuperBowl last night the highly anticipated trailer for the summer action film, The Avengers, was aired. The new design of the Hulk was kept a secret until the trailer debut. As this still from the trailer shows, the Incredible Hulk is portrayed by none other than local civics teacher, Mr. Clemens. "I thought I would audition as a lark. I mean I had all this green body paint left over from my Yoda costume. I was very surprised to learn that acting pays better than teaching. We all know there is a lot of money to be made in education." Clemens was offered the role and shot his scenes last summer but was sworn to secrecy until the trailer debut. He went on to suggest that he had other projects in the works. "Making the Avengers was a lot of fun and I have other ideas and offers that I will pursue as long as it does not interfere with my teaching."
Local Teacher has Featured Role in Action Film
(AP) During the SuperBowl last night the highly anticipated trailer for the summer action film, The Avengers, was aired. The new design of the Hulk was kept a secret until the trailer debut. As this still from the trailer shows, the Incredible Hulk is portrayed by none other than local civics teacher, Mr. Clemens. "I thought I would audition as a lark. I mean I had all this green body paint left over from my Yoda costume. I was very surprised to learn that acting pays better than teaching. We all know there is a lot of money to be made in education." Clemens was offered the role and shot his scenes last summer but was sworn to secrecy until the trailer debut. He went on to suggest that he had other projects in the works. "Making the Avengers was a lot of fun and I have other ideas and offers that I will pursue as long as it does not interfere with my teaching."
Mr. Clemens in superbowl (sort of)
From the Hartford Courant 2/6/2012:
Local Teacher in Super Ad!
(AP) Everyone knows that one of the most exciting aspects of the Big Game is the advertisement. This Superbowl was no different and one ad, particularly exciting to women was the under ad featuring soccer superstar David Beckham. Astute viewers will note that amongst the many tattoos that Mr. Beckham supported was local civics teacher Mr. Clemens. "I have been a fan of Mr. Clemens since his early singing days" ,Beckham claimed, "But it is his recent work with his hospital and reopening the school pool that made me want to immortalize him. I had planned to put my wife there but Mr. Clemens' cause is close to my heart." Beckham has no plans for further tattoos of Mr. Clemens but does not rule out doing a project with him in the future; "My wife used to be in a singing group and I can see them doing something together. Besides, my kids loved him on Spongebob!"
Rumor has it that Mr. Clemens made an appearance in a second Superbowl ad. We will bring you further details as they come to light.
Local Teacher in Super Ad!
(AP) Everyone knows that one of the most exciting aspects of the Big Game is the advertisement. This Superbowl was no different and one ad, particularly exciting to women was the under ad featuring soccer superstar David Beckham. Astute viewers will note that amongst the many tattoos that Mr. Beckham supported was local civics teacher Mr. Clemens. "I have been a fan of Mr. Clemens since his early singing days" ,Beckham claimed, "But it is his recent work with his hospital and reopening the school pool that made me want to immortalize him. I had planned to put my wife there but Mr. Clemens' cause is close to my heart." Beckham has no plans for further tattoos of Mr. Clemens but does not rule out doing a project with him in the future; "My wife used to be in a singing group and I can see them doing something together. Besides, my kids loved him on Spongebob!"
Rumor has it that Mr. Clemens made an appearance in a second Superbowl ad. We will bring you further details as they come to light.
Mr. Clemens has a celebrity past!
From the Hartford Courant 2/3/2012:
Local Teacher Once Part of Famous Singing Group
(AP)- Local Civics Teacher, Mr. Clemens has captured the heart of the community since his near fatal boating accident last month. This has got a lot of people wondering just exactly who he is. A Hartford Courant exclusive can reveal that in the early seventies Mr. Clemens was in fact one of the founding members of the Village People. Clemens wrote their hit single, Macho Man, but left the group for creative reasons before they hit it big. "I have no regrets about leaving," Mr. Clemens disclosed in an exclusive interview, "If I had not left the group when I did I would have never discovered the joys of teaching middle school." Mr. Clemens states that he did enjoy his time with the group very much and promises to sing Macho Man and In the Navy to anyone who requests it. He has no plans to reuinite with his former band members but does not rule it out once he retires from teaching.
Mr. Clemens gets ready for 3D movie!
From the Hartford Courant 2/2/2012:
Local Teacher Gets Ready For Movie Premiere
(AP) Twelve years after the initial release Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace is being released in 3D. Local celebrity teacher, Mr. Clemens is real excited by the news. " I loved the movie when it came out originally. I waited three days in line just to get tickets", boasted Mr. Clemens, "I can only imagine how long the lines are going to be now that the movie is in 3D!" Mr. Clemens plans on putting on his Yoda costume, the same one he wore for the original premiere, and getting in line when advanced tickets go on sale this Friday. " I have a Yoda lightsaber and everything! After the ordeal I have been through these last couple of weeks I deserve to get out there and have fun!", Mr. Clemens added. When reached for comment his daughter stated that she is excited for her dad but would buy tickets online like everyone else does these days. "Kids these days just don't know what they are missing.", Mr. Clemens lamented.
Local Teacher Gets Ready For Movie Premiere
(AP) Twelve years after the initial release Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace is being released in 3D. Local celebrity teacher, Mr. Clemens is real excited by the news. " I loved the movie when it came out originally. I waited three days in line just to get tickets", boasted Mr. Clemens, "I can only imagine how long the lines are going to be now that the movie is in 3D!" Mr. Clemens plans on putting on his Yoda costume, the same one he wore for the original premiere, and getting in line when advanced tickets go on sale this Friday. " I have a Yoda lightsaber and everything! After the ordeal I have been through these last couple of weeks I deserve to get out there and have fun!", Mr. Clemens added. When reached for comment his daughter stated that she is excited for her dad but would buy tickets online like everyone else does these days. "Kids these days just don't know what they are missing.", Mr. Clemens lamented.
Mr. Clemens' Television Debut!
From the Hartford Courant 1/30/2012:
Local Teacher to Appear on Famous Cartoon Show
(AP) A local civics teacher has landed his dream job, he will be a substitute teacher in Bikini Bottom. Mr. Clemens will appear in an episode of the cartoon series, Spongebob Squarepants, where he will play a guest civics teacher and a relative of their most famous resident. Mr. Clemens will instruct the students on the importance of government and of its' functions while Spongebob and Patrick will teach him about water safety. Mr. Clemens said he was very excited to be on Spongebob and proceeded to sing the "Best Day Ever" song from the TV show. Be sure to turn in to what should be a very funny and exciting episode.
Local Teacher to Appear on Famous Cartoon Show
(AP) A local civics teacher has landed his dream job, he will be a substitute teacher in Bikini Bottom. Mr. Clemens will appear in an episode of the cartoon series, Spongebob Squarepants, where he will play a guest civics teacher and a relative of their most famous resident. Mr. Clemens will instruct the students on the importance of government and of its' functions while Spongebob and Patrick will teach him about water safety. Mr. Clemens said he was very excited to be on Spongebob and proceeded to sing the "Best Day Ever" song from the TV show. Be sure to turn in to what should be a very funny and exciting episode.
And his good luck continues
From the Hartford Courant 1/28/2012:
Local Teacher's Good Fortune Continues
(AP) Almost two weeks after nearly losing his life in a tragic boating accident local Civics teacher, Mr. Clemens finds his good luck continuing. A few days ago Mr. Clemens' boat, the S.S. Minnow, washed up on the shores of Spain. While recovery crews were searching the vessel to see who it belonged to they found a lottery ticket that was about to expire. They checked the numbers and it was the big winner for the unclaimed jackpot of last year. Mr. Clemens, who had no idea he had the winning ticket, remarked that he would not know what to do with all that money. "The love I get out of teaching middle school students is all I need to survive on. If this ordeal has taught me anything is that nothing matters as much as people matter." Mr. Clemens decided that one good turn deserved another so he has decided to fund the Clemens Hospital for the Shipwrecked and Nearly Drowned. "I know that I am not the only person to have fallen overboard so I thought it would be a good idea to assemble the world's experts on drowning and recovery in one place where shipwreck victims can be flown to." Groundbreaking is expected to start soon. Mr. Clemens and his team are looking for a suitable near the shore in case someone is close enough to swim to the facility.
Local Teacher's Good Fortune Continues
(AP) Almost two weeks after nearly losing his life in a tragic boating accident local Civics teacher, Mr. Clemens finds his good luck continuing. A few days ago Mr. Clemens' boat, the S.S. Minnow, washed up on the shores of Spain. While recovery crews were searching the vessel to see who it belonged to they found a lottery ticket that was about to expire. They checked the numbers and it was the big winner for the unclaimed jackpot of last year. Mr. Clemens, who had no idea he had the winning ticket, remarked that he would not know what to do with all that money. "The love I get out of teaching middle school students is all I need to survive on. If this ordeal has taught me anything is that nothing matters as much as people matter." Mr. Clemens decided that one good turn deserved another so he has decided to fund the Clemens Hospital for the Shipwrecked and Nearly Drowned. "I know that I am not the only person to have fallen overboard so I thought it would be a good idea to assemble the world's experts on drowning and recovery in one place where shipwreck victims can be flown to." Groundbreaking is expected to start soon. Mr. Clemens and his team are looking for a suitable near the shore in case someone is close enough to swim to the facility.
Mr. Clemens' boat found!
From the Hartford Courant 1/25/2012:
Teacher's Boat Found in Spain
(AP) A local teacher who was injured at sea and had to be rescued will soon be reunited with his vessel. Mr. Clemens of Hartford, was injured when he sailed into a winter storm last weekend. Mr. Clemens was rescued at sea but his boat was not recovered. His boat washed up on shore in Majorca, Spain. Mr. Clemens was shocked when he heard the news of where the S.S. Minnow was found. "I am amazed it got that far," he stated, "I only planned on taking it out for a three hour cruise."
Some of Mr. Clemens students had started to collect money to help Mr. Clemens replace the Minnow. "I am very touched," The Civics Teacher responded upon hearing the news, "Since my boat has been found I will use the money collected to re-open the pool on the fourth floor of the school. Spending all that time in the water reminded me of how important it is to know how to swim." Mr. Clemens would not give an exact date but says that he plans on starting a swimming club soon at Naylor Leadership Academy.
Teacher's Boat Found in Spain
(AP) A local teacher who was injured at sea and had to be rescued will soon be reunited with his vessel. Mr. Clemens of Hartford, was injured when he sailed into a winter storm last weekend. Mr. Clemens was rescued at sea but his boat was not recovered. His boat washed up on shore in Majorca, Spain. Mr. Clemens was shocked when he heard the news of where the S.S. Minnow was found. "I am amazed it got that far," he stated, "I only planned on taking it out for a three hour cruise."
Some of Mr. Clemens students had started to collect money to help Mr. Clemens replace the Minnow. "I am very touched," The Civics Teacher responded upon hearing the news, "Since my boat has been found I will use the money collected to re-open the pool on the fourth floor of the school. Spending all that time in the water reminded me of how important it is to know how to swim." Mr. Clemens would not give an exact date but says that he plans on starting a swimming club soon at Naylor Leadership Academy.
Save Mr Clemens!!
As many of you are aware Mr. Clemens was in a horrible accident this past weekend. Being a true sailing enthusiast, Mr. Clemens decided to take his boat out for one last sail. What he did not count on was the severe weather that occurred on that day. Mr. Clemens was thrown overboard in the process managed to impale himself on the viking helmet he frequently wears when sailing. You can see a picture of his dramatic rescue below. Mr. Clemens is in serious condition at a local hospital. The last words he is known to have spoken were "I thought wind was good for sailing."
This was taken from the Hartford Courant 1/21/2012:
Local teacher Seriously Injured in Boating Mishap
(AP) A local teacher, Mr. Clemens of Naylor Leadership Academy in Hartford, was seriously injured when he piloted his sailboat into a winter storm. According to his friend, Mr. Travaglini, the principal of the school, Mr. Clemens got the idea from watching Spongebob Squarepants. “We are both fans of the show,” Mr. Travaglini commented, “but he seems to have taken his love for the show too far.” Clemens was injured when his boat capsized and he was impaled on the horn of the Viking helmet he was wearing. Mr. Clemens was rescued at sea and flown to a nearby hospital where he is recovering.
Local teacher Seriously Injured in Boating Mishap
(AP) A local teacher, Mr. Clemens of Naylor Leadership Academy in Hartford, was seriously injured when he piloted his sailboat into a winter storm. According to his friend, Mr. Travaglini, the principal of the school, Mr. Clemens got the idea from watching Spongebob Squarepants. “We are both fans of the show,” Mr. Travaglini commented, “but he seems to have taken his love for the show too far.” Clemens was injured when his boat capsized and he was impaled on the horn of the Viking helmet he was wearing. Mr. Clemens was rescued at sea and flown to a nearby hospital where he is recovering.
Iron Lung
Due to the extensive nature of his injuries, Mr. Clemens will require an iron lung to continue breathing. A school dance is being held in his honor with all proceeds going to the collection for the iron lung. Other contributions can be given to Mr. Tashjian.